Nobody told me these things

When we bought our house in 2004, it didn’t come with a guide book or a manual.  No one said: 

"Here you go.  Here’s a house with countless intricacies and mechanical/electrical/structural nuances about which you know nothing – good luck figuring it out."

We bought a new house, so initially there wasn’t much to worry about. Everything worked as it was supposed to, and the house looked and felt functional.  Now, however, three years have passed and things are starting to happen.  I’m not talking about anything major, but the small things that happen in every house and just have to be dealt with. 

This wouldn’t be a big deal if my husband and I knew anything about household repairs and maintenance. While we are both educated professionals, in this area we are both Ignorant and Incompetent.   We’re not shy about these inadequacies. Over time, we’ve accepted that it’s best to just call people with expertise to do the things we cannot do.

Sometimes, though, we’re forced to do something home-related, and this usually results in disaster.  I’ll share with you an incident that occurred last night that illustrates this perfectly:  Over the course of the past week, in this blazing heat, our air conditioner has been less and less effective.  Of course, by the time I call the air conditioning specialist, it’s Friday evening and no one is returning my calls.  I leave messages and then mention the problem to my neighbour who told me that it was simply a matter of cleaning out the filter on the air conditioner (we have central air conditioning, and it was only yesterday that I realised the big grey box under my deck was actually the air conditioner – go figure – like I said, no manual).

I quickly assessed the appliance and could not identify any externally visible filter. Thus, I concluded that I should take apart the air conditioner, remove the filter and clean it.  Seeing multiple screws, I roped in my visiting cousin to help me and we proceeded to unscrew the 20-plus screws and remove the large metal frame.  At one point, I thought "This is awfully complicated for something that apparently needs to be done every 6 months." However, I’d built up some momentum and was not ready to stop there, with the task half-done.

So, we removed the frame, cleaned out what seemed to be a large, metallic filter that surrounded the motor (it was filthy) and set out to re-install the frame.  This, however, proved impossible. What had come off in a somewhat straightforward fashion, was not going back into position. It just would not fit.  So, we managed to put in a couple of screws to keep it in place and went inside.  I turned the AC back on, and now, not only was it still not cold, but the appliance made a hideous rattling noise (surprisingly loud and audible throughout the neighbourhood) that had obviously been caused by my ill-informed reconstructive efforts. 

At the same time, the phone rang and the AC specialist, Dan, returned my call. He would stop by and take a look at 8:30pm after work.  When he arrived, I informed him that not only was my house 37 degrees Celsius, but the AC was rattling and partially deconstructed.  He looked me in the eye, and said "Why on earth would you take it apart? All you have to do to clean the filter is spray the thing with a water hose". Was I crazy not to think of that as a solution to cleaning a large, ominous electrical appliance. I mean – spraying water into the thing – that seems like spraying water into a very large, noisy toaster. 

After Dan spent 90 minutes putting the AC back together (during which, he noted "In 15 years of doing this, I have never seen anyone do this to an air conditioner.") and fiddling with it to remove the rattle, he informed me that the reasons for the malfunction were: the AC had ran out of Freon (I still don’t know what that is, but now know that it’s presence is imperative for my house to be cool) and that our furnace apparently has filters (another big revelation) that have to be changed every 4 months.  At this point, Dan was beginning to realise the full extent of my incompetence and started to warm up in a sympathetic fashion. He spent 20 minutes writing out the 5+ plus things we should be doing every 4-6 months to maintain the heating/cooling mechanisms in the house.  He was very helpful and made the mistake of leaving his business card with a cell number. He doesn’t realise that he’s become my new best friend – I have no doubt I will be calling him with countless ridiculous questions as new issues arise.

After all that, we woke up to a beautifully cooled house and happy, rested, not-soaked-in-their-own-sweat kids.  It was worth it.  And I’m still a little bit happy that I tried to do it myself – that counts for something.