Penney smart dollar foolish

Alexandra Penney lost a large fortune with schemer Bernie Madoff. From that experience she wrote a book, “Paper Bag Lady” and used the difficulty to re create herself. She talks about how fear (which always accompanies big loss) can either paralyze you or motivate you. She chanted homemade acronyms to herself in her hardest moments-SNT (stop negative thinking) and SFT (stop future thinking).

SFT really struck a cord with me (I had been a master of SNT for a long time). On its own it is the antithesis to wisdom and adulthood- we are taught  to constantly be looking forward and planning for our future. It is what makes living in the moment so hard as an adult and so easy as a child. Big people have to think about the future to distraction.

When I first separated the future loomed  and blinded me like a large overhead fluorescent light in a P.O.W interrogation. How was I going to be able to put it all together? What would it look like? Everything seemed really blank. To survive the challenge I needed to get through all the now. I had to stop future thinking.

I had a dream file that I used to put all the things I wanted to do – trips, creative projects and work and design ideas for my home. I found that file the other day. It was empty.

I likely dumped it when I first separated- feeling sure those dreams were silly then and too much of a distraction. I stopped looking at magazines with their promises of happiness and walk in closets and pretty coats.

Now I am filling a dream file again. I am doing some work on my house, I am imagining the next things and planning for them. I am SFT- starting future thinking. It feels wonderful.