Kids and Marriage

Does your relationship with your kids affect your marriage?

I know that in the early years there is the whole sleep deprivation and division of chores thing, but what about when they get older.

We have a 17 year old, 14 year old, 12 year old and 3 year old in our house and things can get quite hairy. Overall we have awesome kids. The problems don’t even rate on the troubled teen scale, but disruption and unrest with the teens seems to be causing strain on our adult relationship.

Granted, I am the step-mom, and there is a very involved and active mom in their lives so this concern may not apply to all families, but I do wonder.

Parents of teens? Are you on the same page? Do you have the same behavioural expectations? Do you discipline the same way? Do you believe in the same consequences for unacceptable behaviour?

What happens when you don’t?

I’m sure that as long as there have been kids, they have been playing their parents off against each other. This gets even more elaborate when there are three adults in their lives who don’t live in the same house.  As separated families go, we are very lucky. Both Mr. Husband and the kids’ mom get along fairly well. They are in regular communication and we live close to each other. a popular pitfall with teens in separated homes is that they don’t want to miss something on a weekend in one neighbourhood because they have to go to another. This is one arguement we can avoid.

But they still toss around half truths and offer vague and incomplete information in order to make the story sound better to whomever is on the receiving end when things don’t seem to be going their way in one house. This drives me insane. Mr. Husband is more sanguine. Then his composure drives me even crazier.

Tonight Sirtalksalot was trying out some of his pre-pubescent attitude on me and I considered refusing to drive him to his early morning b-ball practice tomorrow. Before I even got the thought or words out of my mouth he was on the phone to his mother that I refused to drive him and he needed a ride. Before I knew that had happened, Mr. Husband had a call from her asking why the kid needed a ride from her when he was at our house for the night. I then had an upset husband wanting to know why I refused to give the kid a ride, when I actually never even finished my sentence.

Advice? Commiseration? C’mon parents of teens and step-moms…anyone out there with a little support and suggestions?

Help an old lady out before I begin talking to mirrors and look longingly at gleaming red apples.