My step-mother asked me the other night if I planned to have another baby. She wasn’t talking alone – she’s aware I’m not really up to that – but wondered if I met the right person, would I want to do it again.
My response was a resounding, ‘god no!’
The next morning I emailed her and said I wanted to clarify. It’s not that I was saying that in disgust for how much I hated being pregnant or having a baby, it was more about how lucky I was and not wanting to test fate by going back to the well.
I have five nieces and nephews. One has autism, one has epilepsy and one has been fighting cancer for most of her three years. So far, I have a happy and healthy kid and I’m pretty happy to ride that wave. I feel truly blessed.
The mom blog world has been brought together over the past few days over the passing of the son of well known mom blogger and essayist, Katie Granju. Katie’s beloved son died this week after a month long fight against complications from an overdose and a horrific beating. She decided to open up about his drug addiction on her blog. I don’t know Katie and while I follow a crap load of mom bloggers I had never found Katie. Last night, I read. And I read. And I looked at pictures. And I cried. And I read people’s comments and for all the positive, supportive messages she got, I was astounded and horrified over the negative crap that people had the balls to write to her, about her parenting skills and about her life choices on other blogs.
People said she deserved this for having four kids (soon to be five) and working full time. People said she had no right to expose her son’s secret.
The Globe and Mail ran an article on Katie and her family and the reader comments…well, frankly, I was ashamed.
He was a drug addict. Katie could have been a stay at home mom and this could – WOULD – have likely still happened. As far as her ‘exposing’ her son’s secret? In this day and age is anything a secret? Apparently he had a facebook page and it was all over it. And isn’t the potential to help another family worth the ‘exposure’?
It made me think of my current state of bliss over Will. My daily mantra of ‘enjoy this while the going’s good’ has never meant more to me than after reading about Katie and H’s struggles. Because here’s the deal. You don’t know – you just don’t. Will may be struck down with cancer next week, or be hit by a drunk driver OR he may, like Katie’s son, go to high school, play the guitar, be close with his mom and STILL become a drug addict. We don’t know!
What’s my point?? Who knows….I think I just want…
a. everyone to appreciate what they have;
b. hug your kid today and hard; and
c. PLEASE, in the blogosphere and day to day – stop judging other mothers – how about supporting them – because sadly, one day, you’ll likely need their support.
Katie – if you ever read this, I saw Will in every picture you posted of H. My heart breaks for you and I commend you for your strength and courage to share your journey. This Canadian thinks you’re amazing.
On a WAYYYYY lighter note….go to The Lounge and check out my camping tale with Will and enter to win an awesome camping kit courtesy of Benadryl by sharing yours.
Being a parent is hard enough without having strangers judging…we should all have a glass of vino and count our blessings, not trash each other…
I can’t say enough how difficult people make it for each other when they
judge. Some kids just have to go through things and others don’t. When
you get to the ripe old age of 55, you’ve seen it all with families. I’m so glad
you girls aren’t part of the crowd who love to judge. I’ve met too many of them
in my day and yes Sara, I love your comment, “There but for the grace of God go I” I take it one day at a time with my own kids. I hope for the best for them, but
in the end, they make their choices. We can’t control that. Dennis and
I have often felt that we thanked God we were the parents of our children because
judgemental people would not have survived them. They are both great kids most
of the time, but they were definitely challenging in more ways than one. In fact, I could argue that those people with perfect children haven’t had to parent because they had kids with no issues…therefore in fact, they may have made really rotten parents had they been put to the test!! This woman in the paper must have been amazing if she was so beloved by her child. She did something right and she
must have kept loving him. That’s all I can say. All you can do is stick
with them as my mother used to say…and that can be pretty darn hard to do…so
kudos to those parents who haven’t abandoned kids who are hooked on drugs,
or other bad lifestyle choices. It’s pretty easy to kick them out and say adieu.
So if a parent has stuck around for it all, and tried to help…God bless them is
all I can say.
Those of my friends with kids who graduate with good marks…go to university etc.
have no idea of challenges. Hell, I was that kid and I didn’t even need parenting!!
My parents used to say I brought myself up while they dealt with my challenging
sister…so those parents who pat themselves on the back because their
kids are at university and know what they want to do…give it up because for the most part, you didn’t have a whole lot to do with it…your kid would have done
it anyway. You provided the environment and the opportunities, but the job was simple, so get over yourselves!!
That’s my two cents!!
Hi Sara–
I am so sorry to hear about your nieces and nephews–I will say extra prayers for them tonight.
As downright eye-scratchingly awful as parenthood as been on a very few days, I never once regretted my decision to be a parent (single), nor cursed the Gods for my fate.
Everyone who is blessed with healthy children should revel, rejoice, and hug the hell out of their offspring.
Thanks for your post.
I agree. Let’s just stop judging one another already. Raising kids is the HARDEST job going: bar none. C’mon, women…let’s support each other in sisterhood and motherhood!
Why is the mother the first one to get blamed when a child goes astray? As you said Sara, instead of judging the parents, perhaps remember the saying “there but for the grace of God go I”.
Sara, your postscript in particular was very touching. I often think to myself that, despite the challenges of raising a toddler, we have it SO good right now. Yesterday when I went to pick Ally up from daycare, his face lit up with a huge smile when he saw me and he took off at a dead run across the playground to greet me. Who else in the world is so very excited to see me after a day’s separation? Not even my husband!