Maybe it’s a stereotype, but many of the women I know seem to have an elaborate, well planned and thorough idea of what the key ‘first moments’ in their life are going to be like.
I think it starts with the first crush, then the first kiss, then prom, and then the timeline gets a little blurry depending on your personal beliefs.
In there somewhere is the first “intimate” moment, the fairytale wedding and of course, the first kid and the starting of a family.
While I can only truly speak for myself, I’m going to generalize on behalf on my gender because, quite frankly, I have the forum to do so and there’s no one to stop me!
<insert evil laugh here>
Unlike many of the women I know, I don’t think guys get caught up with too many of these firsts… well, ok, there is one first we likely dwell on more than others, but for the most part we don’t visualize our fairytale wedding like we visualize scoring the big goal in the big game (another mass generalization).
Based on my incredible assumption and generalization that men don’t fantasize and women do, I recently found myself wondering who’s got it right.
The fantasizers, who create an elaborate vision of future events for themselves and spend vast amounts of time trying to achieve that ideal, only to be at least partly disapointed when it doesn’t turn out as planned?
Or the non-fantasizers, who missed out on the excitement that comes with pre-living a moment over and over in their minds, but who might get more than they expected simply because they never bothered to create a version of their ideal?
At this point, you might be asking yourself why all this came to my mind and what it has to do with being a Dad. Oh you, ever impatient. Allow me to explain.
I recently came across a photo of myself and Pea on the day we brought her home from the hospital. I remember that photo very well because it was the fulfillment of the only real Daddy-related fantasy I had throughout my life.
As you can see by the photo, Pea and I are asleep on the couch together. I don’t know why, but whenever I thought about being a Dad this was the image that came to mind. Me and my little one taking a nap together.
Whenever I see this photo, I think of that day and remember how great it felt to realize that fantasy. And in many ways, it makes me wonder what other fantasies I could have realized had I only dared to dream a little more often.
All this to say, the fantasizers got it right.
I’m with Jen. Seeing your dreams fulfilled gives one a great sense of pride and accomplishment. Knowing when to let go is important too.
I believe the greatest moments are always a surprise…totally unexpected and magical.
I think the fantasizers have it right as long as they aren’t too attached to those dreams. I thought a lot about my future but not everything happened as I dreamed it would. But although there was pleasure in the dreaming, the real deal is even better.