I had my first prenatal appointment this week and my doctor began the session by glancing at my chart and chirping, “My! You sure do weigh a lot more this time than you did when starting your last pregnancy! Let’s try not to gain much weight this time around, OK? Try for a mere 10-15 pounds or so.”
If those aren’t the words a bloated and hormonal woman are dying to hear, I don’t know what are.
My ob/gyn is one of those women who popped out four babies and bounced back, perky bum and all, and even though she’s well past middle age, looks amazing and probably weighs about 90 pounds soaking wet.
So basically, I kind of want to punch her sometimes.
She’s a great doctor and has been there for both of my girls. She is generally supportive but seems to have a hang-up with weight. In both of my previous pregnancies I gained exactly 43 pounds and I think she got scared I was going to eat her. After a few more comments like her one above, I just might.
I know she’s just trying to watch out for my health, but I seem to be one of those women who don’t go through pregnancy as a light-weight. I get pregnant everywhere: my arms get fat, my butt rises like a cake, my chins double, and my belly is a blimp. I don’t like getting so big, but each time I have worked very hard to lose the weight, with decent success. Sure, after baby number two I kind of gave up with the last ten pounds, but I was feeling pretty good about my body image before my doctor’s comment.
What has been your experience with doctors and pregnancy weight gain? Was your ob/gyn a skinny meanie who made you feel bad, or a supportive fat guy who told you to to eat more ice cream? Do you think I should talk to my doctor about how her comments make me feel?
I found 28 days later to be so much better! All the people saying this one is better or as good as the firstone most likely haven’t seen it yet.
I gained too much the first time – around 70 lbs – and lost it all quite quickly and was back to my normal weight before baby #2 (gained around 50 the second time). My Dr didn’t say anything to me either time, and I had very healthy babies so obviously I didn’t do anything THAT wrong. You need to address this with your Dr, her comments made you uncomfortable and I’m sure you aren’t the only patient that she has said these things to. IMO monitoring weight gain is important during pregnancy to look specifically for things like sudden gains or losses, not to make the woman feel even unhappier with themselves than they already are!
You might ask her why it’s unhealthy to gain X amount. From what others have said, I think maybe she is using some preconceived notions here.
I have no kids and not looking to have any at this point. Last spring, a doctor told me I was five months pregnant and that he heard a heartbeat. I said I’d been getting my period, using some forms of b.c., etc. but he was just like no, you’re pregnant. Then he was like “Most women aren’t this upset about being pregnant” when I was freaking the hell out. He didn’t give me any other kind of test.
Cue the worst night of my life, worrying I’d have an unwanted special needs child because I’d had no special nutrition, had drunk some alcohol, had a pet cat with a litter box for awhile, etc.
I’m not a stick, but I’m not really a big girl…I really did not look pregnant.
And I wasn’t pregnant. (The heartbeat was my own terrified heartbeat going at fetal rate). But I resent that doctor to this day and worry about his competency. I live in a small town and many people don’t have a choice about who to go see. Ugh. I’d always been rather sympathetic to docs messing up before since parents are both medical doctors and people with that job are only human. But doctors should leave their own ideas about who is fat at the door when they go to work if it’s not a real medical issue!
What! That’s horrible. You’d think being a doctor she’d have the knowledge that everyone has different body types and pregnancies. I think 10-15 pounds is a little unrealistic for MOST women, I’m surprised she even suggested it. I think I gained 10-15 as soon as that little pink line showed up, never mind the rest of the 34 weeks. I gained 75 with my first pregnancy, and my doctor didn’t seem the least bit concerned. And probably about 40-50 with my second, and about 40 with my 3rd. And I lost most of it afterward. So I say go enjoy this last pregnancy, and all the cravings that come with (within reason of course, haha) and don’t let this be another issue where you’re worried about a # on a scale.
I have a jolly plump midwife who understands that I’m not happy with my heavy pre-pregnancy weight, so she supports me in my efforts to gain as little as possible. I don’t tend to gain much in pregnancy because I’m so anal about it, but I gain during weaning, and struggle with weight in my postpartum times.
I think you should let your Dr. know how you feel; it couldn’t hurt. Maybe she’ll be more sensitive, and maybe even helpful?
This is a horrid story amanda. I think your doctor needs some coaching on how to be professional.
I think it’s great that doctors are bringing up the issue of weight-gain with concern, but doing so in a way that has the potential for harm is irritating.
I am still in 18 weeks and my doctors is very supportive she tells me the change of pregnancy week by week. I gain more weight after 15 weeks. I must say she is very very supportive.
It is true that midwives are not immune to this behaviour – I was a smidge underweight when I got pregnant and ended up gaining 35 lbs. big deal right?
My midwife apparently thought so….. at the 30 week mark I was told to “dial it back a notch” unless I wanted to have a c-section – which according to her were mostly due to women gaining too much weight. :0
There is nothing worse than a healthcare professional with their own weight hang ups.
