The baby in my belly is a girl! What are the chances we’d be three for three? Pretty good, apparently!
With the revelation of the baby’s sex comes a few swirls of emotion that I wasn’t quite expecting, however. Since we know this is our last child (I don’t think our marriage our checkbook could handle the strain of any more than this) there is a certain sense of sadness that we won’t get to experience both sides of the parenting coin and the opportunity to raise a boy. I feel guilty even typing that, though, since it seems to suggest that the baby inside of me right now somehow isn’t enough. Which she is. She will be the perfect addition to our family but there is a strange finality knowing she’ll be the final installment and there will be a wake of six pigtails bobbing behind us.
My husband is taking the news a tad rougher than even he thought he would. Again, not to suggest that he’s unhappy with this baby, and he realizes we are blessed beyond measure, but he just always dreamed of someday having a son to take over the family farm, to teach how to rebuild a Toyota Land Cruiser, to take on fishing trips, to go dirt-biking with. I don’t hold those dreams against him at all. I know if the tables were turned and we were facing the arrival of our third boy that I would always have a hole in my heart for a girl.
I know that our girls may very well become farmers one day, or hard-core dirt-bikers or mechanics. And that would be great. But it’s just not the same. There is an innate difference between boys and girls (I’m not talking about all the gender stereotyping they are exposed to); ask any parent who has had the opportunity to raise both.
I am thankful that we have time to process the news and get excited about it. We are excited about this girl, whoever she is.
And I won’t have to repaint the nursery! Bonus! And the money I won’t have to spend on baby boy clothes can be put to good use on my own wardrobe and that post-partum boob job I’m holding out for.
What was your experience with the sexes of your children? Did you have a hard time accepting the news? If so, did you battle feelings of guilt about that? Do you think we should just keep on having kids until we finally get a boy (please say NO)?
I think it is much better to admit how you feel and move on then to pretend otherwise. Besides, no one is ever going to doubt how much you love your girls – all three of them!
We are having another girl too (baby #2) and it is amazing how many people ask my husband if this means we are going to keep trying until we have a boy. He really couldn’t care less as long as his children are healthy – and he also REALLY doesn’t want more than 2 kids.
Just catching up, but I had to chime in to say, “Oh, hon, I know how much you wanted a boy” (and there’s nothing wrong with saying that out loud!) and I promise to do right by you by forcing Wombat into sweater vests until he’s old enough to fight me off with a stick.
I can’t wait to see your next wee girl, no doubt as beautiful as her sisters.
I have three sisters, and cannot imagine life without them. We have a bond no other relationship can mimic, one that cannot be broken. We are all different (appearance, passions, opinions) but one in the same. I can go weeks or months without talking to them, and it takes only a few minutes to reconnect and feel like no time has passed. Also, as we’ve grown older (we’re now in our 30’s/40’s) we’ve formed much closer bonds to our father — so your husband may not be able to throw a football around with a son…but he will experience relationships and dynamics that will fill his heart and life with such joy, love, and delightful complexity. 🙂 Congratulations–
I wouldn’t keep trying for a boy 😉 – my mother-in-law is the youngest of six sisters, and everyone jokes that that’s what her parents were trying to do… But the six are incredibly close, in constant contact, and go on a trip together every year. With brothers thrown into the mix, it wouldn’t have been the same. So basically, there’s some grass is always greener stuff going on: With kids of both sexes, both parents can relate to one kid better, but the kids may not be as close. With all kids being the same sex, one parent will feel a bit left out, but the kids may be a lot closer.
