What’s wrong with Daddy’s Little Girl?
I love my daughter. I talk about her. A lot. Maybe too much. I try to spend as much time with her as possible and when I’m not at work there is no where I would rather be than hanging with her and my wife.
Pea, in return, seems to enjoy spending time with me. When I get home she rushes towards me for a big hug (provided nothing shiny distracts her on the way). When we go out and she feels overwhelmed, she usually looks for me to pick her up and guard her from the unknown.
Sounds like a pretty healthy relationship between a Dad and his daughter if you ask me.
Well, sometimes I wonder.
More often than not, when I talk to people about Pea, I get the same reaction… a Cheshire Cat grin forms on their lips, they raise an eyebrow or two and speak the words I am beginning to loathe… sounds like she’s Daddy’s Little Girl.
It’s not the term that bothers me. It’s the connotation. The implication. That having a daughter who likes to spend time with you, and who seems to be emotionally fond of you as a father, is somehow bad or an ominous sign of things to come. That somehow being close to your daughter means she will be spoiled and undisciplined as she grows up. The ‘wrapped around her finger’ phenomenon.
Here’s what I know. Experts have said that a close relationship between a father and his daughter has nothing but a positive impact on her development. A close bond in childhood and throughout adolescence will help the child grow up with a positive image of self and she will experience less depressive moods and tendencies.
Now, does being emotionally close to your daughter mean you will let her run roughshod over you, your rules and your household? No. In fact, I would argue that a closer bond will allow Father and Daughter to communicate better and find resolutions to problems with greater ease.
So, is my daughter going to grow up as Daddy’s Little Girl? Unequivocally, yes. Damn right in fact!
As I see it, I wouldn’t be doing my job otherwise.
Oh, people love the stupid cliches don’t they? I agree with your thoughts whole-heartedly. And Anne’s note about adolescence is so true, but challenging for many fathers I think.
At home I’m the third wheel when my hubby and daughter are there together…which isn’t often as she works weird hours. I try very hard to ensure thier relationship remains strong and close.
I lost my Dad 22 years ago…I miss him every day. Life throws you curveballs, so you have to make the most of every opportunity.
Love Pea to bits.
Great advice on giving praise when praise is due Erin. Truth be told, I’m a little guilty of overpraising at this point… but I am getting better at toning down the hoorahs for everyday stuff. When she was learning to walk, for example, I was a regular cheering gallery! Now that it’s commonplace, I don’t follow her and cheer as she goes from room to room. At least not out loud.
My daughter is also Daddy’s Little Girl, quite frankly as soon as her Dad walks into the room I might as well drop off the face of the planet, she wouldn’t even notice! I think it is wonderful to see the relationship my husband has with her, and it makes me love him even more. And, in my humble and non-expert opinion, the way she is loved by her Father will set the standard for the partner she chooses later in life. She will expect to be loved as completely as her Daddy loves her, and I couldn’t wish her anything better in life than to find that kind of love. Be proud that you are giving her such a wonderful gift!
Great post Shawn! This from a proud daddy’s little girl (I’m 32!) who wouldn’t have it any other way.
Shawn,
I agree with you and the PPs. My husband has a very loving and close relationship with all four of his daughters (two almost grown, two 3 year olds) and they are great young women (and little girls).
One think I would add is be wary of overpraising. Yes praise, but for true achievements, not daily tasks. Barbara Coloroso and Alfie Kohn write a lot about creating “praise junkies”, kids who do everything for extrinsic motivations (praise, rewards, to avoid punishment), rather than intrinsic reasons.
Great point Anne… I read that exact same fact, that most men seem to pull away from their adolescent girls just as they begin to need them the most… someone of the opposite sex to reassure them that what they are going through doesn’t mean they are less special. In fact, just the opposite is needed for them to feel secure in the changes they are experiencing. Thanks for reading (and happy birthday in advance!).
You are right about the experts and right to follow your instincts. Remember when she gets older to keep hugging her. Too often father’s let that go when adolescence arrives. Exactly when daughter’s need to feel loved the most.
My dad was always the one we went to when we were sick or sad. There was just something about him that made him more approachable.
Someone told me once… “Dad’s are fun. Moms are fundamental.” I wonder if as Moms we are usually too concerned with clean clothes and balanced menus to fully appreciate the value of that perfect hug.
BTW I still hug my dad… and I’m going to be 45 in January!
Good post! I’m enjoying your blog 🙂
You are lucky, she is lucky. ‘Nuf said.