If you’ve been reading my posts then you know this fact about The Boy…he’s a crap sleeper.
Don’t get me wrong, The Boy is awesome, I love him, and he’s funny to boot. For example, last night, at 2:45am, he woke up for a bottle and proceeded to try to pick, lick, and scratch the freckles off my skin, all while belly laughing at his inability to remove any of them.
It was hilarious…except that it was at 2:45am. AGAIN. For the gazillionth night in a row. And I was so tired…for the gazillionth night in a row.
The Boy is 8 months old and from day one has proven to be not so hot at sleeping. If he gets decent naps, he has an awful night sleep. If he has awful naps, he has a decent night sleep. There are glimmers of hope here and there- for one whole month he both napped well and slept through the night- but they disappear as quickly as they appeared, and often without warning or any change.
I have accepted that I will never have an awesome sleeper. As an adult, I am a crappy sleeper, so I could blame myself for giving that trait to The Boy, however, my sister is a worse sleeper, so I will blame her.
Therefore, while I am an expert at almost nothing to do with parenting, I am going to give you my rules for dealing with sleep deprivation. I’ve read and received a lot of advice on this topic, but this is what has gotten me through my days:
1. Drink caffeine if you want it!- I was a caffeine drinker before baby so you can imagine how much more I want it now. People always tell me to drink water because caffeine makes you more tired, but I don’t believe that. I grab a coffee from my Tassimo in the morning and a Diet Coke with lunch in the afternoon. And usually another coffee…or two. I know that it sounds awful but it works for me. To make up for all the caffeine though, I do drink a glass of water between each cup- it eases the guilt.
2. Go outside every day– Really. Even if it’s just a quick car trip to the grocery store or a walk around the block. You need to leave your house with your child- it makes a huge difference in your mood. I often have to force myself out that front door (especially in the cold!), but I’m always glad I did. And ladies, I lived in the Praries for a long time. I know how cold it can get. But bundle up baby and take them somewhere. Do anything you can to get out of the house!
3. Shower– I know, sounds so easy, but taking a shower can really recharge those sleepy batteries. If The Boy is really not napping during the day, I wait until my husband is home from work to shower. Some lucky days I shower before The Boy wakes up. Showering makes me feel like a human being again- and it has the added bonus of removing that oh-so-lovely spit up smell that I’ve been sporting for the past 8 months.
4. Eat– Do not try to DIET while TIRED. You are already deprived in one area…why deprive yourself in another? You need food to fuel you so have a few quick “go-tos” for those really tired days and don’t feel guilty about serving a boxed dinner or getting take-out. Just make sure you feed yourself!
5. Talk to other moms- I have two “mom groups” that I belong to. You need people you can comisserate with!! There are tons of online chat groups that you can join if there are no “mom groups” in your area. Just make sure you find other sleep deprived moms because you need that listening and understanding ear! Furthermore…
6. Don’t talk to other moms who have babies that sleep- That’s just setting yourself up. OK, you can talk to them, just lay the ground rules- no discussions around their child’s ability to sleep and how well-rested and awesome they feel.
7. Cut yourself some slack if/when your baby does sleep- This is your time. Do WHATEVER makes you happy/satisfied/less sleepy when your child does bless you with rare moments of quiet. I read or write because it’s what keeps me sane. I put my feet up, sip my Diet Coke and drink in the silence. You earn those few moments so do whatever recharges you during that time.
8. Do WHATEVER works for you and your baby- Don’t worry about other peoples ideas, rule, “helpful comments and suggestions”, etc… Just do what works for you. I’ve tried to do what works for others and it always backfires on me. So I stick to a loose routine that ensures me at least 15 minutes of peace during the day (no joke!) and at least 5 broken hours of sleep each night.
9. Watch your baby for a moment when he/she sleeps
– And smile…because it may be hours until you see that sweet little thing so quiet and peaceful…enjoy!
