I have sat here staring at a blank screen for the last 30 minutes. I decided I wanted to write about something else today. Something other than my mom’s cancer. But nothing came to me. Nada. It’s not like nothing else has been going on in my life. I mean, come on. I have two busy kids and I run my own business. You’d think there would be tons of fodder for a good post. But I got nothin’.
So then I started thinking about why I have absolutely nothing to say. It boils down to this – right now nothing else matters. My life is consumed by my mom. Everything else seems small and unimportant.
I want to clarify something though, my life is consumed by my mom not by her cancer. For a while there it was the logistics, the treatment, the side effects but now, now that the cancer is back, it is about her. I want to leech on to every moment and hold on tight. I want to soak it all in and make every single second count.
The other night we all went out for dinner, my family of four and my parents. We had received some pretty somber news that day but once we were together it was all OK. We laughed and talked and ate and drank wine. We were living in that moment.
My sisters will be flying in soon for the holidays and the whole family will be together. This is what matters. Regardless of the future we will be together now and I will consciously live every minute. We are so fortunate to have each other – a built in support system. It is during these trying times that you realize the value of family. I am the luckiest person on earth.
my comments always come out the same but i really, truly am always thinking about you and your family, Jen. i’m so glad your sisters will be coming in soon. it will help to be surrounded by them!
It’s so hard to know what to say. I’m glad that you’re surrounded by love right now, and I will pray for your mom.
As someone who has recently gone though this (I lost my Dad 8 weeks ago to that f#%&ing cancer) I can tell you that you’re doing the right thing. Focus on your mom and not the cancer. My aunt told me after my dad passed away that the ‘normal’ conversations he had with me always brightened up his days. Some of my siblings couldn’t get past the fact that he was dying and could no longer interact with him as they used to, and I am so glad I was able to give him that relief when he most needed it.
((HUGS)) to you Jen, and to your amazing sisters, and to your incredible mother.
Lots of love to you. I wish I was there to give you a hug. You’ll all soon be together to enjoy that wonderful family of yours.
Jen,
I wish I had something wise to say but I don’t. You just keep on going, stay hopeful and try to enjoy your time together. I am thinking of all of you.
Erin