to cut or not to cut?
i’ll be honest. i’m Jewish. I was raised Jewish and went to a Jewish High School. I dated Jewish boys and Jewish men. and I married a Jew. I have ever only seen a circumcised penis. I have never seen an uncircumcised one. NEVER. (and that photo of Jude Law doesn’t count…) It’s what i know. When my son was born, it wasn’t even a question. My mother began planning the bris from the moment we called to tell her that he was a boy.
I spent the 8th day of my son’s life on autopilot. he got snipped by the mohel and the next few days involved a lot of gauze and nasty-ass diapers. and then it was over. it was nothing. but i didn’t stop to think about it for a single second. i didn’t weigh the pros and cons. we didn’t make a choice. we did it. because our fathers did it. and their fathers did it. and their fathers did it. i come from a long line of penis cutters.
people’s thoughts on circumcisions have changed over the past couple of decades. it used to be thought that uncut penises were less healthy. less desirable. but recently, more and more parents are making the choice to NOT cut. They argue that If you teach your son to pull his foreskin back and to clean properly, there’s no reason to think that a foreskin is unhealthy. they believe it’s a cosmetic decision that you should not be allowed to make for your infant. That if their sons want to, they can have the surgery done once they can make that decision for themselves. They say that it is clear that female genital mutilation is barbarbic…but how come it’s different for male genital mutilation?
then there is the "looking like your father" folks. many moms and dads choose to cut if the dad is cut, and not cut if the dad isn’t. it avoids confusion all around. avoids the questions of "how come i don’t look like Daddy?"
I want to hear your opinions. Have you circumsised your boys? have you NOT? why did you decide to? why did you decide not to? Let’s please respect other people and keep this a friendly debate. please. I respect all of yours. I think at the end of the day, circumcision is an incredibly PERSONAL decision. and a decision that some people feel very strongly or passionately about. and that some people don’t really even think about. so, let’s hear it!!
***ETA: for the record, yes, the husband did the actual ‘snipping’ but the mohel (who is also a doctor….in case any of you are concerned for my son) set the entire thing up and showed the husband where to cut. it’s some sort of huge deal in judaism for a father to circumcise his son, and the husband, who has bigger balls than most, took on this challenge – and managed not to lose his cool or his lunch in the process.
where are all the comments?
Wow that is talent! Sewing and knitting are popular answers! I think knitting is something I should take up! Thanks!
There are no medical benefits to circumcision, no medical association in the world recommends the practice. The usa has the highest rate of stds and aids out of all industrialized countries, and has the highest rate of circumcision! In japa almost all men are uncut and penile cancer is rarer there than in the USA!! You can’t just consent to a cosmetic genital surgery on your son cause you think it looks better? Go watch one they are viscious, just like female circumcision, they say it looks better without the extra skin.
I know in pennsylvania circ was routine and done basically on every male back in the 60’s, 70’s, now the circ rate is about 55% and falling steadily according to a local doctor. A lot of the upper middle class and higher income people are opting not to do the procedure as it makes sex less pleasurable for the guy, and his partner. Viagra probably loves american circumcision though, they sell the most here and we have the highest rate of ED, everyoens dick is numb by the time they turn 50!
PSU Alumni
I’m a 30 year old American male. My parents had my foreskin removed when I was an infant. We are not a religious family. The only reason that they did it was because it was what everybody was doing at the time. We’ve discussed it several times and I still keep a good deal of resentment towards them. They made the decision to cut off a piece of my body without cause before I was ever old enough to weigh in on the decision. It was a violation. And it’s a decision that I have no choice but to live with for the rest of my life.
I am an uncircumcised man, as most european men are, and would never consider circumcising a son for non-medical reasons (eg. if his foreskin was too tight to retract).
I consider circumcision (male or female) a form of mutilation and as such should never depend on a decision taken by anyone but the person being circumcised.
People justify this practise using many different reasons, like hygiene, religion, tradition…
It’s such an absurdity to say circumcised penises are cleaner than uncircumcised ones that I’m not even going to elaborate much on this. If you shower and clean under the foreskin, one is as clean as the other.
As for religion, I also consider this a poor excuse, since you never know if your son will have the same religious beliefs and should therefore not be mutilated on acount of these. To me it’s just like a parent denying a child a life saving blood transfusion because they are of the Jehova’s Witness’ faith.
