I assumed that I’d start my blog on UrbanMoms by giving you the lowdown on me, my son Will and our somewhat crazy existence together up to now. But you should know – when something gets to me, I like to take to my blog and vent about it. So you may as well get to know me like that right off the hop.
I took a coffee break today at my local shop and the first article I read was about a new book being released, just in time for Valentine’s Day, for all us single chicks out there. The topic? Well, it’s incredibly liberating. It’s all about how we should be willing to settle. How we should stop looking for Mr. Right and be happy with Mr. Meh He’s Okay. Really? Because the divorce rate isn’t high enough right now, we should be telling women that it’s better to be with someone who sort of makes us happy than to be by ourselves? It really pissed me off – can you tell?
Here’s the deal – I get that women can be picky. My friends constantly laugh at me adding, ‘gee, I wonder why you’re single.’ Deal breakers for me – turtleneck sweaters anywhere other than a ski hill; comic book collections; gum chewers. I once met a guy who I thought was amazing. I went to his place and he had multiple Toni Braxton cd’s in his collection. OUT. I’m out. Cheque please.
Are all these things ridiculous? Absolutely and now that I’m a bit older and wiser I recognize this. But given a choice between being picky and settling, I’d take picky any day. This book (full disclosure I haven’t read it) is apparently telling women that as they get older, they should realize that they can’t have everything they want and be happy with what they can get. I’m here to say bull!!! I don’t believe in soulmates but I do believe there are people out there who can be everything you’ve dreamt of and hopefully give good foot massages. But, more importantly, I believe that we’re responsible for our own happiness and we don’t necessarily need a partner to experience all that is awesome.
Here’s my proof:
** I say why look for the perfect man when you can create him??**
I had hoped to send you a private message about this rather than taking up your comment space, but couldn’t see a link to an email for you. After I commented on your post, you asked me if I had seen Up In The Air. I just saw it last week and thought of you in that scene when they talk about their “list” or “deal breakers”. I did blog about it (and mentioned you) in case you’re interested.
Hi Sara,
This is the first blog I’ve read on here, and mainly because this speaks to me as a single Mom of a beautiful little girl.
Forge ahead into battle my friend, and lets raise beautiful healthy wonderful children 🙂
Cheryl
Hey Candace!
How crazy…yup it’s me! I’ll get in touch.
Hey Sarah!
good for you! love all your points…and tell your friends to give their heads a shake. When I think of it, having a kid has opened up a whole new dating realm…the divorced dad. You know the one, has kids, doesn’t want more kids….perfect. (now I just need to meet one!!)
Hello Sara! I’m a single mom as well and I’m so glad that you’re blogging here!
I’m only 23 but I’ve heard from a few people that I am doomed to never find Mr. Right because I have two kids and that if someone were to come along I should settle. I can’t believe there is a book out there that endorses settling!!! IT’S RIDICULOUS!!!
I completely agree with Jen when she said that marriages (in fact ANY relationships) are hard enough when they’re good.
Parents need to lead by example, right? Monkey see…monkey do! I want to teach my kids that it’s okay to be single even though it can be very challenging at times. I want my children to know that the sky is the limit and to never give up. Perseverance, dedication, and hard work pay off! Not settling or giving up.
I agree with you. There is nothing lonelier than being with the wrong person. I was told I was too picky, as well, but I decided I would have a good life whether single or married. I also decided I would not torture myself with anymore polite, awkward date fix-ups, and would wait until I met a man I was truly interested in to date again. It took 4 long years for me to be interested (how is that for picky?), but they were fun years–and the next man I dated was the man I married. And yes…things that I may have judged in others, I did not care about with him. I think your deal-breakers may possibly be a rationalization of someone your instincts say are not right for you.
BTW, I think we may know each other…you look like a woman I used to work with who had a baby named Will. Did you work at a company formerly called Splice? Would love to hear from you personally if you did…If you cannot get my info here, Corina or Nomi have my email…
Candace.
Sara, great to see you here. I really appreciate your post and I think it’s so important that we women learn that we don’t have to settle! The consequences of settling are far, far worse than being alone. I applaud you on finding your own happiness and congratulate you on your perfect little man!
A review of that book also compelled me to write yesterday. You addressed the issue of settling much better and I agree with you. As I raise my children, this will not be the message I will want them to learn. I got more upset at the thought that something could have felt “right” and a woman would dismiss it because of a so-called deal-breaker. I don’t think that being “picky” is the only alternative to settling. When I met my husband, he could have had all the deal breakers (if I had had such a list) and I wouldn’t have cared. I hope to teach my kids to forget the lists or deal-breakers and follow your heart wherever it takes you.
Welcome Sara! I am really looking forward to hearing more about your adventures as a single mom. I agree with you, settling is not worth it. Marriage is hard enough even when it is good! Also, I don’t think you are “picky”. I have seen with a few friends that little things seem to get to them when they are dating and I wonder “wtf”?! But then when they finally meet the person they end up with they are able to overlook small things because, well, they love this person and that is what happens. If it is right the turtleneck and Toni Braxton CDs won’t even register…OK, that might be going too far 😉