A bunch of mommy bloggers picked up on a Newsweek piece that ran last week about motherhood. Specifically, it dealt with the the eight things that the author’s kid is torturing her with. I loved the article and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I love when mom’s can admit that it ain’t all sunshine and butterflies floating over a rainbow. Frankly, sometimes you get to the pot at the end of the rainbow and it’s filled with a steaming pile of crap.
So, to stand in solidarity, I’d like to add the eight things that I, um, strongly dislike about parenthood and I’d like everyone to be honest and add to the list….come on you know you have something.
1. Being ‘on’ 24 hours a day. Face it, even when you’re sleeping, you’re still ‘on’. Have you truly had a solid sleep since the kid was born? I doubt it. If you have, can you share the drugs please?
2. Wiping other people’s poop. Sorry, I wish I could say it’s my boy and his poop smells like roses, but it doesn’t. And it makes me gag. Still.
3. Temper tantrums. Or bi-polar disorder maybe. Honestly, HONESTLY…do you have to have a full on meltdown because I’m pulling the horrible injustice of trying to put a sock on your foot. Kid, just wait until you see the line up at 40% off day at the Gap, that’ll give you something to yell about.
4. Smiling while people give you advice. Seriously, I will and DO ask when I need it, because a good 90% of the time I’m flying by the seat of my pants. But when the 18 year-old cashier at Shoppers tells me my kid should have a coat on, I’d like it be legal to slap someone across the face like Cher in Moonstruck and yell, ‘snap out of it.’
5. Talking baby talk. There were a few things I vowed when I got knocked up – to not listen to kids music, to introduce the boy to different foods and to not talk baby talk. He bobs along to Dylan and he eats sushi but I’ve become that mother – you know I say everything twice and add that irritating head shake at the end of every sentence. Argh.
6. Not being able to avoid the ‘baby talk’. This is different than #5. When I was a babyless thirtysomething, I used to hate going to parties etc when the majority of attendees were mothers. Now that I have Will, I get that it becomes your life and therefore the central focus of most conversations AND I love talking about Will, obviously. But not always. I don’t like it for me, or for my other friends who don’t have children. Some people don’t want them, some people can’t have them or maybe someone just lost one. You don’t know. And it is possible to not talk about the offspring.
My book club is filled with mothers and we talk about the book, sex, food, sex, travelling, sex…and well you get the point.
**I guarantee that this convo didn’t start like this.. “oh my god and then Will….”
I’m going to stop at 6, because I can’t really come out with any other ones. And lest you think I’m a grump who hates being a mother, I’ll save my top 8 reasons why I love it for Mother’s Day. Because I do, I really and I mean REALLY do.
I’d like to share an interview I did with Dr. Michael Goldberg, renown expert in the field of autism and my son’s doctor. He shares valuable information on the connection between autism and other immune dysfunction illnesses such as CFIDS, ADHD, MS and more. Visit: http://the-autism-epidemic.com/ for free audio interview. Thanks and enjoy…Dorothea
Sara- much needed advice, thank you. Need to get my act together before the terrible two’s.
Fran – I love all of these…#1 is so TRUE and add shower to that one….And trust me Will is 21 mos today, and the patience thing continues to be an issue for us. My suggestion (oh god unsolicited advice), when I’m losing mine, I put him in his crib and go stand outside and have five minutes of deep breaths….then I go back to him…and sometimes, he’s asleep already!!! Hang in there, and let’s work on those mute buttons!
My baby girl is six months old and the worst things for me so far have been :
1). the inability to do my number two leisurely. Oh, how I long for those days when I could spend as much time as I wanted in the loo. There’s nothing worse than walking around with a huge load of… um.. dump waiting for the ‘right’ time to unload it.
2) No break whatsoever…on shift 24/7. Many times I struggle to remember what day of the week and somehow I miss some days; like thinking it’s a Thursday when it’s Friday and not knowing what happened to the other 24 hrs.
3) Having to be very, very, very quiet when she naps in the lounge. At times, just opening the fridge door heralds the end of my ‘me time’. Still learning how to sneeze quietly.
4) Having to ‘swing from the tree’ for her to finally sleep. Nap time now comes with a lot of drama and this has been very trying for me. I have lost it a few times only to be overwhelmed with guilt for not being patient enough. I’m working on my patience… need lots more.
