I am wondering- am I the only mom who feels the NEED to leave her house, with her child, every day? Am I the only mom who thinks it’s important for her baby to have outside experiences even though he may be too young to remember or understand them? Am I crazy for thinking that leaving the comfort, safety and warmth of my home is a necessary evil in my baby’s upbringing?
Here’s where all of this is coming from. I was talking to a mom that I kind-of know. She’s a social “friend” that I don’t hang out with, but I see about once a week at a local coffee shop. I know she has a baby about the same age as The Boy, but I couldn’t tell you his name or even what he looks like. Because I’ve only seen him once. Even though I see her every week.
Today, I finally asked her where her son was. I couldn’t stand it anymore- my nosiness took over and I had to know where this mysterious son always was. She said she just couldn’t be bothered to take her son out with her during the day. Her mom, who lived right down the street from her house, would come over every day and look after her son so that she could go out and shop, grab a coffee, run errands, whatever. Then she would go home and hang out with her son.
Lest I sound judgey- I know I don’t know this mom’s situation. I know
that I LIKE to get out on my own once in a while. I am not judging her
ability to mother her son- I am sure she plays with him, feeds him,
stimulates his spongey mind, and loves him to bits. There are a
million things that I do every day that other moms could jump all
over. But, her answer made me feel sad.
Her answer made me feel so sad for her son, because I am such a big believer in the importance of getting your child out of the house! I feel like their little minds- sponges, yes?- need that stimulation that only the outside world can provide. Therefore, I felt sad for her son who, as she told me during our conversation, “…gets out about once a week, if he is lucky, because it is way too much work”.
I believe in giving kids experiences. My motto is: “What’s the worst that can happen?”
My son is not easy. He used to cry every time I came near Walmart. He
has thrown a fit in Ikea. I have left my cart, full of food, in an
aisle of the grocery store to escape with my screaming baby. But he has also made friends with an old
man at the food court. And charmed the librarians with his red hair
and big eyelashes. And discovered how much he loves to stare at the fish at the pet store. The benefits of these outings far outweighs the few minutes of work to put his snowsuit and strap him into the carseat and the always present possibility that he might throw a fit.
Our daily outings are nothing special- grocery store, coffee shop, library, a friend’s house, the mall, a mom group, story time. We often meet up with other moms and their baby’s, but we are often alone as well. I chat to The Boy about the colour of apples. He nibbles on a cracker or chatters back to me (“da, da, da, da”- to paraphrase what my 8 month old says). But we leave the house and The Boy discovers that other people and places exist, and gets a break from looking at his mother’s face all day long. It’s fun to see him grow, learn and discover, and that’s what made me feel so sad for this mother who chooses to never take her child out. He isn’t getting the chance to see the outside world and she isn’t getting the opportunity to see him learn and grow in the outside world.
Leaving our house has saved my sanity more then once. And, to be fair and honest, we stay in at least one day a week and just play and read books all day long. But more often then not, we bundle up and get out. So this mommy is so happy that she does!
I hear ya!! I went out every single day…mommy/me classes, babies making music classes, a class with the public health nurse, mommy/baby get-fit class.
We had a schedule by the time he was 3 months old!!
I simply could not stay home and wanted my son to have experiences from the get-go.
Enjoy your outings and take advantage of all those classes that are out there.
I believe they are good for moms/dads and they are great for babies.
Sarah – you are an inspiration! I love your positive attitude and outlook on life and the life and experiences that you are giving your Boy.
It makes me take a look at me and my Boy. I do find it a hassle sometimes to take him with me all the time but like a previous post said it is the timing that is the issue. I want him to be awake when we are out and not (very) tired so he can sit up and enjoy the world. He loves it.
I have a coworker that said to me that while she was on Mat leave she felt bored. Hmmm… I’m never bored. I’m always looking for opportunities to meet new people (well, moms and their babies) and for my Boy to meet new people and interact with them. And of course to build on new friendships so that he has little friends to learn from and play with.
It can get boring if you do stay home all the time doing the same old thing and the baby will get bored and probably cranky too.
And people at the coffee shops and grocery stores and malls just love babies! And it makes me feel great when they make funny faces at my Boy and try to get him to smile and say he is so cute!!! I love that! And I think it brightens those peoples day too!
