The timing of this is ironic as Amanda just blogged about this very topic.
“It takes a village to raise a child”
It takes a special kind of village to raise a special needs child.
And I’ve got one. Tuesday proved it.
At pick up Tuesday after school, Cuyler had what I can only describe as “a meltdown of epic proportions”. It hasn’t happened in a very long time.
He has meltdowns and temper tantrums. But this one? This was a doozy.
Something very minor set him off right before the bell rang and his anger and inability to manage got ahead of him. He took off. I had to chase him down and stop him. Then figure out how to safely restrain him so I could get him back to the van. He was flailing and screaming as loud as he could. This went on for several minutes.
I was sweating.
Shaking.
And very embarrassed. Not because of his behaviour, but because I didn’t know what the hell to do.
The last time I had to deal with a meltdown like this he was smaller, lighter and weaker.
Every time I though I had a hold of him, he’d flip out of my grip. Then he flipped out of his jacket. Kicking, flailing, screaming.
Finally I was able to flip him upside down, wrapping my arms around his waist with his legs hanging over my back. He was still kicking and screaming but I was now in control.
I had to force him into his seat and belted him in.
Phew.
I did mention that it was at dismissal right? And everyone was there watching it all go down? Yep. I had a large audience for that one. Kids and parents alike.
As I drove home all I could think about was how ridiculous I must have looked trying to get the situation under control. I felt inept and incompetent and could only imagine what the other parents thought.
When I got home I told Sean what happened and was so proud of myself that I didn’t cry. I thought I was about to at one point, but I didn’t. I stayed strong!
After an hour or so he was settling down.
I checked my email and found things like this written on my facebook wall and in my messages from parents:
I checked my email and found things like this written on my facebook wall and in my messages from parents:
Hugs to you. I know it wasn’t easy. I know how impressed I was with how calm you were (on the outside at least) I’m not sure I would have been.
Been thinking of you since I got home. How’s it going?
You handled that amazingly well. I saw the look in your eyes and couldn’t help but think of you all afternoon.
Everything settle down now. He ok? YOU ok?
[[hugs]] hope he’s ok now.
That’s my village.
That’s what people were thinking as they watched.
That’s what made me cry. People who care.
No judgement against me or Cuyler. Simply concern and worry. Asking how they can help the next time (next time?!?) it happens.
The comments, encouragement and cyber {{hugs}} made all the worry I had about my ability as his mother disappear. So I didn’t look like an idiot trying to parent this unpredictable little boy. I didn’t appear too rough with him. I kept my cool.
I’m not sure if they know how their positive words helped. How much they are appreciated.
I am so lucky to live in the community I do. Cuyler is very lucky to have this village surrounding him.
Once Cuyler had finally settled down, he curled up into my lap snuggling like a sick baby. He’s not a cuddler by any means but I think it was his way of saying sorry.
And the kisses I smattered all over his head were my way of saying “I love you no matter what”.
Epic meltdowns and all.
What? No, I’m not crying… geez… I just have something in my eye…
(In other words, you are awesome.)
“He took off. I had to chase him down and stop him”.
Ugh. Scary.
I’ll admit that if I was there – I’d have watched as well – and I’d feel bad for watching. But I’d learn so much from the two of you – and hopefully everyone else did too (and it appears they did). From my perspective though – How could I help without imposing?!?!? Is it possible?
Wait a sec.
Maybe I already have?
Thanks Christine.
Christine,
I almost wept when I read this because, I’m so glad you have a village. I can’t really imagine what you have to deal with every day. And I think that sometimes, moms are really isolated and the village is so critical to our mental health.
And, I so wish I had one, a real one (locally). I do have a virtual one via urbanmoms and other virtual villages.
OMG. You might not have cried but I AM! I love this. As I struggle with a judgmental mom in my life I am so blessed to get tons of support from my real and virtual village (thank you twitter!) I am thrilled to hear about the good in people. The Sisterhood of Motherhood is a powerful thing.
Good job, mom.
That made me cry. You have a village! I’m sorry he had such a major meltdown but now you know peeps that have your back. HUGS!!
good for your village – so many times people think these things but don’t take the two seconds to tell you which makes such a huge difference.
you rock…in case you didn’t know.
x