DISCLAIMER: From now till Haley-O gives birth, DO NOT expect ANYTHING brillers to appear on present screen. Thank you for understanding and for your ongoing commitment and much appreciated support of limping, burping, kvetching, double-chinned, uggers-haired, dimply-arsed preggers woman. LOVE!!!
It’s Saturday. The neighbour is rehearsing his opera aria (or, is it oprah….preggers brain killed my heretofore excillint speling abulitys). He’s a big time opera star in Europe. Apparently, it’s easier to make it in opera overseas than it is here in North America. He’s a YUGE star there. Anyway, he’s here half the year, on and off. And, he stays at his ex-wife’s house with their kids. I’m not sure what their relationship’s like now. But, my horndog preggers brain imagines them having great, opera-star ex-sex.
Ummm…., before I DARE get into the greater details of what I imagine they do when he’s back in town, maybe I should let you know where my mind’s at lately? I mean, did I mention that (other than Clive Owen) I’m so HOTT for Ed Harris? (Check it here). Oh, and today, I talked to a 19-year-old U of T rugby player for, like, 2 hours and didn’t take my eyes off his prettiness for one second — for fear that I might miss another FABULOUS angle of his gorj, tanned, perfectly-proportioned face. HORNDOG ALERT HORNDOG ALERT BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! PLEASE EVACUATE! BEEEEEEEP HORNDOG!
I think my horndogness has been one of the BIGGEST symptoms of this pregnancy. I don’t remember being this strangely horndoggy last time. I mean, I think the most unlikely men are hott. Here’s the rundown, as far as I remember it (and I don’t remember much at all these days):
CLIVE OWEN (EEEEEEEEEEEEE! drooooool…. Hottest man on EARTH [my hubby NOT INCLUDED] even when I’m not preggers.)
EVEL DICK, BIG BROTHER (even though he probably smells like farts and cigarettes, I imagine him smelling like the SEXIEST cologne ever invented…. I even love the tats — which is SO not LIKE ME!)
CANE from Y&R…. ACCCCENT!!! MMMMMWWAH!
SHANE SPARKS, choreographer, SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE (He can CHOREOGRAPH me ANY-TIME!)
GREG NEUFELD from CANADIAN IDOL (HEARRRRRRT!!! I could listen to those husky pipes all night long…. Felt like life was over when he was eliminated. I’m still not over it. WAHHH.)
ED HARRIS (IS IT HOTT IN HERE????? And, what’s wrong with me?)
Aaaaand, who can forget: WAITER FROM GRAZIE….
Of course, I saved the best for last: JOSH-O, who’s actually reaped VERY LITTLE reward from my horndogness, I’ll have you know.
I’m pregnant, soooo no touchy…. I mean THE IDEA of sex is nice and exciting and BEEP BEEP BEEP HORNDOG ALERT…, and, like, it’s on my mind a lot. But, the actual act? Not so much. I HURT down there. And, and, and…my breasts have a life of their own! And, and, and, while many pregnant women feel more beautiful than EVAH, and many actually LOOK more beautiful than EVAH when preggers, I AM NOT ONE OF THEM. I feel UG-GERS. And, you can think I’m horrible for saying that, but, it’s the truth! And, it’s okay because that’s how I feel and I’m not one to hide that truth for the sake of feminisim or the Dove campaign or whatevs. I FEEL UGGERS, yes I do, and there I said it (again). Anyway, because I feel so uggers when preggers, I like to keep this preggers bawd to myself.
You can definitely rub my belly, though. ALL OF YOU can. I SO don’t mind. LOVE!
And, by the way, I don’t feel weird about talking about NOT being into sex when I’m preggers. I only have ONE friend who had sex ALL THROUGH HER PREGNANCY (and, you SO know who you are, and so does your HUSBAND — HORNDOGS!). Most of my other friends (and I have a lot of friends — really, it’s ridiculous and time-consuming!) are SOOO not into sex when preggers….unless they’re, like, 10 days overdue and willing to try anything to go into labour….
Oh, THIS JUST IN: what do you know — apparently Angelina Jolie felt sexy when preggers.
