UrbanMoms

Where Canadian moms connect! Blogs, reviews, parenting tips, travel and entertainment news, contests and more.

You are here: Home / Uncategorized / Perhaps

Perhaps

by

This was one of my Mom’s favourite songs:

 
When I was a girl, our whole family would sometimes sit in the living room in front of a crackling fire, listening to this song on the record player, often over and over again. We all knew the words, and we often sat side-by-side in a pile together on the couch, heads on each other’s shoulders; feet in each other’s laps. And no matter how many times we heard it, it never failed to bring a tear to our eyes, and warmth to our hearts. 
We knew what it meant. We loved each other, with that perfect, comfortable love of a happy family. We were secure in each other, and in our love for each other. We were home.
After my Mom died, when we were planning a celebration of life service in her memory, my sisters and I created a slideshow to play after the service and during the dinner following it. We set it to this song, because it meant so much not only to our Mom, but to us girls and to our Dad, too. If families had anthems, Perhaps Love would be ours.
And then yesterday, my youngest daughter pulled it out of nowhere on my iPod. We were driving, and she just pulled my iPhone out of my purse, plugged it in to the car and picked out that song. I sang it at the top of my lungs (every word) and the tears streamed down my face. My little girl put it on repeat, and we listened to it again and again until we got home. Once inside our house, she turned her little face up to mine, said, “I miss Gramma,” and broke down in tears. Tears she hadn’t shed the day Gramma died, or the day we scattered Gramma’s ashes or the day we celebrated her life and said goodbye.
I guess there was something about this first Easter without Gramma, or something about the eight-month mark, but my little one, whose middle name is in honour of her Gramma, finally let the floodgates open, and cried, bereft in my arms, until she very nearly fell asleep.
Later on, I sat and listened to the song again, thinking about the lyrics, searching for some solace, some way to overcome my own mountain of grief again so I can carry on. I have copied all the lyrics below, but here are the lines that are bringing me the most meaning right now:
And in those times of trouble

When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home…

And even if you lose yourself
And don’t know what to do
The memory of love will see you through…

If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
Because right now? I am in a time of trouble. I do feel very much alone. I question much of what I thought was true about life and about love. But no matter how crazy and bad things get now, I know that this is true: that the memory of love will bring me home. The memory of my mother, of her love, of my family’s love. No matter what, that will see me through. And when I sing it, voice choked with tears, I sing to my mother, and I mean it so, so much: my memories of love are of her.
Perhaps Love
by John Denver
performed by John Denver and Placido Domingo
Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don’t know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

Oh, Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel

For some a way of living
For some a way to feel

And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don’t know

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it’s cold outside
Thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go

And some say love is everything
Some say they don’t know

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it’s cold outside
Or thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

Comments

  1. Kath says

    Anne – it’s the little things that really get us, isn’t it? Like wanting to tell her something about the kids, only she’s not there. I find myself often thinking, “mom would have loved that”…

  2. Kath says

    Thanks guys. It means so much to have other people “get it”.
    Erin, that glass of wine (make it a bottle!) and laughter/tears sounds great – soon, I hope.
    Sara, I agree that most organists wouldn’t know how to play Karma Chameleon, but how awesome would it have been if one did?
    Jen, I totally forgot about getting Mom and Dad to play it so loud we could hear it from our beds as we fell asleep. Good memories. Missing you, too.

  3. Anne Green says

    Funny how the grief hits your from time to time. This afternoon it hit me in a wave. I was by myself and just broke down and sobbed. Can’t really put my finger on why… just missed her. Wished she were here to tell me what to trim in my garden and when. Wished I was looking forward to spending some time with her on the beach this summer. Wished I could tell her that my son’s feet are now bigger than anyone else’s in our family! We would have made inappropriate bawdy remarks about the size of men’s feet… Wished I would be able to call her next year to tell her what university he had just been accepted to… *sigh*

  4. Jen says

    It is our theme song. I sing it to my kids all the time and tell them the stories of how we would play it over and over again and have mom and dad blast it from the living room so we could hear it in our beds. I miss her so much but this post made me miss you, my sister, and our little sister even more. xo

  5. Sara says

    Oh Kath…okay now I’m sobbing like your daughter too. I had totally forgotten about that song – what an awesome family theme song!!! I hope this will make you smile… my mom’s fave was Karma Chameleon by Culture Club…we tried to think of how to get it played at the funeral, but didn’t think the organist would know it. Hugs, hugs and hugs.

  6. Erin says

    All I can think of to say is I love you. And… grieving takes time, changes all the time and is different for everyone. I wish I could have you over for a glass of wine, some laughter and some tears.
    xoxoxo