And as for tradition, I think tradition for the sake of tradition is an empty excuse also. It was tradition in India for a recently widowed woman to be cremated alive along with her husband’s body.
I think the decision for a procedure of this sort should only be made by the person undergoing it.
I have a boy, and he is not circumcised.
I had never thought about the issue before I was pregnant. And when I learned I was having a boy everyone was all over me with the question about circumcision. I really didn’t care one way or the other.
So, I asked my midwife. My Jewish midwife whose son is circumcised.
She told me that in her opinion, unless you have a religious reason to circumcise it isn’t worth it. I the ob who delivered my son (long story – I had both midwife and ob in the end). She said the same thing.
So we decided not to.
People are shocked by this decision sometimes. I think it’s a bit of a trend now to not circumcise. I know at Matt’s daycare it’s about 50/50, and it’s partly religion, partly tradition.
If he ever wants to be circumcised I will, of course, allow it. But, I think you take the medical advice at the time.
A few months ago he had a penis issue, and I asked the doctor if it was because we chose not to circumcise him. He said absolutely not.
So, so far so good.
Honestly, I think you make a decision and live with it. I’m pretty okay with the choice. It seemed very unkind and brutal, and since I didn’t have a reason to do it, I wasn’t about to. (If we were Jewish or Muslim we would have)
Eclecta;
I appreciate your input on this subject. I don’t disagree with what you’ve stated, however since we aren’t in Africa, I do not see HIV as enough of a threat in Canada to circumcise my son.
Well, I have 2 girls but DH and I decided while pregnant with our first (we didn’t find out the sex in advance) NOT to circumcise, although he was in favour at first. In our prenatal class, the instructor asked all 5 dads-to-be who was circ’ed…all five put up their hands. She asked, who would want their son to be? All 5 put up their hands again. Why, she asked? To look like me, they said. Then we watched a video – how to change baby’s diaper. One of the parts covered how to care for a baby boy post-circ. After the movie the instructor asked again, how many dads-to-be still want their sons circ’ed? The answer? None.
That was the clincher for my DH, although for me it took actually watching a video of the procedure itself – even just putting the baby on the “circumstraint” was heartbreaking footage.
But, no religious or cultural pressures to contend with for me. Just the simple question: is there a reason why I would do that to my baby? No.
I’m not a mom, nor will I be anytime soon, but I thought it would be interesting to mention that studies are showing that uncircumcised men are SIX TIMES more likely to contract HIV/AIDS through sexual intercourse. (see: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3570223.stm) One of the first studies of this kind took place in South Africa and was terminated early because the epidemiologists felt that ethically they had to advise their control group of uncircumcised men of the benefits of circumcision.
Scientists believe that the cells in the foreskin are more susceptible to infection by HIV.
Based on this evidence, I don’t consider circumcision to be a mere cosmetic/religious choice but an effective health measure.
Kudos to you Ali for talking about a touchy subject!
We have 2 boys and they are both circumsized. Their dad is and he was adamant that he wanted them to be as well. (We’re not Jewish)I wasn’t comfortable with the idea at first and did lots of reading about it and weighed the pros and cons all the time and it wasn’t until my cousins’ 5 year old son had to circumsized for medical reasons and was completely traumatized that I decided that I was okay to go ahead with it. If it was going to be done I wanted it done when they wouldn’t remember (although some people argue that they do remember this)The doctors used a numbing agent and neither boy cried or had any medical issues resulting from it, it was cosmetic surgery that we had to pay for but no matter the cost it was going to be done.
I’m totally impressed by the number of responses. Honest and non-judgemental views are the key to topics like this I think.
I think this is really interesting. I have three girls, so this wasn’t an issue for us, but after reading more than a few discussions about this, I wanted to become educated. I learned A LOT – not from discussions (which are often heated) but from medical websites from colleges, etc… where studies and medical procedures are catalogued.
There are more than a few diseases, infections, etc that are almost completely related to having an uncircumsized penis. In the treatment section of a lot of these conditions, most said, “The symptoms were lessoned/eradicated by circumsizing the penis.” I read a lot of statements like “Almost ALWAYS occurs in uncircumsized males.” That says to me that there are some medical reasons to circumsize. As far as comparing it to female circumcision, the barbaric forms of this practice would (to me) be the times that the genitalia is so brutalized that the women have persistent pain or cannot orgasm because of it. I’ve never heard of a male that can’t climax because of circumcision. There really is nothing you can compare this procedure to, so we must treat it like a unique circumstance.