5) The pitch of her scream. Why don’t babies come with a mute button? That’d be handy, you know when I’ve done everything and she’s still inconsolable and my head is about to explode.
6) Decisions, decisions, decisions. Now I have to decide on everything from vaccinations , what to feed her, what products to use, which advice to take etc. To make matters worse there are so many ‘experts’ out there; I love google but it can be very confusing. What and who to believe? At the end of the day, I have to make that decision and live by it, hoping I have protected my daughter’s interests. Arrggh!! God help me.
That’s all I can come up with for now. I’m sure as she grows older I’ll meet with new challenges. Still I love her so much and being a mom is so worth it. Ta
Good for you, Sara. I agree we should not be afraid to be honest about the “secret truth” of motherhood…some parts of it suck! Here’s my list:
1. Feeling like somebody ALWAYS needs me, and wondering when I’ll be able to put myself first again (if ever!)
2. Being judged: not only by my children’s behaviour but based on my parenting decisions.
3. The politics – at school, on teams, etc. Why can’t other parents just let their kids be kids and live well enough alone?
4. Bickering. Seriously: when my kids bicker with each other and/or their friends, it makes me want to stick needles in my eyes.
5. Watching their lame-o plays. And I know that this is karmic payback for all the lame-o plays I made my parents (and grandparents and aunts & uncles) watch, but honestly…their plays suck and I hate to watch them! (Sorry!)
Okay, let’s see here… I’m thinking this might be harder to write today, than say yesterday. TODAY, Felix is over at my in-laws for his first sleepover (he’s 5 mo)… ack. I just went upstairs to pee a few minutes ago.. and OMG.. his crib was empty. SADNESS. Which brings me to..
#1 That even when I’m AWAY from my kid.. I still can’t stop thinking about him; can’t stop talking about him; can’t stop HEARING him. Like holy hallucinations, Batman.. I could swear I heard him over the monitor like 10 times this afternoon! All of this thinking about him and missing him defeats the whole purpose of being away from him! I am beginning to see that I will never be completely free of this little guy.. for as long as I live. Thrilling and chilling somehow at the same time.
#2 That my life is on a schedule. Because Felix is on a schedule, by proxy -I- am on a schedule. My whole day revolves around him and his sleep/feeding schedule. I screw up the schedule on even just ONE thing.. and I’m in some deep doo-doo –sometimes literally.
#3 Responsibility. I have never been a very responsible person.. it’s always something I’ve struggled with. I left home young, travelled and moved wherever I pleased..sometimes across continents. I didn’t often think of the consequences of my actions. Now, I have no choice but to think of how my actions will affect Felix. In the long run, this has been very good for me.. but I won’t lie –the weight of it also scares the shit out of me sometimes.
#4 Guilt. Like, WTF?! I’d heard of mommy guilt before.. but I had NO idea how very real it actually is. I swear, the moment he was born the guilt’o’meter started up. I felt guilty while he was colicky –I was sure it was something I was doing or eating.. guilty leaving him at my in laws.. guilty when he crys in a store –I shouldn’t be dragging him around and screwing up his schedule; guilty for plunking him in front of the tv so that I can God forbid, have a moment to myself.. it goes on and on as I’m sure you mom’s know and I see absolutely NO end in site. I just keep piling guilt upon guilt..
#5 The Future. This is a love/hate thing. I have moments of complete and utter terror.. I look at him, and think of him growing up.. and not knowing how that is going to play out.. the responsibility of it and I honestly feel sick inside. Scares the living hell out of me. The only thing I DO know, is that for the first time in my life, my future is inextricably linked to someone. I can’t run away.. can’t move to another country.. can’t break up with him.. For better or worse he’s mine and I’m his. While this is terrifying –it’s also exciting.. even comforting; and truthfully.. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Well, it looks like I managed to make a list after all -though I only listed 5. I would be repeating everyone else if I continued.. not to mention, that’s quite enough about him.. on to DATE NIGHT and free flowing booze 😉
1) Lack of sleep. This was the absolutely hardest thing. A tired mom is a nasty mom. Plus, this means
2) Being UNcool. I really do think I am pretty cool. Not just for a mom but in general. I think I would be cool to have as a mom. Yet, as my kids get older I get less cool and it is only going to get worse.