Oh, and someone made a good point about sons-in-law – since my mother-in-law only had the one son, she declared me her substitute daughter after we got married. We get along swimmingly. Your husband may not get to play catch with his future sons-in-law, but he’ll have some co-conspirators. 🙂
I was ecstatic when I found out when I was pregnant that I was going to have a girl the first time around. 2nd time around (currently at the 34 week mark), when we found out it was going to be another girl, I was super disappointed. Up until we found out (via amnio so there will be no surprise at the end), I was convinced it was a boy. It took me a whole day to get over the fact that it was another girl and since because of my age (I’m pushing 40), this WILL be it for us, I felt a deep loss knowing that I’ll never have a little boy. Throughout the pregnancy, i’ve been blase about the whole thing. It doesn’t seem like as big of a deal as my first time around and we didn’t have to buy new clothes/etc. since I basically treated my girl as a boy. I myself, only have a brother and more than made up for the lack of sisterhood by having a whole cadre of girlfriends in my life.
Even now, I wonder if I can be as in love with girl#2 as i am with girl#1. But my solace is in the fact that these 2 girls who will be under 3 years apart in age, will probably be the best of friends in their lives and, at times probably the worst enemies. In the end, I hope I’ll learn to cherish this as I watch them grow up and become little women.
As I am probably going to have another c section, my doctor mentioned oh it’s so easy to tie your tubes while we’re in there if you want (made me gag to be honest when he said it). But I declined… maybe 40 is not thaaaat old to have another… boy?
I have two healthy, happy little girls and I feel truly blessed. But I must admit that I do feel guiltly that my husband will not get “his boy” (yeah, I know it has nothing to do with me or my reproductive system, but you know what I mean). Like your husband, mine was disappointed when we found out we were having a second girl (knowing we were done after two). He felt badly that he felt disapointment and knew he should just be grateful and joyful for what we had.
I still get pangs when I see a father and son playing in the park and sharing that special bond and calling each other “buddy”. Fortunately my girls adore their father and have a wonderful relationship but they are girlie girls and would far rather play dollies and make cakes than play in the mud or ride a skateboard. But it’s not about that really. As my husband tells it: it’s about males bonding with males and a son asking his dad personal stuff that he would be uncomfortable asking his mom. The same way my daughters will probably come to me to discuss things like puberty before going to their dad. It’s just about the things you share and the questions you ask with someone who is the same gender as you.
All said, I’m not willing to have a third baby just to try for the boy, and I wouldn’t suggest you keep on trying just for the sake of a boy either, but I will admit that the regret will always be there in a small way.
I’m a mom of two boys, who is 33.5 weeks pregnant with her third boy.
Before each of my pregnancies, I needed to know the sex of each of them… the 20 week ultrasound revealed that my first was a boy, and the news was met with disappointment (from an early age, I’ve known that I was meant to be a mom and that vision of “the future” always was that of me being a mom to a baby girl) and denial (which was soon quashed with another ultrasound at 24 wks.) But like all parents, upon meeting my son, I knew that this was exactly as it was meant to be.
Upon learning that my second was a boy, like some of the previous posts, I “mourned” and openly cried. The revelations and feelings you described with learning about your third being a girl are exactly what I felt with my second. My second son will soon be two and I couldn’t imagine my life without him and his older brother.
The news that the third child (which I’m currently carrying) will be a boy was met with welcome relief. Like you said, the cost savings in decor, clothing, toys, etc. is a huge bonus.
I’ve realized something about myself along this child-rearing journey… I am the type of person who revels in the predictability of raising boys and I love the attention of being the only “girl” in the house.
I’m raising my glass to a fellow mom-to-be of soon-to-be three children of the same gender… my toast to us is the knowing that given the chance, we wouldn’t have it any other way!!!
I LOVE having 3 sisters and would not change it for the world. They are the best friends anyone could ask for. Your daughters are very lucky to have each other!
We had two girls then were told (at 12 weeks) that our third was a boy. Can you see where this is going? Nearly two months later (and after purchasing all kinds of ‘Daddy’s little slugger’ type paraphenalia or however you spell it!) – found out that HE was actually a SHE… we went out to breakfast together and both cried, sobbed right there in public (don’t worry, the waitress got a hefty tip). It literally felt as if we were mourning our son – who never existed. Then she was born and my heart has never been the same. Her daddy has the softest of soft spots for her. Three girls = awesome! Three years later, we did get to use the ‘Daddy’s little slugger’ goods with our 4th and final sweet stuff. 🙂
I wanted to find out what i was having when i had my children.
