…they tried to make me go to daycare I say ‘no – no – no’
Daycare – Rehab – what’s the difference really? Some people are in diapers, some aren’t – some are crying one minute and joyous the next – really they should combine the two, because the similarities are endless.
Anyway… my point is that is Will’s new response to daycare. The kid who used to sprint up the hill and wail when I came to pick him up – now says ‘no-no-no’ and looks at me like ‘lady you must be out of your effing mind if you think I’m detaching myself from your leg and staying in this place all day.’
I’ll admit, at first I was paranoid that something was up there. But I’m being reassured by many friends that this intense clingyness is – in fact – just a phase. **sidenote – why doesn’t anyone come up with a toddler shirt that says ‘just ignore me, I’m having a phase’ – would be a great gift!!**
Hey on a positive note, I had a man in my bed last night! Been a very long time. Psych – it was Will! Here’s the deal – I’m a BIG proponent of letting the kid cry it out and never EVER letting them sleep with you. I have been for a long time. Some of you may think it’s cruel – but I have to tell you as a single mom, it’s survival. Exhaustion is the enemy. We had some bad training weeks but Will became a champ at putting himself to sleep and back to sleep if he woke up.
Well, that dream is over. Last night, he wailed for 45 minutes before I had to go in. It was really easy to crank up the TV and ignore him when the wail wasn’t personalized. This new Mamamamamamma is FAR more difficult to wait it out through. For those of you with partners – I suggest never teaching them ‘Mama’ JUST ”Dada’ and then you can roll over and say ‘he wants you – not me’ and go back to enjoying your dream about Clooney and a massage table..umm I digress.
Right – so last night – 2am, he woke up and would absolutely not go back to sleep. I tried to rock him but every time he’d fall into a dead sleep, I’d try to put him in his crib, he’d wake up and spider monkey me and cling to me with all four limbs. So I broke my cardinal rule and brought him into bed with me. And I’ll admit it – I’m doing it again tonight if I must.
The only issue is this. Having been single for the better part of a decade, it SUCKS sleeping in the same bed with someone else. The breathing, the moving – my god how do you guys do it nightly? And the kid snores. Truth be told I did enjoy the face pats and check ins of ‘hi, hi, hi’. But I won’t enjoy them a second night in a row.
Tell me guys – did your once indepedent toddlers suddenly become all clingy or is this the product of being a single mom?
Oh and before you mom’s of older kids tell me I should be enjoying this phase, I know…I know…one day he won’t want anything to do with me so I should enjoy it. Yeah, I’ll get right on that.
**sidenote two – I heard Phil Collins ‘Mama’ on the way into work today and literally looked at the radio and said ‘you have to be f(&%ing kidding me’.
Let’s end on a positive note though because I feel a bit like negative Nancy lately. Will and I had our friends Sherry and William over last night and for the first time, I saw him actually play with another kid. It was incredible! Sherry and I sat having some much needed beers and the boys chased each other and laughed and had fun, with only a few minor bust ups.
This is how they the Will’s used to play, you know when they couldn’t move or yell Mamammamam.
I used to wonder about that comment too…”They grow up quickly…Enjoy it…”Well,
the reality is that sometimes you enjoy it more than anything you’ll ever do in life,
and sometimes you just hate it ’cause you’re tired…they’re all sick and you’re getting sick and it feels yucky…and you just want to hightail it out of there…both feelings are absolutely normal and realistic…so…you won’t be getting that comment
from me Sara…I’m all for saying it like it is!! I’ll even give you compassion when
you need it…and I won’t tell you to buck up!! LOL
thanks everyone – he was in bed with me again last night and instead of losing sleep worrying that I shouldn’t be letting him, I hit the snooze button 3 times and we both slept in….
I also agree. When sleep is vital for life and working letting your kid sleep with you so you can get back to sleep as well is important. Unfortunately every bad dream now brings my 10 year old and my 6 year old right to our bed. My husband tells me I should be happy that my kids love me so much but it is never his sleep that gets disturbed. Regardless of age it will always be mama cause we are the nurturers! Just remember whatever you do, you do because you love your son. And do not take heed to what other parents do or say, he is your son and you have to do what is best for the both of you. I am sure by now you realize that you will always receive unsolicited advice on how you parent. Just know that you are doing a great job with or without anyone else’s help.
Another agreement. My 14 month old has also recently been doing this, not every night but certain nights almost waking up like she has had a nightmare and no matter how asleep I think she is the moment I move her away from me towards her crib she knows it! My husband will also try and sooth her and finds the same thing..she wants to be sleeping beside us. I think it is because she is exploring so many new things during the day away from us now that she just needs a regular check in that we are still there for support. Every now and again during the day she will just crawl up to one of our legs and want and cuddle, then a few minutes later she is off again to explore the world.
Yep, a phase. A phase that will probably rear it’s head again. I fell into the sleep in bed trap… it’s just easier to pull them into your bed than to fight with them and in the end what really matters? yeah, that’s right… sleep. period.
I don’t think, and will never think, that 3AM is a good time to try to plead, debate or reason with anyone… including a toddler.
If it’s any consolation… or sign of a bright fun future, my 2.5 year old just started doing the clingy thing again. I have to peel her off of me to get out the door. Hoping this will be short lived.
Looking forward to reading about Will’s terrible twos. I’ll have a few strategies to throw at you when that time comes.
I am loving your honesty. We’ve all been there, it’s nice to see someone be so candid about it.
I fortunetly have had too many kids in the last 4 1/2 yrs, so the older ones know that they can’t barge into the babies room and call for me – so DADA is what they call in the night AND even on nights that I get to sleep with my husband….I do get to say “ha…they’re calling you babe….besides get the F*** out of my bed, because you snore” sleeping with someone my dear is definitely over rated!
I agree with Jen…it is all about survival…easier to let them sleep with you then take them back up and have them cry all the way there and they wail for Mom…and Dad sleeps through it and wonders why she is there in the morning….and she sleeps on my side and I have no room and its no sweat off his back…and yes it is a phase..and even if you teach them Dada..they still only want Mama!!!
Btw, choosing to bring your kid into your bed is also about survival. That’s the only reason I ever did it. And yes, this is a “phase”. For some reason developmental or otherwise, he needs you right now. You are his “safe place”. My 10 year-old still does this when he is going through something. He is all cool and eye-rolling during the day but when it comes to nighttime during one of these phases he wants his mommy.