I feel nothing right now.
I have become comfortably numb.
Not totally numb. I feel love for my girls. I still get frustrated sometimes about their behaviour, or the mess in my house.
But as for the the tough stuff, like my dad’s death, my renter backing out, and our precarious finances, it’s like none of it exists. I’m fine. Totally fine.
Denial. Repression. It’s quite bizarre. Almost like I’m outside of myself, watching and analyzing.
Should I be worried? I don’t know, probably. I’m assuming it’s a temporary coping mechanism to prevent psychological overload (see how analytical I am about it).
I’ve read Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s book, On Death and Dying. She says the first stage of grief if denial. But that’s for the dying, not the surviving. I can’t deny his death. His ashes are on my dresser right now. I saw him dead. I felt his cold forehead when I kissed him goodbye. I know he is dead.
So what is going on here? Maybe it’s time to find a good therapist.
It is said that in therapy “things are said and felt that might otherwise go unsaid/unfelt” – I think this is very true. Go check it out Erin- but interview a few people first- you need to have chemistry with this person.
Hard times, indulge in a little help- xoxoxo
I agree with Jen 1000% – I think it’s our mind letting us ease into it. It would be too much to bear if we could accept it all right away. I found the Kubler-Ross book really helpful – but in hindsight…it is like baby books…we really know everything already. Let it happen as it does…and a therapist is always good in my humble opinion!
The Kubler-Ross “stages of grief” theory has been criticized recently. Wikipedia says: “The extensive work of George Bonanno has shown that the stages model of grief has no scientific basis.[3][4] A 2000–2003 study of bereaved individuals conducted by Yale University obtained some findings that were consistent with the five-stage theory and others that were inconsistent with it. Several letters were also published in the same journal criticizing this research and arguing against the stage idea.[5] Skeptic Magazine published the findings of the Grief Recovery Institute, which contested the concept of stages of grief as they relate to people who are dealing with the deaths of people important to them.”
So feel free to ignore that book if it doesn’t seem to be helpful for you at the moment. Don’t tell yourself that you “should” feel like this or like that. A lot of people say that everyone grieves differently, so that you will follow your own path emotionally, and may need different things at different times.
You are strong, and wise, and you will be okay. As with many hard things, take it one step at a time. And ask for help if you want or need it. {Hugs} for you and your family.
Oh Erin
Please get some support. I agree it is probably a coping mechanism and that’s a good thing. But I think it is smart to recognize it will get harder before it gets easier again and now is a great time to line up your supports.
Big hugs to you and the girls.
Karen
I think that your mind does this so you can cope. It will slowly start to seep in and gradually you will deal with things as they bubble to the surface. But finding a good therapist can definitely help you along the way!
xo Love you lots.
Oh Erin, I can’t imagine how things must be on your end these days… you might be right about a therapist though, lady. It’s important to discuss what’s happening inside your melon, and get it exercised, at the very least. Find someone you like, and get talking.
In the meantime, I’m sending you virtual hugs. Lots and lots of them. xoxoxoxo