When i had my first son we asked and i had a few ultra sounds so i asked again to make sure it was right. We bought some boys stuff but we also bought unisex clothes like greens and yellows just in case.
Than 7 years later we asked again what we were having again a boy.
But the only thing is yes we did not have ot purchase alot because we kept alot of things. Which is great when you are having the same sex.
All the boys toys that filled the house.
But with my secon son i want to be able to purchase different items that are still meant for boys but things that we do not already have.
You know how many cars we have in this house? Over 100.
I knew what ever we were having that i was happy and hoping that they would be healthy. Thatwas what mattered to me.
But in the back of my mind- yes it would be nice to have a little girl to do her hair in pigtails and when she got older to go shopping together.
But i do some of the boy things with my sons. As i played outdoors with hockey stick and trying to score a goal and playing catch.
I know some people feel that thye have a complete family with having one of each a boy and a girl.
But i feel our family is complete with my husband and 2 boys and a dog and a cat.
We have a fun filled crazy happy home.
I say do not try for a boy unless you really want to.
Enjoy each moment with your children as time goes by to quick.
Congrats!
We’re (I hope!) finding out in a few weeks what we’re having. I’m 99% sure this is our last baby (we have a 3 yr old daughter) and I think both of us are hoping for a boy, even just a little bit. Another girl would obviously be welcome, but I worry about the guilt I’ll feel if I’m disappointed. But- it’s normal I suppose 🙂 And I don’t think it would last long- a healthy baby is a reason to celebrate, regardless of gender!
Wow, Congratulations : ) If I had three girls I would probably want to try for a boy but that is coming from someone who hasn’t had any children yet and whose husband only wants two kiddos…. so it doesn’t really count 😛
Congrats! About one year ago, I could have written the EXACT SAME post. almost word for word. Now, a year later, we have three girls, the youngest being nine months, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way! Although…we are considering trying ONE more time…but we’re really not sure yet! LOL
I’m sure you know my feelings on this one….I have ALWAYS wanted a girl. Not right away, I wanted a big brother first, and then at least one girl. I prayed so hard. I didn’t think I wanted anything more. I found out ahead of time that we were having our 3rd boy, and yes, there was this mourning for the girl that never will be. I think it’s ok to feel that way, and of course we don’t make our youngest feel like we didn’t want him, cuz we love him just as much and we weren’t having a 3rd only to have a girl, we knew we wanted 3. It is just one of those things that you always had thought would happen and when it doesn’t, it takes a while to process. I’m still processing it. Part of the hard part is knowing that everyone wanted you to have the “girl” (or boy in your case) and you almost feel like you let everyone down.
I always assumed I’d have a girl, always pictured myself having a girl, always wanted a girl. However, at our ultrasound we were told that we were having a boy. Ryan, of course, was thrilled, and honestly, it took a good day or two for the news to sink in for me. I didn’t have a brother, wasn’t raised around boys, etc. And then Ty was born, and, oh my goodness, I can’t imagine my life being any different. He’s my little Ty, my one and only. Now Ryan desperately wants a little girl, but I’m happy as can be with my one little boy 🙂
I know how you feel I guess a part of me will always think what if? I wouldn’t change either of my boys for the world but there’ll always be a small piece of me that will wonder what it would be like to have a daughter and I also feel guilty that I never gave Craig a little princess (although technically it’s his fault as the men determine the sex)
I thought for sure our second would be another girl, and I was a tiny dissapointed for two seconds when I found out he was a boy. It is neat to see the differences between them, and to have a “matched set”, but it is twice as expensive to clothe them as not much can be passed down.