I love reading the comments because discussion is very important to have when dealing with ANY medical practice. Always question the norm, right? I think the attitude of most doctors just depends on the part of the world you live in.
You MUST talk to A. about this……. I had a FASCINATING convo about it with him. He’s all about not getting circumcised cuz the sex is better, etc. Now, tell me about the Jude Law pic! 😉
I’m pregnant with a boy and currently grappling with this question myself. I would love to hear more male input from men who are and who are not snipped. I think it would be helpful to hear their experiences and how they feel personally about having been or not having been snipped as babies.
Great topic of discussion, Ali. It’s interesting to hear other people’s opinions.
My son is not circumsised and honestly we didn’t give it much discussion, despite my husband being circumsised (for medical reasons). We live in a small town so the option wasn’t even presented – although I’m sure if we had asked they would have told us how we could have the procedure done. I’ve had the conversation with several friends who are far more opinionated than me about why they had it done to their sons. Most of my friends here don’t have it done – it’s my friends in big cities that choose to do it. I just didn’t want to think about the pain issue and figured it is how little boys are made.
Hi Ali,
I am totally against circumcision for any reason other than religious or medical. When my husband and I made the decision not to circumcise it was not a difficult decision for us. My husband is not cut and neither are my brothers. I can totally understand it for religious reasons, but I do have a problem with no pain control for the procedure. It is bad enough to have you child screaming because of blood tests. I can’t imagine the poor little guys agony for being snipped. If I were to get it done to any of my sons for medical reasons (assuming I have another, and me converting to Judaism is really unlikely) I would really want to be sure that there was no pain.
I guess it is a good thing that in Canada most males are uncircumcised. The looking like your father isn’t as much of an argument here. Besides after how every many thousand diaper changes, it really isn’t that hard to keep clean. 🙂
Wow, Ali. Great topic. We chose not to circumcise our son for a variety of reasons. The main one being that there really seemed to be no reason. I know in the 60’s and 70’s in North America it was very “trendy” and there was a lot of press about “cleanliness” but there is nothing to support this. We have good friends from the UK who were shocked when they had their first son that this was even offered as a mainstream option. In the UK it is not and never was common practice.
As for sexual pleasure I am surprised at what Sarah said. The foreskin actually protects the tip of the penis so that it is more sensitive. Without the foreskin it loses sensitivity and feels less because it is always exposed.
Also, there are many forms of female circumcision and not only brutal mutilation. Some cultures simply remove the “hood” of the clitoris which would be very similar to male circumcision but, again, would limit sexual pleasure because it is always exposed.
I struggle with the argument that because something is tradition (or religion) it is OK and does not need to be questioned. I am sure those who practice genital mutilation, foot binding, etc. would have the same argument. Where do we draw the line? Just because it is OUR tradition it is OK but if it isn’t then it is mutilation? I guess I am just not sure it is enough of a reason to cause a child pain. A physician friend of mine who is a practicing Jew did not circumsize her boys because she felt it was an outdated and unnecessary medical intervention. Her family practically disowned her.
As for the “looking like dad thing” that is so odd. Will I give my daughter implants if her breasts aren’t as big as mine? By the time my son’s looks anything like his dad’s I don’t think they’ll be comparing notes 😉
I think that if there ever was a medical or hygenic reason to circumcise those days are long gone.
Both my sons are circumsized, I’m not Jewish, but hubby is circumsized so it was no debate for us either. I was a wreck that day BUT I don’t regret doing it. I’ve never met a guy who regrets being circumsized. I know it must obviously hurt them but they seem to recover pretty quickly. Either way, it’s definitely a very personal decision. Also, I don’t think it’s at all similar to female mutation, which is done for horrid and unspeakable reasons.
Well .. I am not jewish, but we did circumsise our son for a few reasons. One, my husband is. To this day I have no idea if my dad it though. Also my husband said it would be healthier for him, easier to keep clean. He had is done at the hospital, the day after he was born. My husband went with him (he didn’t do it though :P) and he said while is was very difficult to watch, it was quick. Incidently, I dated a guy who was not circumsised. He was concerned because sexually he could not feel as much as he thought he should. He ended up getting circumsised at age 28 (I know!…oh the pain…) .. but we split up by then so I don’t know what difference it made to him.