I should note that, since I wrote this, I decided to try a very modified “sarah” version of letting The Boy fuss in his crib- and it has worked pretty well for us.
I blogged about the experience on my personal blog (Sleeping Is For Losers) if anyone is interested in reading it…but it certainly hasn’t put an end to my tiredness- just lessened it a bit, which I’m thankful for:)
Wonderful article. I like that it is realistic and NOT about how to make your baby sleep better – those “tips” have never worked for me. I totally agree with not discussinng your child’s sleep habits with moms whose babies sleep – you not only hate them but I used to feel like I was doing something wrong. It’s better to talk to moms in the same situation so that you feel like you have support (or can at least complain to someone who understands!!)
My kids are now 2 and 5 and I am still waiting for the day they both sleep through the night!
Love this list! It is right in line with my way of thinking. H (now 3 year ols) was NOT a good sleeper until she was 2 years old and now sleeps like a champ!
J (7 months old) is very easy to put sleep (can put him down awake), naps well but is up EVERY. TWO. HOURS! at night to nurse.
Because he is my second (and last) baby I am much more relaxed about the lack of sleep. We will only have those quiet mommy and baby times at night for such a short time that I kind of like them…. Most nights….
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…. LOL!!!!
It does get better as they get older!
Love the last one on your list…look at your baby. Not just to see the baby at peace but to try to at least enjoy the moments and remember them as tiny little beings.
So many parents are so busy talking about the next stage or the “percentage” of weight/height their baby was at the doctor’s office I swear it was like they were comparing SAT scores.
I have been blessed with a couple of good sleepers, a couple of not so good sleepers…and now that all four of my monkeys actually sleep through most nights, I am blessed with having a bladder that has been trained to get up three times a night!
I figure it will be good training for the days when they are teenagers and I have to keep checking if they are even home and in bed!!
My DD was a fabulous sleeper, so it makes it even harder that DS is NOT. Not only am I tired but I have experienced the flip-side, it makes the sleeplessness even worse. That is good advice, I should follow it because I only do the showering one right now. The hard part with the second baby is that you can’t follow the cardinal rule of being a new Mom – you can’t sleep when your baby sleeps. Trust me, the deprivation catches up quickly!
What a cute little picture you have there! I agree 100% with your post – especially the eating part. It just ends up making you more tired. I was a bad sleeper and still am. Must be the red hair :O
Good survival guide! I agree with all points but especially the shower and not talking to people who are getting good sleep. The shower kept me from completely feeling like the walking dead. I actually had to stop going to my mom group temporarily as everyone’s baby was sleeping completely through the night and I was still getting up a minimum 6 times a night. I just couldn’t handle it!
I can totally relate! My first child was a HORRIBLE sleeper. Honestly, I don’t think she sleep through the night until 18 months. Not only did she not sleep at night, she didn’t during the day. The only time she slept was when I pushed her in her stroller. Which I did for over 4 hours a day completely sleep deprived. I don’t like to think about those horrible days, but today my daughter at the age of ten can sleep until 11:00am. On the weekends my eldest sleeps until we wake her up, and my 7 year old helps herself to breakfast and watches TV allowing my husband and I to sleep as long as we like!! So hang in there Sarah; in a few years you too will be sleeping in!
I had/have a challenged sleeper too. He is now 10 years-old and sleeping is really his only challenge. He is happy, smart, confident, active and, in my unbiased opinion, the greatest boy in the world! But, he still struggles with sleep. Believe it or not my point is not to depress all of you sleep deprived new moms it is to let you know that a) it will be OK and b) this is just the way some kids are hardwired. I have a 7 year-old daughter who has always slept well so it is not how I parent.
Good for you, Sarah, for trusting yourself enough as a mom to do what feels right. With all the tricks and tips and expert advice we sometimes forget to look to our own instincts for guidance.
What a wonderful time when baby sleeps 🙂
“The Boy” is blessed to have such a loving, caring & dedicated Mommy!