And don’t be too blue about not having a baby boy, as much as I love my son, little boys pee EVERYWHERE. Ever seen that Huggies commercial when the Dad is changing the little boy in a bedroom at a dinner party?? It’s not far off the truth!!!
Congrats on the girl-on-the-way!!
I have no children of my own, but my father has three biological daughters and two stepdaughters. He says he lives in the middle of an “estrogen fest.”
Long story short, one half-sister is much older and our two step-sisters weren’t in the picture until middle school, so it was us two girls (twins) and Dad on weekends (our parents are divorced).
He has mentioned many times that he is so happy with what he got, us girls, no son necessary. He would have loved to have a son to take fishing and hunting and the like, I’m sure, but he took my sister and I fishing a lot when we were younger. Now, he uses those activities to get a break for a bit ;).
My husband’s family is all boys, except for two girl cousins. I really thought we’d end up with all boys. When we found out we were having a girl I was excited, but also a little saddened maybe? Although, sad sounds wrong. I think we were just not getting what we expected. But we’re thrilled with our girl.
I completely understand your feelings and your husband’s feelings. Just think…it’s more hairbows and dresses. 🙂
It’s all boys here, despite my girlyness (i host the style file for goodness sakes!), but it’s right for us and our lives. Yes, I do occasionally “mourn” the girl I never had (and getting to buy all those cute girly clothes – sigh!), while thanking the universe for our family structure.
I think it’s totally okay to feel what you are feeling. I would feel the same way, had a I not had one of each. We are extremely blessed to have whatever we get. Sometimes I think it would be fun to have a house of all boys. Before Ava, I didn’t think I could share “my” Dana with another girl… LOL. How naive I was. And then I would think of having all girls and the fun dynamics that would bring too. And I am VERY thankful to have the the mix we do. But might I say, I don’t think you should pull the plug on the thought of having more children. I am a firm believer that there is a thing as a quick decision. I never thought we would have more than two, and when we had one of each seemingly you would think that I would have no desire to have more. But I believe that God works on your heart. Either to solidify your feeling that your family is complete, OR that your family still has room to grow. For me, I know we are still growing (which is crazy to me), but God is working on my heart one baby at a time. Congratulations on your beautiful family, Amanda. We are so happy for you.
I have one boy and one girl – a million dollar family apparently (although I’d never heard the term until everyone started telling me that’s what I had). I honestly didn’t care what the sex of the babies were. It’s nice having every toy in the store in our house – we get the trucks and the dolls. I think (in general) siblings of the same sex grow up closer than siblings of the opposite gender and I think that is a big plus.
I can totally relate, however, I”m on the other side where I have 3 boys!! Being a complete girly girl myself and having 3 younger sisters, I told God that I just wanted girls, yeah, that didn’t work out so well. I didn’t find out with my first and was excited that he was a boy, but I did find out for my 2nd and 3rd cause I did not want to be disappointed if it wasn’t a girl. I would be lying if I said that there are times that I’m not sad that I don’t have a little girl, however, I love my boys and I get to be the only “girl” in the house and my shoes and bags and clothes will not go missing – at least I don’t think they will!! Its good to know that someone is making girls out there though, cause I know of 3 boys who are going to need to find some good girls!!
I totally think it’s okay to “grieve” the fact that you’re not having a boy, and I don’t think it means that you’re not looking forward to another girl. I know that if I had another one and it was another girl, I’d need a couple days to get over a bit of disappointment before being stoked about my third girl. It’s okay 🙂
I’m already excited to hear what you’re going to name the little goober.
I totally get what you’re saying, Amanda. I have one of each and cherish the fact that I get to parent both a boy and a girl. However, I was one of 3 girls and I would not change it for the world! I don’t think either of my parents would either. My sisters are my best friends and always were. Now that my mom is gone my dad has the benefit of having 3 adult women to love and care for him. It is totally understandable that you would feel sad for the boy you will never have while being excited to welcome your third little girl into your family.
Congratulations!
