If you don’t think dating in your forties is new learning, you have never dated in your forties. You must enter into it with a sense of humour, an openness defying previous lousy endings and a sense of what you like with a possibility of being surprised.
I finally convinced my friend to try online dating and to open her heart up to the possibility of love or lust or something else unnamed and in between.
For the last three months she has had over 400 matches sent into her home office, bedroom laptop and iPhone. It feels like an invasion at first, then a delight, then a disappointment and then if you are patient, you begin the cycle all over again with new hope.
In there is an expectation that good people will come to good people somehow magically and that you will be matched perfectly.
Yesterday my friend turned on her computer to find she had been matched with Veronica, a male cross dresser.
He wants children, loves his dog, his mother, yoga at dawn, thai fusion cuisine, and fine literature. He is a Doctor in his mid 40’s and is tall, dark and handsome.
Your mother will love him but he will steal from her closet.
Good for your friend. I hated dating in my 20s, 30s and now in my 40s it ain’t getting much better….look at my blog – the dating category with 1 entry flashes at me like a loser beacon everyday!!!!
Cross dresser…hmmm..I’m so broke that if he agreed to let me pick the clothes, I just might be in!
all good points, Idas. And honest candour are worth their weight for sure.
Sorry!
I didn’t mean to convey in real live we are insisting near perfection, though I must confess I daydream regularly about the possibility.
I was trying to emphasize that the more eligible a man is going to be, the more women will be attracted to him. I saw it when I attended drinks after work with my husband’s “buddies”. It was very plain to see “a buddy” liked him and I nearly had a stroke. He was clueless of course. Genuinely and lucky for him.
My husband has built-in mechanisms to put-off women (primarily he never perceived himself as more than averagely not-unattractive and had zero radar for when women were into him).
I have bigger no-no’s than a man who can openly admit things candidly and up front. Like a closet racist or a hater of any kind. Now if the man is effiminate and cross-dressing, than that would be a rather short conversation.
Like Tracy commented, if the man is ticking most of the other boxes so to speak, some things I’d might keep an open mind to and feeling out the 80/20 ratio.
I had a neighbour who once heard me loudly complaining about my husband and she stopped me cold with “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.”
I never enjoyed the dating scene. It wasn’t much fun even in my 20s. Kudos to your friend for trying the online dating scene. If nothing else it seems to be providing you and your friend with some comic relief.
Hey, I’m not saying that I would actively seek out a cross-dresser… I know it’s still a bit of a weird idea – not very conventional – but I believe I would take a guy who thinks it’s fun to wear some panties and things (maybe not out of the house) over some womanising ho’. And as long as he’s paying you all the attention you want and deserve, it is much different that some dude sitting in his rec room playing video games during al his downtime? I dunno… I’m asking.
ummm….well….he’s honest! i can give him big kudos for that. it doesn’t hurt anyone like a secret gambling problem or addiction. that being said, i would personally probably still have 2nd thoughts. maybe i’d try and see. (i’m trying to be the diplomat here…not sure if it’s working) when it comes down to it, women could be cross dressers as it was really weird to see women in pants 100 years ago.
i can’t imagine dating at this age. i barely dated anyone ever. my first boyfriend….my husband. the bravery that you must have to date is greater than anything i could ever comprehend.
and, i do agree, shoes are off limits!
hey-no one should seek perfection- but a cross dresser? Is there no one out there who draws the line here?
Funny, somethings your think are a deal breaker, once you apply the 80/20 rule, you might reconsider…
I went to an evening event with the controversial Justin Sterling as a guest of a new friend of mine who asked me to trust her and go. Long story short, I got one really good piece of info out of it: the 80/20 rule. Is 80 percent that’s compatible worth the 20 that is incompatible?
I married as skaterboy (dating at 18, married at 22), he grew into a workaholic man. I grew into and out of workaholism. He was a total carnivor, I was a vegan.
We both grew a lot in different ways from 22 to when we decided to have children at 30. If you had asked me early on if workaholism and meat devotion was major, I would have said yes.
But in the perspective of the 80, I was surprised I found ways of compromise to keep balance (not without of course periods of challenge and imbalance).
So though a cutie in pumps is not everyone’s cup of tea, be careful what one wishes for.
Imagine the perfect man, looks, habits, cooking skills, manners, romantic, sexy, thoughful, flexible, reliable, handy, manly, playful, funny, deep, spontaneous, established and adventerous. Then imagine nearly any woman would be pouncing on him countless times a day. Now that makes me cringe.
I’m thinking this guy might not be the worst choice ever… but one mustn’t share one’s shoes. That all I’m sayin’.