I gained 50lbs with each, and only lost 30 in the end (my youngest is now 5). So, you can feel sucessfully skinny next to me.
I am 6 weeks postpartum with my first child. I had midwives, and was told by one-once during my pregnancy “So, like why are you gaining so much weight?” at 28 weeks, because I had gained 6 lbs between visits. Then I boycotted her and went to another at the next visit, and I asked her about my weight gain and she said-“don’t even worry about your weight, it will not be an issue, you will gain what you need to”. And so when I topped the scale 38 lbs later-185 lbs-I didn’t.
I’d say something. You haven’t had any weight-related health problems in your previous pregnancies, and 43 pounds isn’t THAT much, and if it’s making you feel really bad, that’s NOT GOOD. Tell her you’re aware of your weight and that you’ll keep an eye on it but that her little digs aren’t helping. Then threaten to eat her!
My sister in law’s (male) dr. told her, after gaining a lot of weight with her first baby, to “skinny up” a bit more before trying again. She never went back. I’m just now starting my fervent weight loss after #3. I didn’t try much between pregnancies, and now’s the time.
I hate comments like that. Every woman, every baby has different needs and changes while she’s pregnant. It’s ridiculous to try to gain as little weight as possible, nevermind unhealthy and possibly leading to deprivation of important fats that both you and your body need.
Be healthy. Eat well, eat until you are satisfied. Keep stress low. Keep active. That’s the best anyone should be expected to do while pregnant unless it’s an actual matter of health, like gestational diabetes.
You look great and you are right, you always take care of yourself afterwards. Keep doing what you are doing, even if that includes the occasional ice cream treat and an extra 10 lbs.
I think forty three pounds is perfect. I hate to admit it but I gained sixty-three pounds with my first daughter and was still up fifteen pounds when I got pregnant with my twins. With the twins I gained eighty-one pounds and delivered two large babies, my daughter was just under eight pounds and my son just under seven. That said, within ten days of giving birth I had lost sixty pounds of the eighty-one I gained. It’s not a perfect science, the weight gain recommendations are averages. I had alot of water retention with both pregnancies and ended up with pre-eclampsia towards the end in both. My feeling is that if you are healthy and the baby is getting adequate nutrition then there should be no issue. Weight gain is individual. One extremely thin woman I worked with gained 100lbs with her daughter who was only 5lbs at birth. She had lost it all within 12 weeks. Don’t sweat the weight thing Amanda. If you really think about your own feelings about your body and self image and are able to separate those feelings so that you are able to eat nutriously and give your baby what it needs without feeling bad throughout your pregnancy then you are doing well. Worry about the weight AFTER. New studies suggest that mothers who don’t gain an adequate amount of weight in the first and second trimester end up having more problems in pregnancy.
Ugh, I hate this type of thing, especially when this advice is given to people who are not obese or even overweight. I gained 53 lbs (and started out at a normal weight) and was only given a talking to by one of the midwives in the team that I saw. That one midwife made me feel sooooo bad. I avoided her for the remainder of my pregnancy and was glad she wasn’t the one to deliver. If I were you I wouid definitely talk about it so you don’t dread each and every appointment. The stress of keeping my weight gain to 10-15 lbs would be really hard for me to handle. And are you taller? Would it really be appropriate for someone taller to limit their weight gain like that? BTW, I’ve lost all the weight and then some. I imagine I’ll still end up gaining over 35 lbs with the next one and I’m (mostly) OK with that.
I started out overweight and my doctor made me feel horrible about it. Then I gained very little weight for the first two trimesters and she worried that I wasn’t gaining enough! I ended up gaining about 25lbs. I really think every body (within reason) gains what it needs to gain and I wish doctors would stop obsessing.
It’s very interesting that she is so concerned about it. It’s not like you’re overweight. And even if you end up being 10-15 lbs overweight at the end of childbirth (as most of us are) why is that such a concern. Especially being sick, she should be more concerned about eating that restricting. I think you should ask her why it’s such an issue. Anyways, that’s my two bits.
Dang skinny Dr.s!!!
I gained 40+ with my first pregnancy and my docs (family or OB) never once mentioned weight – I brought it up to see if I was doing okay and my OB just shrugged and said you’re fine. Fortunately I lost it all. Now I’m four weeks away from the due date of number 2 and I haven’t gained as much as with number 1…yet. It is what it is. I find it simply too hard to worry about weight and eating and exercise with a 2 1/2 year old and a life and HORMONES!! Lousy hormones I’ll deal with my body after, although I don’t feel I’ve gone overboard with being lax. I want a healthy baby and am mostly trying to survive the 40 weeks, so if this is what it take…so be it. Since you were the same with your first two and basically lost the weight, I don’t get the concern with this one. It might not hurt to bring it up to your doc if you’re comfortable doing that.
this is exactly the type of story that makes me shake my head and praise the knowledge, tact and general care you get under midwives. it’s not about numbers (mostly…there _are_ some numbers of course). in my experience, midwives look at the whole body, doctors don’t care about the body, just the numbers.
