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Let’s Start at the Very Beginning.

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Well, here it is. My dirty little secret. I am finally ready to talk about it because it has become clear to me and while I thought I was a unique snowflake in this sea of infidelity, I am not. It seems that times are changing. Gone are the days where women stayed at home and engaged in the Donne Reed style of parenting – cooking, cleaning, tending to the family, interacting with very few men on a daily basis. Now, women are in the workplace, women are on the internet, women are reconnecting with old flames through the magic of social media outlets like facebook, women are people in their own rights. So women are doing all the things men can do. So, it seems that infidelity is not just for men anymore. It’s happening all around us, and more than you might think. The next time you are at the office, look around. The woman you work with may be having an emotional affair. The next time you are at the park, look around. The woman beside you pushing her son on the swing may be having a physical affair. So, yes, it happens more than you think. And it happened to me. 

But I never thought it would. In fact, I never thought it could. 
infidelity.jpg
I suppose to tell this tale, I have to start at the beginning. 
When you marry someone you have known all your life, there are hardly any surprises. Our parents have country clubbed together for as long as I can remember. Our dads golf together. Joel was never really on my radar because he was 3 years old than I was, and while we were growing, that number could have been twenty years. Besides, I was really good friends with his little sister Dana. It wasn’t until University, when we were both at the same place, where Joel really started to notice me…and I really noticed the attention he gave me. At some point he stopped being Dana’s older brother, and started becoming my boyfriend. And then he became my husband.
My parents were thrilled. His parents were thrilled. I was thrilled, too. It just felt right. Perfect, even. We had this perfect little life. Joel worked in the family business, and I worked ON the family business, and produced an heir and an heiress that made lovely little additions to our family. 
And then Joel got promoted. And then he became busier and busier. And then came the travel. He was away more often than he was home. And to help me out at home with the kids, he brought me Sonia, his childhood nanny, to help with the cooking and cleaning and laundry and bathing. I won’t lie, Sonia was a lifesaver, and sometimes I felt like she made a better husband than Joel did. 
And then Joel suggested that I do something JUST FOR ME. The truth is…I had never thought about that. One night over some wine and some Chinese takeout, Joel suggested that I take advantage of having Sonia around. He said I should take a class, or start playing a sport, or, heck, even play mah-jong or something. So, I started to think that maybe he was right. He had so many things…he golfed, he played basketball, he traveled…I mean, heck, he went to an office every day. I never did anything for myself, and he noticed, and he just wanted me to be happy.
That’s the thing with Joel. He wanted me to be happy. 
And so I pulled out my dusty old camera and enrolled in a photography class. And I borrowed some golf clubs from my mother and signed up for some Sunday morning golf lessons. 
I was on my way. 
To happiness. 

Comments

  1. Pamela says

    I read all the post on this and I have to say I agree completely with Anastasia, In all the Abrahamic faith (Christianity, Islam and Judism) Adultry is a Sin and hurts so many close to it sometimes even for generations, I think we come to a point in this world where the bad is look on as Good(spicy) and the Good who cares.
    When Adultry happens and I is remorseful and God see it, is very different than Blogging, than again in our World Soap Opera sells. Hope the site can do better in the future.
    Pamela

  2. anastasia beaverhausen says

    Being the child from a broken home I feel I have say that having an affair is the most selfish thing a parent can do. If you aren’t happy, leave. I know that marriage can be hard, and it can become routine, but at the end of the day a committment was made and in most cases children are brought in. An affair is worse than a divorce and for the child can cause a lot of emotional damage down the road as well as serious trust issues. I don’t feel this blog is being brave at all.

  3. Out_there says

    Well put Tracey. I think it is an important story to be told too. I commend LylaD on her bravery to tell it.

  4. Tracey says

    To be clear, I am not titillated – this is not spicy gossip to me at all… though I am always interested in what factors can bring a person to any kind of decision, especially in the face of convention (and our “society” is particularly puritanical at best) and it’s because it’s so “hazardous” to all players involved, children, in-laws, etc., to make a conscious decision in this arena, that can be so altering cannot be an easy one.
    I pass no judgements either. Life is short – and life is also rather long… choices in people and circumstances that we make at one stage in a life may not continue to suit ten or twenty years later. People change. Lives change.
    I’m still interested to know what happens next here…

  5. Out_there says

    To be clear, I am not passing judgement in regards to LylaD or her situation. Having had this happen to me (from the other end) I understand the logic and thoughts behind the decision (and let’s be clear it is a decision) that leads someone down that path. Is it complex no doubt about it. And chances are it has left her actually in a much happier place (depending on the outcome of her story). I look forward to reading more to find out hopefully she is happier and more fulfilled.
    My comment was more directed towards the titillation that people were displaying regarding the subject. Yes infidelity is always exciting and gives you the rush of feelings many have lost but once had with their partners.
    There are many pressures and feelings behind the decision to go outside a bond before dealing with a spouse first. But don’t forget what comes after. In the best case scenario you can wind up getting those morning cuddles, hearing about their day and sharing your life with them every other week.

  6. Jen says

    I think it is easy for us, looking in, to pass judgment. I can only imagine how complex this really is and I thank you for sharing your story. I know it wasn’t an easy decision.

  7. Sara says

    I’m so with Out_there and Nancy…brave to share….sure but it may have been braver to get out of something you weren’t too happy in. I’m curious to see how this pans out in all aspects.

  8. Anne Green says

    Hmmm. Not sure what I think. I’ve never really understood infidelity. It just does not seem to be part of my being… my DNA.. my version of my world??? But I suppose most people think that till it happens to them. Even LylaD says: “But I never thought it would. In fact, I never thought it could.” So… well… hmmm.

  9. Out_there says

    Spicey sure. Until it happens to you. Then not so much. But much like a car accident it is of course hard to look away. Just hope it never happens to you, unless you want it too.

  10. Tracey says

    Oh my. Indeed, this sort of thing happens more often than many care to admit… I can’t wait to know more about this…

  11. Nancy says

    So many mixed feelings as I read your first post. I will not jump to comment now as I will wait to see how this unfolds. Brave to share, to say the least.

  13. Jen says

    Hey Christine. We are going to protect the writers identity on this for obvious reasons. I am not sure if it is her real story. As far as Nancy’s post, it was merely a coincidence. I think we all agree, though, it definitely does spice up the site!