He Ain’t Heavy….He’s My Brother – (one of the 20 of them)!

I am one of four kids.  I’m the youngest of four kids.  Truth be told – I was a bit of an afterthought.  I believe the term was ‘the best mistake they ever had.’  And while there are many times where I yell out, ‘I wish I was an only child’ – I never truly mean it.  I’ve always felt blessed to have siblings.

When I started thinking about having a baby, one of my concerns was around Will not having any siblings.  I know my limitations, mentally and financially, and it’s not in the cards for me to be the choice mother of TWO kids.  I do hope that someday I’ll meet someone who has kids and Will can have some step-siblings. 

But depending on your definition of sibling – Will will never be an ‘only child’.  Currently, he has about twenty half-brothers and sisters (halfers) all across Canada and the United States.  You can all pick your jaws off the floor now.  This is a side of using a donor that not everyone can deal with.  I’ll be honest – I waffle.  Sometimes I think it’s pretty awesome and other times I lean towards the horrified side.

**This is what a halfers party would have looked like a year ago!  Can you spot my boy?

I started to see Will’s halfers on the Donor Sibling Registry.  This is an awesome site where parents, kids and donors can look each other up, either to meet or to exchange information.  I joined the DSR when I was considering Will’s father.  I was able to see that he had 4 halfers and all were born healthy.  This was a comfort to me.  Now, I can go in and see if any of the kids have health issues that present themselves as they get older.  What a resource!!!

I made the decision early on that any ‘meetings’ would have to be at Will’s request.  At first I chose to not contact anyone and to just let them know that Will was born healthy.  Then one Friday night the curiosity got the better of me and I messaged back and forth with some parents.  There is one potential parent that I’ve stayed in touch with but as for now, I’ll wait a few years until Will is old enough to understand and we can look into it together.

When the numbers started racking up on the DSR for Will’s father, I felt increasingly uncomfortable.  And then I thought ‘WHY’?  His dad is quality – why wouldn’t people want to use him.  And am I afraid that he’ll meet and fall in love with one of his halfers and produce two-headed children with tails?  NO!  Let’s be reasonable people – what are the chances that in all the world, those two will meet and the girl had parents who chose not to tell her she was a donor child.  Let’s say I have a better chance winning the 649 or having a date this Friday. 

I hope that when Will is old enough to understand all this, he won’t hold my decision to have him this way against me.  I really hope that, like me, his curiosity will get the best of him and he’ll want to meet some of his halfers.  I have two step-brothers who I love and we’re not related by blood – I hope he can have as meaningful a relationship with a few of his halfers with whom he does share some DNA. 

I’ll tell you this though – I’m sure as f(*&k not hosting the Christmas dinner for that brood!  It would be like a holiday at the freaking Duggars..with booze and without all the ‘J’ names!