With all the talk around my Movember moustache and everyone commenting about how it made me look like a 70’s porn star, I remembered a great story I thought you’d get a kick out of.
My kids go to a school that has a ‘no birthday invitation’ policy. I.e. in order to make sure that no one gets their feelings hurt by being left out of a party, they’ve asked parents not to send kids in to school with their birthday invites. Fair enough.
A couple of years ago my son was having his 6th birthday and I volunteered to drop off the invitations on my way home from work. If it looked like people were home I’d knock on the door and hand deliver them, otherwise they got left in mailboxes. Nothing too exciting here.
I get to one house though of a recently divorced couple, saw a light was on, and knocked on the door. To my delight shock & surprise a fairly attractive woman opened the front door dressed in nothing but some scant lingerie.
Now, my 15year old self would be horrified to know that I didn’t spring forward with a timely porn inspired “here to fix your cable, ma’am”, but rather stammered “umm. I’m just delivering birthday invites and I’m guessing you were expecting someone else” as she jumped behind the door trying to conceal her sheer embarrassment and naked self.
To this day she can’t look me straight in the eye when we cross paths at school functions.
Anyway, since then I’m always eager to volunteer to deliver the birthday invitations but clearly I have to work on my one liners. Some ideas below. Got any zingers?
“I was going to invite you to a party, but looks like you’ve already got one started.”
“I was going to make my son a bowling party, but you’ve got me thinking a costume party is in order.”
“Aw shucks, and I left all my dollar bills in my other jacket.”
“Cable busted?”
Not sure what the sideboob thing is all about, but obviously missed something good. Or innapropriate. Gav; how long are you on the couch?
Ok, as a former teenage boy, this EXACT scenario has played itself out in my head many, MANY times. How about… “I’ve been called in to clean the carpet, as it clearly does not match the drapes.”
Or, “Ma’am, I’m with neighborhood watch. And we’ve been watching you…”
That is all. Please don’t judge me.
Balls, Jen… it got removed. 🙁 T’was a splendid while it lasted!!
Am I missing something? I don’t get the sideboob thing or even see how Ali being hot is relevant (she is hot but where are we talking about it?). What did I miss??
I…I was not properly prepared for this and therefore I cannot construct a proper comment.
Clearly Ali is smokin hot!
Um… RAWR!!!
That is all. As you were then. (Smokin’ hot, Ali! Wowza.)
that’s how baby #4 gets here….
HOOOOOOLYYYYYYYYYYY CRAP. OOH LA LA!
well done Ali! I can’t come up with any better one liners- I think you have them covered, Gav.
Wow…I go from meeting your wife for the first time right into seeing sideboob.
I don’t know what else to say other than – Yep. She’s pretty hot!!