I somehow knew with both my girls, that the only children I would ever give birth to would be … well girls! My heart never really yearned for a child of the male persuasion. I always wanted girls because I was always drawn to the frills, lace, ruffles, and bows, of which both my girls wore plenty of them all! I’m female so I knew what growing up ‘girl’ was about. My only sibling was female so I didn’t have a clue about growing up ‘boys.’
MAN did that change! When we found out the sex of my first grandchild … I freaked! I begged the sono tech to look again and make sure. No way in this world could a daughter of mine be giving birth to … A BOY! I didn’t have a clue about raising a boy and honestly … didn’t think I would ever want to know about raising a boy. Once Lil Man joined our family … OH MY … I was smitten … totally smitten with love for this precious little man that God had blessed our lives with. When my other daughter found out she was pregnant I knew she would give me a granddaughter and life would be perfect. While buying trucks and cars for one, I would buy baby dolls and lace for the other. A perfect balance … that wasn’t meant to be! When we found out that she too was going to bless our family with another little boy things started to take on a whole different perspective. I realized that these two babies would probably be the only grandchildren I would be blessed with and since they both were precious little boys … I was content. I realized that trucks and cars can be more fun than dolls and lace.
THEN IT HAPPENED!! My daughter announced she was pregnant once again … totally unexpected and almost frightening. We waited and the Lord knows I prayed that this would finally be my granddaughter. The little girl I could spoil and she would be my hearts content … NOT! Was NOT meant to be. My daughter found out about 4 weeks ago that she is having another little boy. I’ve resigned to never getting to raise another little girl … only little boys … and Lord how happy that makes me. I was disappointed for about 30 seconds when they told us the new baby was going to be another boy … then I thought for a minute and decided that there is absolutely nothing to be disappointed about. There is nothing more special than having a little boy run up and give you a big hug and a kiss then hear them say “I miss you today Nanny” … my heart be still!
Congratulation on another little girl!
ANOTHER GIRL!!! YAY!
I didn’t find out with the first two…and then I was all, “I had the girl surprise, I had the boy surprise….now I WANT TO KNOW” and so we found out with Isabella.
PS. There’s something incredibly awesome about families with children of all the same sex. LOVE.
I found out with all 3 of mine. My first was a boy which i was THRILLED about because i thought i only wanted boys. When i found out my second was a girl, i have to admit i was a little shocked and really didn’t believe it until she was born. I thought I didn’t want to have a daughter ….and then i fell madly in love and she is the light of my life. She looks like me, which is really neat but she is a total PRINCESS which is what my biggest fear was about having a daughter. Her personality is nothing like mine, but it’s ok and i think i’m doing a pretty good job with the whole princess, frilly dresses and crap like that…LOL My third was also a girl and she is only 5 months old now. I could not be more happy that i have 2 daughters. My mom and 2 sisters and me are BEST friends and i feel so blessed with them and my 2 girls. I’m so looking forward to having “girls night” with my own daughters each week…just like my mom and my sisters and me!
PS…my son was a gift from GOD and we were soooo close until he became a TEENAGER!! Now he has a girlfriend and has pretty much forgotten about me for the time being 🙁 so i’m glad i still have my little girls!
You are very blessed 🙂
I found out the sex of my guy before he got here. While I would have been thrilled with a healthy baby of either sex, I really wanted a boy. I figured finding out before would give me an opportunity to get my head around having a girl if she was one….which he wasn’t. It’s funny because being single everyone assumed that I would have wanted a girl and asked if I was disappointed he was a boy. Will is pretending to put on mascara and putting hair elastics in his hair…so Amanda, if your hubby ever wants to borrow him to take him dirt biking…say the word!
