My grandmother is sick. my father’s mother.
physically, she’s in great health. in fact, over the last few years, it’s been nice to see her break out of her self-starvation anorexic stage (nobody likes an anorexic grandmother.) and put on a few pounds. it’s her mental health. her dementia. her alzheimer’s.
she’s been slightly forgetful for about as long as i can remember. it would come and go…but not really interrupt her life too much. she and my grandfather had a nice little life for themselves in cleveland. and then my grandfather died unexpectedly while we were all in Atlanta for Chrismukah. my dad decided a move to Atlanta, to be around family, was needed. she lived with him for a while and then moved into a retirement residence for active seniors. she loved it. she made friends. she watched her soaps. she played mah-jong. she ate real meals for the first time in years.
but these past few years have been a slippery slope. her forgetfulness has turned into something much stronger. much stronger than anything she or my dad or her doctors could control. she now spends more time confused than she does lucid. she can tell you what’s happened on the Young and the Restless every season for the last 20 years, but she can’t tell you where she put her keys. or that Isabella is a girl. or if she has eaten lunch.
it’s incredibly difficult to watch. to watch a person’s mind deteriorate. watching a person’s memories being ripped right out from underneath her.
and the worst part about it is that she knows what’s happening to her. she doesn’t know exactly, but she knows. she knows that something isn’t right. and that things are changing around her, and that she is no longer in control. i’m scared for her. i hope the day comes soon where she doesn’t know. she doesn’t realize that her mind is gone. and that she can’t remember who my cousin is. as hard as it will be for us to watch it, it eases the mind to know that she has no idea. in a way, this seems somewhat easier than dying of an illness.
a person with an illness or an injury feels the pain. a person with alheimer’s family feels the pain. i’ll bear the brunt of it if it means that she doesn’t have to. i’ll smile when she says to me, for the 400th time, "that Emily, she’ll never get lost in this world." because she means it. she is still there enough to know what a little pistol my Emily is. and she doesn’t realize that she’s told me many, many times. i’ll just smile and say, "you know what Grandma? i hope she doesn’t get lost in this world." and if she does, i’ll gladly bear the brunt of it for her, too.
Leeshy, I’m so sorry. I just read this now. I know how hard it is. I saw Josh’s family suffer when his grandmother declined quickly as a result of the disease. It’s awful for everyone. I’m sorry, and enjoy her while you can….There’s nothing more I can say, I know….
last night on the phone with my grandmother (mom’s mom) refered to daniella as “your little girl” and yitzy as “he”. that was the first time i noticed that she didn’t call my children by name. at all. even after i used their names. my grandmother is a smart woman. she reads the newspaper, which is quite a feat for a woman who has been legally blind for at least the last twenty years, if not more. she listens to the news. she listens to opera. in fact, she studied music in college. college. how many grandmothers went to college! she double majored in french and spanish, and knows latin, italian, and german, and hebrew and yiddish, of course. this is a woman who can outsmart my mother and is quick as a whip. but there are more and more moments when she will repeat herself for the quadrillionth time in the conversation. or say something that is completely random. are you in the same time zone? this from a woman who has traveled all over the world. it seems so contradictory. and frustrating.
I sympathyze. My husband’s grandmother had Alzheimer’s and it was really, really difficult for his family to see her deteriorate the way she did. Hang in there…
oh ali i’m so sorry about your grandmother.mine is old,in her 90’s and shes starting to forget things to.but nothing like dementia or alzheimers.you know what though i’ll bet she knows what a sweet and strong granddaughter you are.