I’ve written about the difficult balance between giving Cam freedom to do what he wants and making sure he stays safe and makes good choices. Letting the leash out.
It’s actually been easy in some respects. Our street is loaded with kids around his age and there are always groups of them around. And on top of there being so many kids – they are good kids.
The game of choice these days is “manhunt”. I’m told it’s a combination of hide&seek and tag.
With the large amount of kids on the street it’s great fun and this game will often last from after school until bedtime. They play throughout our entire street, which is a very small crescent/circle.
The problem we are having is that Cuyler is adamant that he play with them.
Sounds ridiculous, right? The child with autism wanting to play with other kids is a problem…I know. Ridiculous.
This is generally what can be found outside our house
Notice the 14 kids in the photo. And then you’ll notice Cuyler over to the right.
This is generally what happens. Cuyler needs to be with them but cannot play with them. He doesn’t know how. Nor does he really want to. He does want to just be around them.
The problem I am faced with is that when they take off in different directions to start manhunt he takes off with them. Not to play the game – just to go where they go. When I call for him to come back or stop or slow down or wait up he doesn’t listen. He just keeps running, shouting behind him “I’m playing Manhunt mom!”
Sean gets on his bike or I chase after him. Last night I made the rounds of our street 4 times following behind him.
The problem I am faced with is that when they take off in different directions to start manhunt he takes off with them. Not to play the game – just to go where they go. When I call for him to come back or stop or slow down or wait up he doesn’t listen. He just keeps running, shouting behind him “I’m playing Manhunt mom!”
Sean gets on his bike or I chase after him. Last night I made the rounds of our street 4 times following behind him.
There is NO WAY I can let him go off and play around the neighbourhood where I can’t directly supervise him. is there?
He doesn’t have the same street sense as the others. does he?
He doesn’t have the same street sense as the others. does he?
What if someone is mean to him or the others don’t have his back?
Admittedly my biggest fear is that he’ll get hit by a car.
That and the pond in the ravine (in which coyotes have bee seen) behind our street.
Am I just feeling this way because he has “autism” and I think that he should always be directly supervised? Is he really incapable of navigating our street? Is it really unsafe for him?
That and the pond in the ravine (in which coyotes have bee seen) behind our street.
Am I just feeling this way because he has “autism” and I think that he should always be directly supervised? Is he really incapable of navigating our street? Is it really unsafe for him?
I don’t know the answers to any of these questions.
I am aware that I do have very high anxiety when it comes to my kids. I would even admit that I might be a smallish bit paranoid. So far I’ve been able to keep my thumb on it and my issues haven’t prevented them from being kids and having fun.
I never want to make Cam responsible for Cuyler. With his issues, he can be unpredictable and I don’t ever want to Cam to be faced with a situation with Cuyler where he can’t handle something. So while part me just wants to let them go and tell Cam to stay with his brother, I want Cam to be able to go and do what HE wants.
Living in our house is not always easy, so any opportunity for Cam’s life to be normal and fun I want to give him.
If I never give Cuyler the opportunity to do these things independently, he’ll never be independent…but the voice in my head says “He’s only 9. Better safe than sorry“
Living in our house is not always easy, so any opportunity for Cam’s life to be normal and fun I want to give him.
If I never give Cuyler the opportunity to do these things independently, he’ll never be independent…but the voice in my head says “He’s only 9. Better safe than sorry“
Then I see this
and remember back to a time long ago when I thought nothing about his life would be normal.
I think that I just need to put my runners on and join in.
Teach him.
Show him.
Play with him.
I think that I just need to put my runners on and join in.
Teach him.
Show him.
Play with him.
Sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee, watching my children play can wait.
One day I’ll be able to relax. won’t I?
One day I’ll be able to relax. won’t I?
Christine I know exactly where you are coming from! I have been through this with Joshua and he is almost 13! Up until only recently has been able to go off on his own – prior to that I had to be a short distance behind. All kids with autism as you know are different and they can change directions each day. There is no easy answer and I totally feel your struggle. Soon Zachary will be in this exact same position. I think you have to follow your gut. Letting the leash loose is easiest done in small amounts. I think Traceys idea of having Cam kinda watch him for short periods of time is a good one and doesn’t throw all the responsibility on him. Do the other kids playing know about Cuy? If they are aware then I am sure they will watch out for him as well – maybe he can have a “partner” that he stays with as another option?
Uch… I empathize, Christine. Especially with all the T. Stafford case details in your face every day. I become a bit traumatized at the onset of the new season of outdoor play.
It’s awesome that Cuy wants to “play” with the other kids in the ‘hood – and it’s wonderful that the kids are good kids, you know? They probably aren’t apt to abuse him in any way, especially if they know he has a brother out there with his who’s got his back… maybe there’s a compromise of Cam keeping a closer eye on Cuy for a period of playtime, like 15 minutes at a time, so you can all see how things go? Maybe not at the high-traffic 5:30 PM time, but when most of the cars are home and parked for the day. I dunno.
And, yeah, you could go and join them for some time – of course, no-one wants to play Manhunt with their mom. I’m just sayin’. 😉