Losses Large and Small

When a child faces a big event, it can be hard to know what to say. We librarians often suggest using stories for two reasons. First, it can show the child that they are not alone, and that there are others who understand their feelings. This can be a big help. Secondly, reading about a similar setting can open conversation, and allow you to start talking at a bit of a remove about the experience in the book, and then bring it closer to the child’s own feelings.

These two books are opposites in approach, and definitely aimed at different ages, but as good as they are, they are also not the only books on the topic. I reviewed a couple of titles on the same theme last year, and have posted a list of some others here.

Making a Friend
by Alison McGhee
Atheneum Books
ISBN: 978 1 4169 8998 1

The first half of this book is about a young boy making a snowman which he sees as a friend. When the snowman melts, as they inevitably do, he is sad, but starts to see him in the water, the rain, the fog, and so on. The refrain “what you love will always be with you” is repeated as seasons change and cold weather comes around again and he is able to rebuild his snowman.

While this story is essentially about a snowman, and can be read on that level, it is also a very gentle way to start a conversation about bereavement and how those we love stay with us in various ways through memory and the other things and people they have left behind. Soft and gentle but a little wistful in tone, this is a very nice way to talk to a younger child about loss, be it a death or the loss of a comfort object.

The Scar
by Charlotte Moundlic
Candlewick Press
ISBN: 978 0 7636 5341 5

This book carries a serious and heavy impact, being narrated by a young boy whose mother has died in the night. It is very, very well-done, but definitely not for anyone who is hoping to take a gentle or circuitous approach to a child’s opening up. I say this because when I read it first, with some other children’s librarians, we collectively felt that it was very powerful, and should really only be given to a bereaved child’s remaining parent to read with the child. That said, in that situation, that parent could really benefit from this tool.

The voice of the boy in this story is excellent, with the logic of a child, and the concerns raised are at a child’s level. This very thing, though, while it provides a good window into a child’s thoughts, makes this book heart-wrenching to read. It spares nothing of the reactions of anger and well as sorrow, the feeling of the child wanting to help his dad, and his attempts to hold onto parts of his mom, which make me sob a bit even as I write this. It ends on a peaceful note, though, as his grandmother teaches him that his mom is always with him in his heart and he eventually finds that a source of comfort and peace.

As a final note, I should also mention that this child’s mother was sick, and she had spoken to him before she died to tell him that she was too weak to go on. This does nothing to lessen the impact, of course, but sets the situation here.