Isn’t parenthood beautiful? I mean lying in bed next to your sleeping angel as his little chest raises up and down in a peaceful slumber. Having him run to you with open arms yelling ‘Mama – Mama’. That incredible newborn smell that can overtake a whole room and should be bottled (oh it is! Downey!).
Then – they turn three. And it’s all downhill. A friend of mine sent me this video last week and I died laughing.
You see this girls face??? This is me for the majority of my days. In a permanent wide-eyed glass of repulsion. I’m not sure anyone prepares you for the grossness that is the three-year old.
So – my top three gross-outs?
a. The Snot. It’s constant, thick and doesn’t clean itself. Last week, Will sneezed in his sleep in the car. By the time we got home and he woke up, his face was covered in a film of dried snot. Screaming ensues as you attempt to wash it …because you know if you don’t, pieces of fluff will end up lodged there and it’s just weird.
b. The Regurgitated Food. Wow Mom, those noodles with tuna and peas look delicious – I’m going to put a GIANT scoop in my mouth. Then I’m going to chew them up and decide my mouth is too full. I’m not going to spit them in a napkin or the toilet – I’m going to drop the entire mouthful right in your hand. I just gagged. Why does it have to be so warm?
c. The Toilet Training Poop Fail. If I have to clean one more log out of the bottom of Will’s jammies, I may lose it. Seriously – there are times he walks towards me and says “I pooped” – and because he doesn’t wear undies with jammies in the morning, the log is MIA! We have many MANY pajama tops that do not have matching pants…because frankly, they’re cheap at Joe and I can’t deal.
What are your top parental gross outs??? Don’t hold back – nothing is off the table here!
Sure he’s laughing…he probably just dropped a deuce on the playroom floor!
* I’m going to add asparagus pee in a diaper to my list too. Lately the kid has been bunking with me…and man oh man….when he pees and he’s had asparagus…not pleasant!
Billi! Your kids have never puked! What??????????? LIke no flu or anything? Holy crap – you must live in a bubble!!! How do you like this stat…my kid will eat any food except…CHEESE???? Who is this toddler…. asparagus is an easy one…it’s like eating trees. And the damn calamari was at the Taste of the Kingsway….
Sara – your kid eats asparagus and calamari? Fancy toddler. And I hope I’m not jinxing myself when I say this but neither of my girls (4-1/2 and 3 yrs) have ever puked!! So weird. Maybe it’s avoiding asparagus and calamari…
🙂
If you had experienced my kid barfing whole calamari….you would never suggest anything is worse…..I’m just saying….
I have to say that milk puke is the worst…but anything with chunks!!
Oh and Sista…chick has been saving her earwax just for you!!!!
Argh…. snot bubbles
Ok.. puke .. but ladies-you need to go further.
What has your kid puked up that is the worst.
Like Banana yogurt or hot dogs?
I’ve had both and hot dogs is by far, the worst.
I sooth myself by cleaning out the earwax .. love that.
I don’t mind my own kids snot, puke and poo so much. It’s other kids “yuck” that grosses me out. And there are days when I see a lot of it, particularly snot. Ug.
Love the video.
Ohmygod, that’s funny! For me it’s night puking. Hands down. I have potty-trained 8 so far and am more-or-less immune to poop in all it’s incarnations. But going into my sleeping angel’s room at night after hearing the dreaded cough and gag? Or, better still, doing the grab-and-run after hearing the cough (but not the gag) and feeling it run down my neck? Nope, I will never get used to that.
wiping another kid’s bum! gagggggg….i literally couldn’t eat until the following day.
I try so hard not to think about it when they puke. I can barely deal…
That MIA poop is killing me, Sara. Holy crap.
For me it’s the pee on the seat. I have 2 boys who haven’t quite mastered their yet.
Prior to that it was Cuyler’s diaper when he was de-yeasting.
O. M. F. G. You haven’t seen or smelled “gross” til you’ve seen or smelled yeasty poo. (and he was 4!)
Yeah puke is the worst. But cleaning up their friends puke on a “play day” tops everything!!!
Oh, the puke. When they throw up sitting on you, cleaning the chunks from sheets and hair… ugh. I knew for sure I was a real parent when Girl 7 was a toddler and started to throw up in her high chair, and I reached out and caught it in my hand.
going into a dark room to soothe your crying child…only to discover they have puke all over themselves and the bed….oh and at 3 am….
Hahah this is awesome. Phantom Poo! ACK
pissing myself laughing…