I recently watched this (thanks Mer). Watch it. It is really, really worth it.
I am afraid. Afraid to let myself be hurt anymore. I am seeking new friends up here in the north, yet I am not opening up to them. I hold back because I am afraid of being judged. I’m afraid I will say something that will sound stupid, or that people will think I am weak, incompetent, or worse. It doesn’t make any sense because I am quite competent, reasonably intelligent, and usually kind. Why do I think this way? I need those connections. I miss having them.
On the other hand (uh oh you think, here it comes), people don’t want to hear about your problems. I remember one friend from the past who said I only ever talked about myself and was very self-centered. She cut me off totally, and didn’t even tell me that was why. I heard it from another friend. I’m not sure that was really true but it has stuck with me.
I think, I think, I over think. Time to stop that. This blog has helped me start to open up, it’s easier here. It’s always easier to write how you are feeling, don’t you think?
Now that I’m teaching grade 7/8 I’m thinking, OMG, I’m just as insecure as they are. The only difference is, I don’t try to make myself feel better by teasing or being mean to others (only a few of them do that but it’s AWFUL!). Jesu, I am 40. Time to get some…something.
Christine, I wrote a long reply to your comment and it has disappeared. The gist was, you will do a good job, even it you make a mistake, it’s not the end of the world and most of the clients will understand that you’re just learning, any others, are *&-holes! (my previous reply was much more in depth).
After re-watching this again, with my mom, I have realized that this post does not do it justice at all…there is so much more. Wholeheartedness. As Desi says, it’s not as easy as vacuuming. It took Brene 6 years of research, a year of therapy, and then some more research!
Still workin on it here.
Hey Erin!
You know, as strange as it may sound, (and as difficult as it is) being vulnerable is really rewarding! I’m a Christian and we’re super into being open and vulnerable to close friends, in our church. If you struggle with something…open up to 1 or 2 people about it! If you’re working toward an embarrassing goal…let a buddy know. That’s how accountability happens. People know when you’re telling them something you wouldn’t just tell everyone. That builds trust, and thus grows relationships. Even helps others become vulnerable as well. Yea, you may get hurt eventually…but look at you! You are here today and that just goes to show you can handle it. Can’t live in fear, otherwise you won’t really live. 🙂
I watched this Tuesday night, and loved it, and have watched it many times, since. I plan on picking up her book this weekend in hopes that her writing is a lyrical as her speech. We are shy, quiet, people in this house. We are risk-averse and resistant to change. But imagine how much more we could LIVE, after learning to love with our whole hearts!
I just wish the process was as easy and straightforward as, say, vacuuming.
This sort of ties in with Jen’s post from earlier in the week.
If it makes you feel any better I am the exact same way. I hate new situations. Especially social situations – I am afraid people will think I’m a loser or stupid…
Writing is so much easier. I can think about the words before I type them, there’s no back and forth conversation and I guide the entire post.
I just took a new job at my friends gymnastics centre as their back up admin. Saturday is my first day on my own and I am just petrified that I am going to eff up their entire system and look like a big dummy in front of people who may have question that I might not have the answer to.
BUT…but…I’m going to go there. And I am going to do my best.
I think that’s a big step.