Yes, Angelina told Marie Claire magazine that she "loved being pregnant and fortunately I was with a man who found it sexy, too"; "In the weeks before the birth," she says, "we’d have dinner in the dunes by candlelight. We would have tents out there and we had the ocean." HAAAAAATE.
AnyHOOT……! What about you? Were you into sex when you were pregnant? Feel free to leave your comment anonymous if it makes you feel more comfortable. Although, if I’M putting myself out there, you can, too, right? And, I’m, like SOOOOO shy. Seriously.
Want more Cheaty? Check it — at THE CHEATY MONKEY. It’s my personal blog, but it’s basically a pregnancy blog, too, right now! Come see how I’ve been preparing for NEW BABY! We’re really getting into it. Have bought sleepers and onesies and furniture and everything! And, come CHECK my feet! I got pics…..
Want gossip? Check it — at CHEATY’S CELEBRITY GOSSIP!!!
LOVE!
xo Haley-O
haley i love you.you make me laugh my butt off.i just couldn’t get enough while preggers.i only refused 3 times with 4 pregnancies AND the after baby sex is so great even better after each baby.
Well, it’s been a realllly long time since a fetus last occupied this uterus but, yes, I do seem to recall being quite a bit more randy with #2 than I was with #1. And, #2 was a week early while #1 was a week late. Make of that what you will. On a side note, I’ve only just discovered your blogs and I love them.
I was really, really into it during the 1st trimester (which is odd because I was so drained), and now that I’m nearing the end of my 2nd trimester it sounds like alot of fun…but WAY too much effort is involved. I’m not accustomed to having to move something this large around to be able to do it! Maybe once a week… :o)
Hmm…I think I was like you, love the idea, horny as heck, but not neccesarily wanting to contort my body or even be touched by the end. Everything hurts, even your skin. Baby number 3 I wanted it the most, I was also my smallest and had him 2 weeks early rather than 2 weeks late, so..
i don’t remember being any more horny while pregnant…interesting…
First of all, if I looked like Angelina while preggo I think I’d be into it too. I, however, did not and still do not look like her so….not that into myself while preggers and (sorry to tell tales) neither is hubby. He doesn’t mind but it’s not much more fun for him than it is for me:(
Only baby I felt the horn dog preggo thing with was baby #3 (yes I have 4 so I do know of what I speak) and I was soooooooo huge by the end with her, yuck but I was horny so, who knows what that was about.
I have to say that I do miss the girls though. Mine are looooooong gone never to be seen again.
Enjoy your last few weeks! Can’t wait to hear what you have.
I agree with you Haley… i am also due 09/30 with #2 and even though the thought of sex sounds good, actually doing it-um, not so much! I am too big and tired and also my achy pelvic area hurts with every step. I also dont feel sexy at all, and with the heat of the summer here i feel like a sweaty mess most of the time. Hang in there we only have 25 days to go! Good Luck to you!!
Hmmm. I was really, really into sex during my second pregnancy – my theory is that it was all of the male hormones. But the other two pregnancies, I was just into ice cream.
I’ll just say my husband is very happy I’m pregnant 😀
And I find a LOT of men attractive now too. Even those who weren’t my type before. Like Dr. House. He’s old, walks with a cane and is a complete ass. Not to mention he doesn’t exist in real life. But I want him!
nope, none for me while preggers. Good thing I only did the preggers thing once cuz I like the other too much to give it up for that long again.
I LOVED being pregnant and was definitely into sex! I think it was having sex that made me go into labour with #1. Go on, Haley, put those horndog hormones to good use 😉 ‘Cause Kath is right – Post-partum they will be LONG GONE.
Okay, this may be TMI, but I was VERY into sex while pregnant, and not just the thinking about it, but definitely the act! Right up until the end, too. DH was grossed out a bit during the last few weeks with baby #1 (well, he said worried, but really, I think grossed out) so we didn’t do it much for the last 3 or 4 weeks, but with baby #2 he was willing to go right to the end – I think he remembered how long it was until I was ready again post-partum, and then that whole breastfeeding, small baby libido-killing thing for 2 years afterwards! Anyway, enjoy your hordogness while you still have it 😉