We have four kids, the first three girls and the last a boy, and contrary to popular opinion we didn’t keep trying for the boy. We always knew we wanted four kids and were just blessed with both genders. I was ecstatic when I discovered that our last was a boy, but honestly the way I feel about my son isn’t any different than the way I feel about my daughters. I feel the same about them because they’re all our kids. Someone wise told me that there is great freedom in choosing to be done growing your family, and the choice was easy for us, but the transition was harder. To go from 9 month intervals of excited anticipation to…….well really just longer intervals of excited anticipation (waiting for them to experience kindergarten, and loose their first tooth and ride two wheelers and the like). It’s hard to move on from babyland and the ‘what might be’. But here’s an alternate point of view, there’s still the potential that one day you’ll have three sons, and the long awaited excited anticipation of who they will be and added bonus, you wont have to potty train them 😉
I am a week away from baby number 3. I have 2 girls, and have thought all along this will be a boy, don’t really know why? A few weeks ago, I met a lady with FIVE girls, and it suddenly dawned on me, oh my, I could be having another little girl. I am not sure that I will be upset but I can see all the points you have made. And probably the fact that you are digesting them now as opposed to when baby arrives gives your mind more time for ticking! Don’t feel bad about any feeling that arises, that’s all it is, a feeling that passes, this is all part of the process. I think the thing that stinks is that people assume we want a boy or will ‘try’ again if it’s a girl. Having another child is not based on which sex but a choice to bring another person into the family, and it seems that is what you were doing when you went for number 3.
Loving your updates!
I am the second of three girls and could not be happier about that. Sisters will stay together through everything. You are blessed beyond measure that you will raise a tight little posse. Sure, we fight, but we talk every day and I think my life would be poorer for it. Hope to have me some sisters for my daughter one day. I do understand though, the sadness that I might feel at not ever being able to raise a son. I guess let yourself feel all the feelings and don’t let anyone guilt you out of them. Good luck.
Congratulations Amanda, having girls is terrific. I would love to post more in depth on this topic but I’m afraid I might cry a little thinking about everything involved. Girls are great, boys are too. You get what you get and you love them always…and who knows, unless you get permanent birth control, you just can never tell what the future holds…
I love the picture your added to this post. It melts my heart.
I have a boy and a girl. We are not finding out what we’re having this time. I want to try the surprise at birth thing. I do worry about the sibling who will be out numbered gender-wise. Possibly that is the reason I’ve always thought 4 kids is a good number, but there is no guarantee that I can even out the odds. You are absolutely right about he differences in gender from the very start. Though you may not experience raising boys, you will hopefully end up with some fine upstanding son in laws some day, ( I know a nice lady with 3 busy little boys about the right age…just call me Yente) with out having to deal with the boy stuff, like pee on your walls.
Congratulations on your baby girl.
I love being the mom to three beautiful girls, all with their own look and personality. I am also so excited to see their relationship grow as they grow. Having only a brother I am almost a little jealous of the lifelong bond they will share. I couldn’t imagine my life any different, and really my husband loves it too but is thinking he won’t survive puberty times 3!
I did not find out the gender of any of my 3 kids while I was pregnant. We’re the oddballs that waited until delivery.
My first (boy) – I swore I was having a girl so I was shocked when hubby announced it was a boy. A great surprise
My second (boy) – I wanted a girl for me, but a boy for my older son (they’re 18mos apart). I wanted to experience raising a girl, the bond with a daughter. But I wanted my son to have a brother. It was a win either way.
My third (girl) was an absolute surprise. Shock. I did not want to find out the gender because – quite honestly – I didn’t want to be disappointed if I knew it was another boy beforehand. I knew I would only feel joy at the birth, regardless of the gender. More importantly – if it were another boy I knew I would not enjoy the pregnancy due to worry of another son with autism.
No do not try until you get a boy. Three girls are awesome!!!
I come from a family with 3 girls. I’m the baby – so ya…I get that my parents probably really wanted a boy. They got me instead – lucky them!!
I LOVE having sisters. We didn’t always get along growing up by my sisters are such a huge part of my life as an adult. I feel so blessed to have them and it is actually one regret that I have – that my daughter will never have a sister. Mine are so important to me.