IMO she made a nasty comment and i’d hate to see her bedside manner in real life. good luck with everything!
I ended up the same weight at the end of both of my pregnancies – 43lbs up! My midwives were OK with it and near the end of the pregnancy didn’t even ask me to weigh myself. Although it was hard to lose the weight once your babies are no longer babies you get your life back and can focus on that last 10lbs. If I were you I would mention it if it really bothers you, otherwise just let it roll and eat another chocolate bar. You’re bound to feel better 😉
I think you should talk to your dr a little bit about the statistics of women who have poor body image, and some of the negative results from that… sure she’s concerned about your physical health, but she also needs to be sensitive toward your mental health. Comments like hers hurt, even if a person can joke about them and laugh them off, which you are so gracious to do. I think she could be more professional about her comments, even if she has known you a long time. My mom always told me,
“if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”
First kid I gained 55. Second kid I gained 50. I don’t tend to be a lightweight anyway, so that kind of weight gain made me resemble a small mountain. For me, 150 is skinny. As in, if I get there, I’m a size 6. So going over the 200 mark each pregnancy? Yeah…so not fun.
I’m 33 weeks right now with my third, and have only gained 20 lbs so far. But. Because I started out heavier, my very old school OB is appalled at what I weight right now.
(And I totally gained 5 lbs in the last 2 weeks so when I go to the doc tomorrow he’s gonna yell at me. But whatever…I’ll probably just cry and make him feel really bad.)
I started each of my pregnancies a few pounds heavier than the previous one but ended up at the same weight at the end. All you can do is eat healthy and your body will do what it has to to nourish your growing baby. Some bodies gain alot early and that is ok. I am surprised she said that to you and if it is really bothering you, as it appears to be, I think you should say something. Once your childbearing time is done you will get back to your svelte self!! Be healthy and enjoy this pregnancy (in case it is your last).
I am a total anomaly because I actually LOSE weight when I’m pregnant. (thank the 20 weeks of throwing up everything I eat) However, I had midwives, and we weighed ourselves and charted it ourselves. The midwives of course were watching my weight because of the loss, but my friends who were gaining weight never had anything said to them either.
I’d absolutely tell her how you feel.
I work for a large group of doctors (OB/GYN’s, to be exact, with some Family Practice thrown in for good measure), and I’ve never heard them, or heard OF them mentioning anyone’s weight. Like, EVER.
Based on this, I thought that doctors closely monitoring a patient’s weigh while pregnant was a thing of the past… There is a VERY wide range of “normal” weight gain during pregnancy, and one person can healthily gain 60 lbs while pregnant while another only needs to gain 25. I’ve NEVER heard of anyone only gaining 10-15- that’s seems INSANE.
I’m not sure if I’d mention it or not. In your situation she is the “boss”… or at least the “expert”, so no matter how educated you are on the topic, she can justify her comments because she has a PhD and you don’t.
Just listen to your body and ignore her. And if your attachment to her isn’t *too* strong, I’d switch to another dr.
I had midwives, and they never said word one about my weight, which was nice, because I gained about 40 pounds with each child! I remember going to the chiropractor at 20 wks and she asked me how much weight I gained…I said “25 pounds” and she said “good girl!”. LOVE.
I gained 40 and no one said anything at all. I say you mention it to her. Can you email her? I think that might be easier on both of you. =)
My doctor was wonderful, supportive, encouraging. I gained 36 pounds, and she never once made me feel badly for it. Everyone else, though, THEY made me feel like a bison.
I definitely think you should tell her to lay off the fat jokes whilst you’re preggers. You know your body and some people just don’t go through pregnancy “lightly”. I am also one of those people, so i know how you feel. I don’t fit in with the charts at the doctor’s offices. I recently gave birth to my 3rd child and I had a midwife who was AWESOME. So awesome that she didn’t even weigh me at my postpartum visit because she said i looked great. That’s the kinda input you need…and you DO look great! Your body will do what it needs to do for your pregnancy and then you’ll do what it takes to get it back down to a manageable size. I think you’re beautiful and you have a great body, so don’t worry. And congrats on the new little bean!
I gained 50lbs during my pregnancy, started out at 100. I gained half myself! My doctor didn’t say a word. He also predicted that my son would be tiny. Well once I went into labour I had to have an emergency c-section because my son turned out to be so big he couldn’t get out. When they finally got him out the nurse yelled from behind the screen, “You gained 50lbs?! Are you sure you didn’t have Gestational diabetes?! He’s huge!” I’m sure she forgot to add “And so are you!”
I think you should mention to your doctor how you gain the same amount with every pregnancy and that everything turned out fine and then don’t worry about it. Obviously your body knows what it’s doing by now and knows what it needs to eat to produce beutiful healthy babies!