When my daughter was in senior kindergarten, I got a call from her teacher, concerned that while all the other kids were zooming through the leveled little reader books, she wasn’t. She was stuck at level 2.
How could this be? After all, I was a reading specialist, my husband and I are both avid readers, and her older brother was reading simple chapter books at her age!
I panicked.
I shouldn’t have.
I should have remembered what I learned while in Teacher’s College: that it is perfectly normal for there to be a wide range in abilities in students up until grade 3; one kid may go into grade 1 reading while his friend won’t be reading until the start of grade 2. And that’s ok.
Fast forward three years and my daughter is at the top of her class and my son is the one receiving Special Education support; the opposite of what I would’ve predicted. It was only by working with my children’s teachers that I was able to find out which one needed a bit of extra help and which one needed a lot.
So how do you know when your child needs help outside of the regular classroom? And what kind of help do they need? Extra help from the teacher? A tutor? Or intervention from Special Education?
Every child is different, just like every adult is different, so there is no one clear answer to that question, but I can give few a few tips and insights into how to recognize when your child needs help and what kind of help she might need:
If you child needs help with one question in her homework, help her.
If your child needs help with every question in their math homework, don’t help them. Instead, write a note explaining that they may have not understood the concept taught that day.
If your child needs help with every single lesson in fractions but doesn’t need any help with geometry, that’s ok, too. None of us are experts in everything; we all have strengths and weaknesses.
If, after extra help from the teacher, you, and maybe even a tutor, they still aren’t getting it, and its not just in math, it is probably time to explore the possibility that they may need the assistance of the Special Education.
Please, please, please do not think of this as bad thing! It is not a reflection of your skills as a parent, or that you child is “dumb”, or any other negative stereotype you may assume about Special Ed. After all, my husband and I are both very intelligent, I know I am good teacher and mom, and yet my son has a Learning Disability. Special Education includes students that have a Learning Disability and students that are Gifted; students that are blind and students with Autism. Special Education means that a child needs an individualized program to suit his or her needs, whether its one-on-one help, a laptop computer, or extra time. It means that a child has needs that are different than the typical child. And that’s all it means.
After recognizing that your child may need assistance, there is just too much information for me to tell you here; whether its explaining the Special Education process, to the difference between an official Learning Disability and informal support, to your child’s legal rights.
However, there are a couple really important things I do want you to know:
One. The Special Education program is very small…and so is the budget. We are very careful about who we recommend for Special Education assistance and there are many check and balances along the way, so many in fact, the process often takes much longer than we would like. So if a teacher suggests that your child may need help, its because we really believe they do.
Two: A lot of parents are weary of Special Ed. because of the stigma attached to it and the effect it may have on their child’s self-esteem. You know what’s worse than being in Special Ed? Failing every test and assignment. I have been teaching Special Ed for seven years and not once have I heard a student being teased for it. And I teach middle school-the most brutally judgmental grades of all! For that rare kid who does get teased? In the long run, who has the bigger problem, you son, who is learning to reach his full potential or the bully who teases him?
Bottom line? If your child’s teacher suggests Special Education involvement, don’t dismiss it, discuss it.
This year in my grade 7 class, I have a student who is Gifted but who also has a very prominent Learning Disability; his handwriting compares to that of a 5-year-old. But because of the intervention of the Special Education system, in co-operation with his parents, he has learned how communicate his learning in the most amazing ways, including using clay animation to show what he learned about North American explorers, a project he was invited to present to the Director of Education for the Toronto District School board.
I have another student in my class with a prosthetic leg, who among the cheers of his classmates, excitedly told me how he kicked the soccer ball so hard that his leg went flying across the field! Later in the day, that boy was elected as our class’s Student Council representative.
As adults, we strive to be unique, to be different, to be individuals. Special Ed kids? Well, they just got an early jump on things…
Great post, Cayla! I find that with my daughter she needs help sometimes and not others. She is a great student but easily distracted. We will keep our eye on it and definitely open ourselves up to support if the teacher feels it is needed. Thanks, also, for putting this in a positive light!
Cayla very well said. I have 2 kids my 4 yr old boy that when into JK with the school knowing he needed special support. He has a developmental delay in his fine motor and social skills. And on a long waiting list to be assesed by DACS with Markham Stoufville to see if he has Broad Spectrum Disorder. But I am doing what I can now outside of school to get extra help for him so he can outgrow or improve his skills to be as normal as possible. But in my daughter case who is 7yrs of age and is very shy at school only. I was getting a lot of feedback from her teacher that there was some concern with her learning behavior such as not wanting to do the work or would just sit there and not produce anything on time. Shge was being nice about her approach and telling me to take her to the doctor. I did but the quack doctor she sent me to was not very well mannered and made her diagnoses a big joke. Then shortly after the school sent home some forms for me to sign and I did the bad thing of a parent. And did not sign it back because I was afraid of the stigma and the teasing from fellow classmates. And it was at the end of the school year. So far I have been communicating with this years teacher and we are keeping an eye on things. I was in special ed as a kid and they used to take you and put you in a special class for DUMMYS. But I see things have changed and now the IEP are usually done in class with everyone else. And that is so much better than it was back in the day. Glad to see your post. It offered a lot of insight. Thank You
Totally agree. The best thing I did when I discovered my kids had special needs was call out for “help”.
Great post! I’ve always been proud to have solidly average children and am just now finding one may need extra help. We’re about to have her assessed and then we’ll see where we go from there, and you’ve certainly touched on some of our fears and concerns about teasing or bullying. She is taking it all in stride and has an excellent, supportive teacher so it’s really a non-issue in that way. I’m grateful to have resources available to us to get her the help she needs.
I think this is a great article – we need to help our children instead of feeling the shame families/society places on kids at a different point on the so called “curve”.
Having a “late speaker” – it made me nuts all the commentary and “advice”. The best thing I did was educate myself about what we can do to help her.
The stigma reminds me of children with depression – it is so counter productive, I could scream.
Stand up, for your kids Moms. They deserve our best.
Awesome post Cayla! It’s too bad ‘special ed’ has such a negative attached to it – it’s SPECIAL..special is always good in my book…
Cayla, this is so well said! Thanks for your insight. As a parent of two children who struggle with academics (one with an LD, one without) everything you have said here is true, and I wish someone had informed me of it 10 years ago!! I hope your information helps someone who needs some direction in this area.