Sarah I totally agree with you and I too felt sad for this woman and her son – they are definitely missing out on so many adventures and experiences. When my first son was born (5 years ago) he wasn’t much of a daytime napper so we went everywhere together. From the grocery store to the library to the pool to 5 hour walks along nature paths to try and get him to stay asleep – we discovered it all and he loved every minute of it! Granted he was always amazing on these outings and rarely caused a fuss so I was as brave as could be and literally did take him anywhere and everywhere. When my second son was born (3 years ago) I simply followed suit and carted him along too. Although he needed to nap during the day we simply worked around his schedule and pretty much always went out everyday. Even in the middle of the winter when my second son was only a few months old, I would be outside building a snowman with my oldest while the baby was sleeping soundly against my chest in the sling. I even shovelled the driveway like that while my older son played. Now that my third son is here (almost 4 months old now) I have no choice but to get out of the house. With my oldest in school every afternoon, my middle child in nursery school every other afternoon, groceries to be purchased, open gym class to attend and a multitude of other errands to run – we are out of the house (all 4 of us) rain, shine, snow, wind, hail…whatever. I simply take them with me everywhere I go and they love it. They are all so great when we go out (probably because we’ve been doing it since they were born) and even more so – they’re helpful. They help bag groceries at Superstore, push the cart for me at Wal-mart, they hand the man at the post office the money when we’re buying stamps, they help me pick out snacks at the health food store and the funniest part is that they now shout out directions from the back of the van because they know where everything is in our city! I guess the bottom line is that everyone has to do what’s best for them but I can honestly say that I love getting out of the house and my kids love it too. It’s worth the hassle of 2 hats, 2 coats, 2 pairs of snowpants, 4 mittens, 4 boots, one baby in a snuggly in his car seat, the diaper bag, my purse, the kids drinks and snacks and my own gear (if I manage to find anything for myself to wear other than my shoes!). If I can successfully grocery shop with 3 children in tow (5 year old walks, baby is in top of grocery cart and 3 year old crouches underneath on the rack – and loves it – let’s not talk about the safety concerns of this!) – then anything is possible!
Your son and I have something in common… I also cry when I am near a Walmart, especially the parking lot!
I’m here concerned that we don’t get our daughter out of the house often enough! But to each their own, right? I’m with you, the more the better.
I think it’s great to get out and see the world, for both mommy and baby. I almost always take my daughter with me when I go out and it’s not always easy. But the more we go out, the more we learn to work with each other outside the comfort of home.
I find it not only sad that the mom you’re writing about couldn’t be bothered to take her son out and expose him to all sorts of new experiences, but also because she is missing out on valuable opportunities to learn how to take her son out. The earlier you start this “going out” process, the easier it can become because mommy and baby grow together. Imagine what would happen if this woman’s mother couldn’t look after her grandson one day and the mom had to bring her son along on an errand. It would be more than difficult, re-enforcing her view that going out with her son is too much of a hassle.
Baby number two is on the way for me and I am looking forward to the (most likely) very difficult challenge (but absolutely wonderful experience) of taking two young ones out with me when I shop and see the world outside my front door. It really is just a state of mind.
I always took DD out when she was little, more out of my boredom than anything. We went pretty much anywhere, and she was always very good when we went somewhere. I always thought she was so well behaved because we went out a ton.
Now that I have two kids, I just find it too hard to get out with both of them, especially because DS is so big (nearly 24 lbs at 10 mos) and has to be carried – along with my purse, diaper bag, DD’s stuff, and then to hold her hand in parking lots, etc. I maybe get out of the house with both kids twice per week, and I dread it when I know I have to haul them and all their gear somewhere. For me the benefits rarely outweigh the fuss, but each Mom is different. I don’t have any friends with babies, and frankly I am too shy to try and meet new people. I think it hurts me more than the kids because I go quite stir crazy and get quite bored, but the work and stress of getting everyone out the door is just such an obstacle.
The good news is that when we do get out DS is just as good out as DD was, so I guess they just behave because they are with someone they love.
For anyone who’s ever read Flowers in the Attic in high school – they realize children need fresh air, sunshine and outdoor stimulation to fully develop.
Outdoor time is always a touchy subject around my neighbourhood. I’m a believer in going outside everyday. My neighbour with young children is not. I have a dayhome full of toddlers so it isn’t easy but the benefits definitely outweigh the bundling up, counting mittens, and constant watch. Even if it’s just a walk around the block to count houses that are blue or cars with four doors…everyday’s an adventure!
I applaud parents that include their children in all that life has to offer. Waiting in line doesn’t have to be just that, it could be prime time to play eye spy with my little eye…
Kudos Sarah!
It is great to get out and enjoy time with the little guy, especially because my mat leave is soon coming to an end. For me, the hurdle is not the work to get him ready, for me it’s all about timing. He is a BEAR if he doesn’t get his naps, which makes feeding him a big challenge (and he needs the calories!) So, if I can swing lunch dates, that’s what we do because then he can eat, play and come home to nap. This is a far cry from the little boy who would only nap on the go…in the car seat or stroller 🙂
It is a ton of work. Especially when baby doesn’t appreciate it. I can relate to her but I didn’t have a friend down the street so I did bring my baby out…or sometimes I couldn’t be bothered so I just stayed home. But either way, looking back, I’m glad we got out and experienced the world together. Funny, I really don’t remember the hassle or the screaming nearly as much as I remember the ooohs and ahhhs and discoveries.