I was curious to about female cicumcision being claimed as barbaric and something that caused lasting issues, but .. not so for men. Guess it is different though I don’t know why.
hi Ali,i really like how you do this on fridays and bring up topics like todays.any how i have 1 son and hes uncircumsized for 2 reasons.first my husband isn’t.and 2 when i was taking preparation for birth classes the nurse showed us a horrid video of baby being circumsized and i just couldn’t after viewing that.but personally i don’t have a problem with other people doing that to their sons because its not my business to tell others what to do
I had my son circumsised. I watched in horror as an obstetrician (a Jewish one, so at least he knew what he was doing) first cut my son’s penis with scissors, then placed a clamp on it, and then cut around it with a straight blade.
When pregnant with my third child, I was really hoping it was a boy, so I could NOT do that to him, and somehow forgive myself for doing it to my son. Alas, we were blessed with a baby girl, but I still wish I had the chance to NOT circumcise a son.
As far as the “look like daddy” defense – look at your husband’s penis and then look at your son’s. Tell me if they look REMOTELY alike, regardless of forskin.
Both my boys are circumsized.
I’m not jewish, but like you, it wasn’t a question. We didn’t weigh pro’s and con’s. It wasn’t a gruelling decision. We didn’t sit down and have discussions on the matter.
The dr who did it was a trusted family friend and we have never once had any regret about it.
(And for the record – a long time ago you did tell me that your hubby did your sons)
omg – i can’t believe you posted about this – it’s such a touchy subject. my thoughts: i couldn’t bare to get my boys’ done. but i left that decision up to dh — and he couldn’t bare it either.
however, i do believe in having it done for religious reasons.
I am a rare mid-70s born male who is uncircumcised. That being said, MTM and I still haven’t decided 100% (at least I don’t think) what we will do if we ever have a boy. I know that legally here (Canada) it is cosmetic surgery, not covered by OHIP, and totally unnecessary from a hygiene perspective, but we’re still debating the point.
We choose not to circumcise our son because for us it was an out of date practice and we don’t have any religious affiliations that would cause us to choose otherwise. It wasn’t an easy decision, as neither my husband or myself had any experience in the world of non-circumcised penis’. But, for me, I can’t stand behind doing something because that is the way it was always done. However, no judgment to those who decide to, especially because of their religion or other real beliefs.
We chose not to for our son. It’s one of those topics on which people have very strong opinions on one side or the other, so I was careful about who I approached for advice.
I ended up talking to my own family doctor and reading articles on the internet. I was definitely on the “no circumcision” side of the argument, just because it seemed like an unnecessary procedure. Ultimately, the final decision was my husband’s… he was definitely more knowledgable about male parts than me and he was born Jewish (although he has not practiced his faith in years).
By chance, he sat with a urologist at a function for work, and raised the subject. The doctor said did not have his own sons circumcized and made my husband feel much more comfortable with our decision. To this day, my mother and brother feel we made the wrong decision, but that’s okay.
You must have been on autopilot that day… cuz for the record – your boy got snipped by his dad. Not the mohel (who did a darn fine job in the set up and clean up roles).
Nope, wasn’t even an option at our private hospital (Catholic) – most surgeons operating there refuse to do it.
Re the whole ethical/moral morasse – to each his own. My husband is circumcised, as it was the “thing” done in 1972, when he was born but is out of vogue now and completely unnecessary from a hygiene perspective in most cases.
However, I completely understand that it is a religious issue for Jews and respect decisions other people want to make. I personally do NOT think that it even compares to female genital mutilation, as practiced in Ethiopia, etc.
I am far more opinionated about young girls getting their ears pierced – IMHO, I think it is totally gross on babies and my daughter won’t be getting hers done until she is old enough to pay for it herself.
I actually don’t know why Jews get circumcised – I see to recall something about Moses in the desert, heat and dirt or something? Ok, off to Wikipaedia to check it out.
Interesting discussion.
Oops my link didn’t go through. Here it is: http://www.troll-baby.com/2006/12/05/leave-my-dinky-alone/
Well Ali, you know I love ya, and you know I’m going to weigh in. We did not circumcise our sons, and quite frankly, I see it as brutal, unnecessary and mutilation. I think it should be outlawed. I wrote about it at length here and I stand by that completely.
Karen