I’d be willing to bet that even back in the Roman Empire parents were throwing up their hands in frustration at their children’s unwillingness to take out their wax tablets and practice writing their numerals; and in the ensuing centuries not much has changed, has it?
I suppose there have been some key changes. For one thing, students in the elementary grades these days typically don’t get the same volume or type of homework you probably remember getting as a kid yourself. You’re not likely to be spending as much time drilling your fourth-grader on her times-tables or helping your first grader memorize a spelling list as your own parents did. No: more likely you’ll find yourself furrowing your own brow in puzzlement over a cleverly-worded math word problem or searching through the blue box for empty yogurt containers so little Sally can make a musical instrument for tomorrow’s science lesson.
But as your kids get older, the homework starts to feel a little bit more familiar. Book reports, research papers, big heavy math textbook and pages of problems to solve. So whether it’s helping them figure out the best way to split 5 cookies amongst four friends or listening to home reading or trying to remember what, exactly, a cosine is, the chances are good you’re going to need to sit down with your kids on a regular basis and assist with — or at least police — their homework.
But here’s the thing: no matter how different it is today than in our own day, one thing remains true: kids hate homework. They will do anything they can to avoid it. And trying to keep them on top of it all (especially as they hit junior high and high school) can be trying for the most patient of parents. The good thing is that the same basic laws that applied to us as students still hold true for the new generation:
- The sooner you start, the sooner it’s over.
- Doing big projects in many small bits is a lot easier than doing them all at once (and especially at the last minute).
- Being organized is the difference between success and panic. Or failure, depending on how lucky you are.
Now, as unappealing as it may be, I have found that the best way to keep my kids on top of their homework is to get involved in it with them. I help my younger daughter by listening to her read every day and challenging her to define her classroom’s “word of the day” for me by using it in a sentence (it’s always recorded in her agenda, so I am able to easily see what it is). For my older daughter, I ask questions about the different units they’re covering in various subjects and ask her to show me her assignments. I also check her teacher’s blog every afternoon just to make sure there’s not an assignment due tomorrow she’s forgotten about (yes, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree).
In both cases, I make sure to praise them a lot and try to show a very keen interest in what they’re doing (no matter how boring). I’ll often bring my own work to the kitchen table and the three of us sit together for at least half an hour, working on our own tasks, stopping frequently to share information or ask questions. Most of the time, it works pretty well. But at the end of the day, it’s still homework, and so there are the bad days. Days of foot-stomping and door-slamming and hiding the remote so I can’t turn off the TV.
On those days, I resort to the old parenting fallback – bribery.
My daughter had a meltdown the other night insisting that the violin she selected to play at school was far too hard and that she wanted to switch instruments. I explained that playing any instrument is difficult and requires a lot of practice (my daughter never practices). Later that night after the meltdown had long since passed we discussed how you get out of life what you put into it . The more effort you put towards a goal the more successful you will be and true for not only academic and extracurricular goals, but also social goals.
We had a homework meltdown the other day with my grade 7 son preparing for an oral presentation. He knew the intro wasn’t right but was flustered standing up there trying to figure it out. So, we switched places. I presented it to him. That way he could pay attention to where the problems were without feeling self-conscious. He would stop me and say “I think I need to add this” or “I need to switch the order of those two points”. Hearing it gave him the ability to stand back and hear the issues and potential solutions more clearly.
But thank goodness it wasn’t French!
We have had tears and drama and meltdowns over homework! Usually this only happens when it is something the child is struggling with but it not only draws out the process but creates some serious tension in the house.
We’re already hearing – in only grade 2, with a single sheet of simple math drills, no less – about how Girl 7 hates homework. It’s going to be a long 10 more grades… I like the idea of all working together, though. If only she wasn’t such a goofball that she’s more likely to get distracted? Totally worth a try!