Sunday afternoon the phone rang and call displayed showed the number of a little boy that my 7yr old really likes. Hmmm…a playdate maybe? That would be fun – they so rarely happen for him.
ME: Hello?
The Mom: Hi it’s Jane, Jimmy’s mom
ME: Oh hey! How are you?!
The Mom: Good thanks. I just wanted to let you know that Jimmy can come.
ME: Ohhh…Okay…
The Mom: The party? Joey’s party? Jimmy will be able to go.
ME: Oh Jane, you’ve got the wrong number. This is Christine.
The Mom: Ohh sorry!
ME: No worries…
blah blah blah…
Okay so there’s a birthday party in the class and my guy wasn’t invited. No big deal. Honestly. The major deficit with this disorder is his social deficit. I know he’s not close with alot of kids – if any. But he definately has his favourites. It’s never bothered me about birthday parties or lack of invites to them.
Yesterday he bounded out of school with an envelope in hand, waving it shouting “Mom! Mom! I got mail. It’s my birthday party!” (his pronouns are still pretty messed up). This one was from a different boy.
My heart filled a little bit thinking how sweet it was that he was invited. Then a parallel thought ran through my head that he just recieved the invite because his name was on the class list.
I chose to go with the first thought and I opened the invitation.
Son of a….
The birthday party will take place at the movie theatre where they are going to watch “How To Train Your Dragon” and then celebrate with pizza and cake afterwards.
The problem with that party? EVERYTHING.
He has never been to the movies. He won’t sit through a movie at home, much less in theatre plus the sound would be too loud for him.
(His favourite thing to watch right now is this and he’ll rewind it over and over where the old guy screams. He kills himself laughing…)
The pizza and cake afterwards – he’s on a gluten and casein free diet. He has been for 5 yrs (long before Jenny McCarthy made it cool). He is at a point where he is aware enough that his food is different and he wants what the others are having. And what the others are having is just not good for him.
Unfortunately we rsvp “not attending” to the party.
Fortunately in his backpack was a permission form for an upcoming field trip which excited him way more than the birthday invitation. For him – there is nothing more fun than a field trip!
He celebrated his 7th birthday last November with his family, like he had the previous 6 birthdays. He’s never had a friend birthday party. Never wanted a friend party.
Give him some presents, “pizza that the man brings” (aka: delivery – thank you Pizza Pizza!!!) and a homemade cake and that’s all he’ll need for the best birthday ever.
For the most part I feel like our life is not all that different than everyone else’s.
But every now and then there are little reminders (like birthday party invitations) that our normal is VERY different than everyone else’s.
They say there’s a silver lining to everything. Things like that don’t bother my son.
I guess it’s a case of “ignorance is bliss”.
For now he’s pretty unaware or doesn’t care about being left out of many social situations. I would imagine that if anyone made fun of him – it wouldn’t bother him.
That lack of social awareness…
He’s such a tremendously happy guy most of the time that it’s hard to feel heartbreak for him – he’s got such a great spirit. All we want is for our kids to be happy. And he is. So I have to be.
And he hasn’t said a word about the invitation he got yesterday. He was more excited about having something in his mailbox than getting an invite.
Christine – your situation, although more extreme, is less different than you think. My daughter’s friend came over on the weekend to play and spent a good 10 minutes telling her how she missed The Best Birthday Party EVER the day before and EVERYONE was there! My daughter was more confused than upset. Later she asked me, “why do you think I wasn’t invited when all my friends were?” My heart nearly exploded.
Christine – what a great post. Great in that many parents (and aunts) of autistic kids can so relate to this. It’s a heartbreaking part of this disorder – for the kids and for the parents. And I’m SO showing that video to my nephew – he is the king of Youtube and finds many hilarious vids there…I know he’ll love that exact part!
I love you Christine. I can relate to this so much. Our normal seems so normal…until those lil reminders come. Thank you for reminding us that we’re not alone and we can handle the crazy lil bumps with grace and humor.