3) Momma Bear. I am a passionate person and can debate like the best of them but do something to one of my kids and watch out. It is uncontrollable and sometimes I look back and think, “yikes. that was a bit over the top.”
4) Selflessness. Sometimes I just want to be my old self-centred, self-indulgent, overall selfish self.
5) Marriage & Motherhood. Sometimes marriage and motherhood don’t mix. There isn’t time for focusing on both and marriage takes a backseat. This is the biggest test a marriage can face.
Jennifer and MC – I bow to you and so, so agree! As an aunt of an awesome kid on the autism spectrum, I’m well familiar with the looks of judgment etc – people have NO idea what is happening. I want to add that to my list!! Good one!
Thanks Annabelle…I can only imagine what we were laughing at! I love your #4…I’m not a stay at home mom, but I can envision that convo in my head….and the spontanaiety (sp?) soo true! I booked a ‘spontaneous’ trip to NY…I leave in a month – you know 3 months after I booked it…
What a great picture! So much laughter it just makes me laugh to see it! Thanks for sharing that one. What book could you have been reading that week I wonder???
What do I hate about motherhood???
1)When kids greet me with “I want… He said….I need” statements before they even say hello
2) Getting dirty looks from strangers when your kids are having a tantrum, or worse, strangers who stare and watch the tantrum like it is some kind of show
3) Wondering, on a daily basis, where my boobs have gone
4) The “good for you” look and smile I get when I tell people at my husband’s social gatherings that I am a stay at home mom. And then they have nothing else to say….
5) I will stop at five, I am getting bitter…. I hate that I can’t just be spontaneous and go for a run when I feel like one, or bike ride, or dancing, or sleeping….
I agree with most of the above. My son is just finally being diagnosed as borderline Aspergers. I have known forever that something was up, but everyone medical, teachers, other parents, always felt I wasn’t hard enough on him, etc. We really need to truly listen to each other better not just hear each other.
When I told teachers etc my son will not eat most foods, they would say things like put the same food in front of him as you are eating, he’ll come around. Oh, when he starts daycare, he’ll eat. When his baby sister comes along and starts eating, he’ll eat more foods. Well he didnt’ and he doesn’t. It is not my preference to have to go outside midwinter to eat peanut butter and I am not trying to kill any other children the odd time that through human error a pb sandwich entered a building and was exposed to open air for 1.5 seconds.
I do not want to visit at lunch every day in grade 1, but I did. i do not want him to live on a high fat, high sodium lunch every day, but I am doing so, because they pretty much demanded I let him eat on his own and that’s all he will eat onhis own, ONE brand of macaroni and cheese. Just like he ate ONE pita for 18months and then ONE bread for 4 years, with cream cheese, every day.
I do not wish for my son to have anxiety. I do not want him to be so hypersensitive. I do not want your condescension either Mrs. I run a Montessori and I say send him to bed with Cheerios if he wont eat. It was not ever and to this day is still not ever, that simple.
He’s uber bright, he knows what’s wrong. He doesn’t know how to get there from here and neither do I but we do try and we will get there. But it will be a whole lot easier with a whole lot more understanding.
Thanks for listening!
I agree with you on all of your points and have felt them all at some point! And I think its great that we can come out and say it can be hell at times without others judging us! We should all work together and help each other out.
A couple other mentions. My child has a mild form of Spina Bifida and basically cannot tell when he has to go to the bathroom and also with his disability comes with it a form of ADHD.
So the one thing I strongly dislike about being a parent is Parent Teacher Meetings! My kid didnt choose this problem, I am so sorry it makes your job harder when you have to remind him to go change his diaper or tell him to keep it down. But dont take it out on me at meetings and imply that I am a bad parent. Lets work together to help him and make school a pleasant experience – He should not HATE school at age 8. And also he is 8 and I have to still help him in the bathroom – and let me tell you the smell gets worse when they get older ; )
Love him though and couldnèt live without him!
I hate that people judge me according to my children’s successes or
failures. I’m me, and I want to be judged only for who I am, not
for my children. Their successes and failures belong to them.
Please judge me according to my own character and my own achievements
if in fact you have to judge at all. And just to add, one never
knows all the facts and variables in another person’s life, so
just don’t judge!! That’s what I hate the most about being a parent.