My husband and I couldn’t have more different parenting techniques. He is firm, steady and level-headed while I am hot-and-cold, emotionally charged and prone to exasperation.
I am the one who kisses the boo-boos, sings the lullabies, and initiates the dance parties in the living room. He takes them for tractor rides, teaches them about nature and how the world works, and playfully rough-houses with them until they’re hoarse from so much laughter.
He is so good at not letting their bad attitudes set the tone, whereas I LOSE IT when they are being little brats and I feel like they’re ruining my day by being so awful. It’s all about perspective, and he has a far better grasp on it than I usually do.
We have the same fundamental parenting beliefs and are always sure to present a united front to our kids, but I’m wondering if we’re not the only ones our there with a spouse who parents differently than you do? Are you always on the same page, or does one of you tell the other to take a chill pill, already?!
I’m like you, and my DH is like yours. He is much more strict than I am, but also much more consistent. Once I asked the kids why they never ask Daddy for treats or wake him up to make them breakfast or throw a hairy canary over bedtime for him… and they said in unison “Because Daddy says NO!”. He still has fun with them and includes them in his day, but they know they will not budge him an inch with any kinds of antics or tears or screams of bloody murder! They know I’m the push over and they know how to get to me. I’m also with them a heck of a lot more and they have been studying my weaknesses since birth, where as Daddy is a bit of an enigma. I have been known to quietly ask my DH to ease up a bit, after all they are small children, not minions to do his bidding. He takes over for me when he sees that they have me over a barrel. We are learning to work together and support one another, instead of criticizing each other’s approaches. Now that number 4 is coming along in a few weeks we’re considering using the Duggar approach of the Buddy system which will make for a whole new dimension in child rearing I suppose. I’m not entirely sure it is necessary since we will have 4 kids, not 14…however, some days it would be great to have back up, even if it is in the form of my 6 and 5 year olds!
I think it’s easier to be the calm level-headed one when you are not fully immersed in it every second of your day. Perspective is something that comes from a little bit of distance.
We are total opposites, too, but Brian gets overloaded more quickly than I do and just lets them do what they want in order to avoid causing himself any more stress (really helpful…HA!). I think I might be both good and bad cop in my family. I am the one to dole out the discipline, but I am also the one to play silly games and laugh at their terrible potty humor. 🙂