The old adage “it takes a village to raise a child” isn’t as true for everyone as it used to be.
City living, busy work schedules, over-planned children’s activities, and the underlying notion that we need to be busy in order to be important all contribute to a tired isolation for many parents. So many of us and our families are entirely independent and don’t have a support network to draw on when we need it.
I am lucky to not fit the description above, and for that I am so thankful. Perhaps it’s the smaller city we live in, but there is a true sense of community that surrounds us and I don’t take it for granted. My husband’s parents live in town and often invite us over for dinner or take the girls for an afternoon at the park. I have a cluster of dear girlfriends who have watched my kids when I’m in a bind, have swept my kitchen floor, have brought me supper when I had a new baby, have listened to me cry about how tough it is to be a mom sometimes, have gone out for bellinis with me on my birthday, and have raised their children alongside my own. I know their presence in my life has kept me sane and happy and I don’t know where I’d be without my village.
Do you have a village? Or do you feel like you’re alone in your parenting journey?
We definitely have a village and I could not be more grateful for them all. My husband has been in and out of hospital for the last two weeks – the worst of it coming on halloween when he was rushed to ER due to a reaction to meds he is on.
My village? Like magic, appeared with halloween costumes, took my 4 kids (1 with special medical needs) to get pumpkins and then helped them carve them, took them trick or treating. Took them to their hockey games, lessons, meetings. Took them on a minute’s notice so we could do last minute drs appointments and absolutely did not flinch at taking over my daugther’s medical care on the fly. Organized 2 weeks worth of dinners delivered warm at 5:30 every day. Brought me chocolate, tea, magazines, knitting, and change to get me out of the hospital parking lot. Sent out emails, made phone calls, ran errands, took over MY volunteer work. Walked my dog, raked my yard, returned my library books. Checked on me every. single. day. to find ways to help and support us.
Held my hand, lent me a shoulder, let me cry, gave me hugs, gave me strength, held us together through it all.
My kids – they had a blast. They were so gently and sweetly cared for, so loved through this all that they sailed through what was a stressful and could have been a scary time, knowing they were safe in a community.
I could not repay their kindness in a lifetime.
But I am going to try.
I was actually just talking to someone about this last night. We definitely have a village where we live. We are so blessed to be living where we do. We live at a bible camp with 4 other families (and a few singles). Last night I was telling a friend that my kids went out and I wasn’t sure where they were at that moment (including my 2 year old), but I wasn’t in the least bit worried either. I knew that no matter where they were on the camp grounds they were going to be taken care of. If my kids need correction or help when I’m not around, someone will correct or help them. I know this because I’ve heard/seen this. I love it. I love that my kids are being reinforced in our rules all around them. In this, they’ll learn that it’s not just “Mom & Dad” saying that we shouldn’t do this or that, but it’s not acceptable else where either. The people at the camp will take the time to teach my kids (whether it be appropriate behavior, God’s truth, or how to play a game) and not just correct them when they’re wrong, or judge them for being wrong. We also have lot’s of family around. We’re not as close to them as we used to be (in location), but we still see them every week. My parents, grandparents, sisters, In-laws and brother/sister-in-law all live within 90min from our house. We see them once a week minimum. So we have family in our “village” also. God has blessed us abundantly in this area for sure.
oh, its so true. Our society has lots so much because children have only parents to rely on, not a whole village. While growing up I was lucky enough to have 2 sets of grandparents contributing to my upbringing. I think this was really instrumental to me becoming who I am today. My child, a 16 month old cutie pie like no other, is also lucky enough to have people outside of mom and dad to play, read and otherwise contribute to her upbringing. It really has a lot to do with how much you like your parents. Mine live down the street. I see them almost every day, and though I have my days when I wish my mother would not come over, I’m eternally grateful that she’s always here, catching me when I’m about to fall. Only now its not for a boy, or a class or a job, now its in bringing up a new little life.
so yes, a village is necessary, for everyone’s sake.
Thank-God my children don’t have just a mother, just parents, or even just a village. They have an entire CITY. It’s awesome. We’re blessed.
I would love it if a village actually offered to help me raise my child. I don’t feel that city living, working out of the home or activities effect that.. What I need is for someone (Family, friend) to actually come over, do it and do it without me begging and having to host them. Instead of half ass offers to one day watch my child, actually do it! Plan it! Come over and help! I would love that person endlessly!
In my experience, I did have some help from my sister when my boy was a fresh newborn. That was fantastic. However, friends with casseroles did not pop out of the wood work. Instead they would pop over and expect me to make them coffee while I was still trying to figure out the breastfeeding a semi premie newborn. I would end up apologizing for my lack of hostessing skills and they would just nod. What the?!
It’s not all bad, we can bring my boy to families house for extended visits while we holiday as a couple sans toddler. It is the daily life stuff that I could really use a little support with. Especially if my child ever wants a sibling!
I’m a village person. It’s the only way I could do it. I have the greatest friends and family. My local coffee shop became my salvation when I first had my son – it’s since produced Will’s favourite babysitter, an awesome mechanic, a date for awhile, and a solid group of people who greet my kid like he’s Norm from Cheers.
No village…..we moved to a small town really hoping for it but found a bunch of incredibly nosy gossips. I would never feel comfortable asking my new “friends” for help because I have heard the gossip spread against others. I struggle with doing it all by ourselves or taking people up on their offers of “help” knowing that my shortfalls will be the hot topic at the next coffee klatch. I need a new village 🙁
Thankfully a village!
My family sees my kids almost every day. Family suppers once a week. Good friends that I’ve known for life. Great neighbours.
The biggest complaint I’ve heard from friends who moved away after high school is that the big cities and different places were great before children. However, they all long to be home now. Makes me glad that I stayed put!
Definitely a village here. Small town. Family dinners every Sunday. My parents and in-laws are all within a 5 minute drive from us.
A neighbourhood that knows my kids. A small little school where everybody knows everybody. You really need to allot an extra 30 minutes or so for grocery shopping to allow for bump-ins and conversations with friends that you’ll meet in the aisles.
It’s a lovely place to live and a safe, secure place for us to be raising our family.
I’m pretty much it for my kids. My mom works more than a 40 hour week, and lives 40 minutes away, and my husband’s mom and family who live in my town are hugely uninterested in spending quality time with my kids between family gatherings. I’m happy for you that you’ve got people that you can share your journey with!
I don’t so much have a village right now, not even any other family in town. It sucks. Hubby and I have been craving for it and are looking forward to see what kind of village we’ll end up in. It’s very hard to find such a village in a bigger city. I used to think I was lonely living in Prince Rupert. The pickins for friends were slim, no doubt. But we find it’s even lonelier in the Lower Mainland, and it’s so easy to just hermit ourselves here. It’s not good. I love hearing about your village, and hope to be a part of something like that some day.