How to clean your home in 10 minutes

I recently read an article on how
to clean your home in 10 minutes when you find out guests are going to be
dropping by in about that time. Obviously these so called experts (really it’s those experts again!) have never been to my house!  They might have a quick change of heart if
they did a quick tour of my home. 

One of the experts
(are you feeling the love I have for these so called experts yet?) suggest
that the goal should be not to have a perfectly clean home but just a warm
welcome for your friends. Uh yeah – like I said they haven’t been to my
home.  About the only “warm” welcome they
may get is the warmth from a peeing baby. Why does the baby not have a diaper
on? Well that is because while mommy was changing him he flipped over and
crawled away – QUICKLY! As mommy got up off the floor to chase him, his twin
brother was about to have a mega block play table fall on his head! BUT – back
to the article….

One of the first tips given was not to worry about
the upstairs because guests were not coming over for a sleepover.  This tip works great if you have no
children.  In this home as soon as said
guests arrive, their children (and if your guests haven’t any children how did
you arrange that?) run off with my children and can you guess where they take
off to? You guessed it – the children’s bedrooms! Why? Well I haven’t an answer
for that, but they just do, despite my warnings of immediate torture
punishment.  They most likely feel they
have the upper hand on this one because I probably won’t freak out while the
guests are there. Score one for them.

Here is my suggestion: Take a garbage bag and do a
quick sweep of any garbage that may be hanging around their rooms (don’t be
fooled – you will find some) For clothes that are on the floor you have a few
options – have your kiddies throw them into a closet, shove them into their
drawers (after all, let’s be honest they probably do that anyway), put them in a
laundry basket, (warning this may be new to them so it may take longer than
wanted), or let them leave the clothes on the floor.  Chances are, the other child(ren) won’t
notice or care, after all they are really there to tear apart your
house play.

So, the living room, kitchen and bathroom should be
the main focus of the quick clean, because you are not supposed to let anyone
upstairs remember? So the article recommends the following:

Let the kiddies watch a favourite DVD, and give
them a small no-mess snack so they’re occupied — then, you, your partner/hubby
and older children can zip around the house.

This is a great suggestion – unless you have 8
monkeys! There is no way in hell I can just put in a DVD because I have yet been
able to actually find a movie that all the children will watch together without
fighting.  One doesn’t like it, so and so
is picking their nose, so and so is looking at them, so and so is annoying and
won’t stop talking blah, blah, blah…. deciding on a movie would take way to
long, and a no-mess snack? Do these experts
have children? There is no such thing. 
Somehow, some way, a mess will take place, and as for the partner/hubby
and big kids zipping around the house (insert BIG snicker) well my hubby’s
idea of exercise is walking out of the house to the car in the driveway, about
the only thing on him that will be zipping is his pants zipper. Up. No nooky
tonight dear, guests are coming!

Of course the older children will zip around the house, but this is usually reserved for chasing each other or running away to their
messy room to avoid cleaning up – seriously how dare I interrupt their texting
or facebook time!

Since you really want to know, I would have a
contest.  Give the younger child(ren) a
bin or laundry basket and whoever picks up the most shit toys, clothes,
papers, garbage and whatever else doesn’t belong from every room on the first
floor gets a prize.  In my house we have
a treasure chest full of little toys and other dollar store junk that seems to
excite the brats children so much. 
However a situation like this may require money.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Next up – three minutes for a sweep through the
rooms.  For me, three minutes of sweeping would involve
children running through the rooms and thus right through the dirt, dust and
any other objects that have been swept up. 
A better option is to just let a child pretend to be a witch flying on
her broomstick and hope as he or she does this insane form of play that some
sweeping is actually accomplished – seriously there are other things I need to
attend to such as the bathroom…..

Which brings us to the topic of Wipes! I love them and use them all the
time for really quick emergency clean ups in the bathrooms – the biggest
benefit is that for some reason younger children love to use them to clean
up.  Do a quick check around the toilet
and the walls surrounding the said toilet especially if you have any children
under the age of 5.  Trust me the brown
marks on the walls may not just be from markers!  If your bathroom has a shower, throw the bath
toys that are on the floor into the tub and close the curtains. If your guests
decide that they want to look behind the curtain well maybe it will serve them
right to find a pile of toys.  Better yet,
put a sign up on the shower wall that reads: “What did you expect in a house full of 8
kids!” That will teach them to be so nosey. 

Finally open up a bottle of wine (or in my case
Wildberry) and drink it – all.  If you
actually have friends that enjoy doing this to you, then you are going to need
it. 

How do you accomplish the 10 minute clean up? Do
you have friends that do this? Better question is – are you one of these
friends?

Until
next time,

Chantel,
momof8crazymonkeys