Have you ever heard that one? It’s loosely taken from the Myers-Brigg’s Typology “prayer”. I am an ENFP type according to the famous Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (arguably the most famous and most common personality typing tool in the world). People who know me well won’t be surprised to learn this, but ENFPs are known for being:
initiators of change, keenly perceptive of possibilities. They energize and stimulate others through their contagious enthusiasm. They prefer the start-up phase of a project or relationship, and are tireless in the pursuit of new-found interests. ENFPs are able to anticipate the needs of others and to offer them needed help and appreciation. They bring zest, joy, liveliness, and fun to all aspects of their lives. They are at their best in situations that are fluid and changing, and that allow them to express their creativity and use their charisma. They tend to idealize people, and can be disappointed when reality fails to fulfill their expectations. They are easily frustrated if a project requires a great deal of follow-up or attention to detail.
In other words, we can be really annoying to people who place a great deal of emphasis on detail, accuracy, punctuality and follow-through. I’ve been called scatter-brained, inattentive, “out there” and even disrespectful. On the other hand, I’ve also been called creative, enthusiastic, empathetic and even visionary. It’s who I am and — true to my nature — I prefer to focus on the positive aspects of my temperament.
ENFP: “God, help me to keep my mind on one th — Look a bird! — ing at a time.”
Okay, back on track now. Some of you may remember that I’ve been struggling with trying to figure out what might be causing the difficult behaviour my nine year-old daughter has been exhibiting on and off for the last three years. Well, we’re still on the merry-go-round of Pediatricians, Psychologists, Psychiatrists and Social Workers. We’ve been told (by a medical professional) that it’s a “parent-child relational problem” (which, by the way, is code for “all your fault”). We’ve been told that we’re intelligent, caring parents who are willing to set boundaries and try new approaches and maybe there’s something more going on here. We’ve been asked to have our daughter assessed for ADHD.
ADHD-PI is different from the other subtypes of ADHD in that it is characterized primarily by inattention, easy distractibility, disorganization, procrastination, forgetfulness, and lethargy (fatigue), but with less or none of the symptoms of hyperactivity or impulsiveness typical of the other ADHD subtypes.
Ummm…yeah. That sounds slightly (heavy sarcasm) familiar. It also sounds like my daughter, who doesn’t act out in any of the “typical” ADHD ways at school, but is a lot more like this:
The more intelligent inattentive children may realize on some level that they are somehow different internally from their peers; however, they are unfortunately also likely to accept and internalize the continuous negative feedback, creating a negative self-image that becomes self-reinforcing.
So, anyway, perhaps we are one step closer to figuring out this issue, and therefore one step closer to getting help. But the thought that this all may be some kind of genetic legacy from me is a little bit painful and guilt-inducing. How many times did adults tell me how much more successful I could be if I would only “apply myself” more. I’ll tell you: so many times that it became a near-permanent part of my psyche, and I began to see myself as lazy and unable to follow-through; a vessel of wasted potential. The scariest part is that I’ve been tempted to say the same thing to my daughter. As an adult, I’ve learned some strategies to overcome the less tenacious aspects of my personality, and I can actually finish most things I start these days. I see my daughter: so smart, so creative, so … able. But she drops things mid-stream, losing interest and moving on. And I want to teach her how to follow-through; how to re-read her stories and make sure they’re properly punctuated and capitalized because this world we live in is one that values the finished project more than the creative beginning. This world expects us to finish what we started before we pick up something new, and that — I know better than anyone — is a really, really hard thing for some of us to do, whether you call it being ENFP or ADHD-PI.
Hi Cynthia: sorry for the late reply (you know, distracted and all that) – if you want to touch base with me personally feel free to email me at kat@thisiskat.com – I’d love to chat. K
Hello ENFP’s – I’m ISFJ 😉 Heehee
I would also recommend you guys check out the Kolbe profile. This measures your “natural instinct” to do things. Slightly different than Myers Briggs which is more personality based. Very cool – and for me personally, it was very freeing to realize I’m great the way I get things done. I already have a feeling on the results for Kath & Jen – if you choose to do it I would love to know your results!
http://www.kolbe.com
And just wanted to add that it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round!
Amazingly great post!
I like understanding my own personality as it gives me a broader perspective of myself making it possible to relate to others well. I am an ENFP type as well and is just lovin it!
It’s just funny how I always find myself preoccupied with a lot of things because almost everything interests me. It can somehow be stressful to be ENFP type but it surely is fun!
Wow. You know, this is such a timely post, Kath. For a number of reasons.
I’m also an ENFP. And while I did the test a long while ago, I have forgotten much of the detail and you’ve piqued my interest in going back to it as I’m going through some self-esteem issues these days. I’ve never had the connection to ADHD (or ADD) pointed out to me, although I’ve always been told I’m “too much a generalist” and “can’t stick with things”. Things I’ve come to view as negatives.
My daughter (7 years old) is starting to have issues with attention and follow-through. I have only just begun to consider what to do about addressing that and you’ve highlighted what I should definitely look into.
Hmmm…I wish I could have a chat with you directly to talk about all of this and what you have learned/experienced as you’ve gone through this with your daughter.
Hmm. I’ve never done the test so I don’t know my type but my curiosity is piqued. Is it a useful tool?
Kath – Gabor Mate has written a very interesting book about ADHD called “Scattered Minds: , his perspective on healing is very holistic and not drug centric.
Jen, I’m curious about the relationship dynamic you are referring to. What do you mean? What part of the dynamic could cause problems? Are there patterns we get into in relating that a negative? How can we recognize them?
Kath – I am an ENFP too and can totally relate! I get distracted, hate detail, get bored easily, etc. I have also been described with some of the same words. What I do know is that although you struggle to focus on one thing you are the single most brilliant person I know. I see a lot of you but also of me as a child in your daughter and agree that there must be some genetic legacy there. Keep trying to get answers but also don’t be afraid to take the feedback about your relationship. Having been through something years ago with my son I know that even when you don’t mean to the dynamic of your relationship with your child can exacerbate or even create problems inadvertently. It could be the key to a solution.
And imagine all of the birds or stories or side conversations we would have missed if we weren’t like that!