The other night I was picking my children up from rehearsal (insert a bragging moment here – they are in a musical production) when I ran into one of the other moms who I thought was texting. She smiled at me said hello and then informed me that she was just reading her daughter’s text messages and then proceeded to tell me how crazy and stupid they were, and how the language kids use in their text messages is so strange.
This really got me thinking about the issue of parents reading their children’s emails and text messages. Maybe I am warped and I know many of you will disagree, but I think it is wrong, and really an invasion of our children’s privacy. Let’s take a minute to think back to when we were younger and didn’t have this type of technology and all we did was talk on the phone. Did our parents stand beside us listening to our conversations? Did they pick up another phone extension and listen in? Probably not, so why is it okay for us to read our children’s personal messages just because they are written?
I understand that in this day and age things are different. Both my older children have cell phones that are pay as you go (I refuse to give them contract phones but that I will save for another post) they have email and they have facebook accounts. I have their passwords for everything so if need be I can access their accounts. They have to friend me on facebook and this allows me the opportunity to read status updates and conversations if I want. They never once questioned it or fought it, but accept it as my parental right, but I certainly don’t feel the need to go snooping or abusing their trust of me.
That all said if I suspected something was wrong or knew of a situation then I would talk to my child first about it. If that got me nowhere then maybe I would start reading but I think I would need to have some sort of other concrete evidence to justify it.
Bottom line is I trust my children and I think it’s sad that so many parents don’t. Last year my oldest daughter received an email from a classmate that said some pretty nasty things about another child in the class. My daughter forwarded it to another classmate and within 5 minutes of doing so realized what she had done and felt so bad about it so she came and told me right away. I am no different than every other parent out there but I am fortunate in that my children are not afraid to talk to me and have told me many things that maybe some other children would be unable to tell their parents.
So where do we draw the line? If it’s okay to read text messages and emails then do we now have the right to read personal journals and diary’s?
I hope I am not the only one who feels this way, but what about you? Do read your children’s text messages and emails? If you do what are your reasons?
Until next time
Chantel, momof8crazymonkeys
Rachael I can’t even imagine how that must have been for you. My older brother had issues with alcohol and drugs when I was about 13 years old so I saw how it can effect a person and the family, however that was from a child’s point of view, not as a parent.
As mentioned in my post if there is a reason for me to believe there is a need to intervene then I would. Parents instincts usually prove to be correct as your were and thankfully by the sounds of it, you have been able to steer your children towards another path.
My two oldest are in middle school but it is shocking how much goes on. My oldest has already been exposed to being asked if she wanted to try some drugs (weed) but she told me and also mentioned that kids who do drugs are not cool but kids who have issues and need help. Hopefully her attitude continues as she enters High school next year:)
MY one son is also on heavy duty medication and one is Ritalin – a popular drug in middle schools and High schools so like you I have in under lock and key.
I totally agree as well that children are not entirely innocent – some just need more help to make the right decisions than others.
Thanks so much for telling me your story, I appreciate it.
I never read texts until i had to. Kids deal drugs on facebook and through texts. Don’t think your child has not been asked or presented the option at least. You’d be utterly shocked. A lot of kids cannot handle it and with one of mine, texting nearly lead to a disaster. Thank God I intervened and we had a chance to explore the root of the symptom. Go through a year that I’ve had and you will feel no guilt only thankfulness than you followed your instincts and avoided big trouble. Trust your teenagers? That’s what they are counting on. I have two honor students but noticed medication that I had at one time was gone. i have no idea where it went but everything is under lock and key. My oldest was a piece of cake. But entirely innocent? Nope. He just never did enough bad stuff to inspire me to dig further.
Hi Hayley you are bang on! It is the other children that I don’t necessarily trust.
Hi Chantel,
3 out of 4 of my kids are in their early teens (13, 14, & 15). They all have cell phones, email accounts, facebook accounts and a few other accounts (twitter, formspring etc.). I have never read their messages, emails etc, BUT I do reserve the right to do so at any time for any reason. Do I trust my kids? – YES, most definitely! Do I trust everyone my kids come in contact with? – NO, absolutely not! I believe my kids deserve my trust and the right to privacy until they don’t…it’s that simple 🙂
Thanks – I have been shocked at the number of parents who just randomly read their children’s personal messages! As for my children – well I have a few who like your daughter like reading behind my shoulder while I am writing emails or blog posts – drives me nuts LOL! Maybe there should be a new term – CLOMS – child looking over moms shoulder!
I’m with you, Chantel. I don’t read my daughter’s texts, but I trust that if/when something is unusual she will tell me. I hate when my younger daughter borrows my phone (to play games) and then goes through and reads MY texts and asks “Mommy, why did Valerie say ‘see you tomorrow'”, etc. There is nothing illicit or secret in my texts, but it is really an invasion of my privacy to have her snooping through it!
Like your kids, my older daughter knows that if I am ever concerned I reserve the right to look through her texts, and similarly I am her friend on facebook AND I have her password so I could monitor her use. So far, I haven’t needed to. But it’s a condition of her having the technology (she’s only 11, after all).