You know those times in life when everything is just…hard? When you’re down in the dumps and it looks like one hell of a long and smelly climb back out? You have moments when you rail at the dump you find yourself in, shaking one clenched fist at the sky in indignation, voice raised in a roar of anger. And then you have moments when you say, hell, if I’m stuck in the dumps, I might as well get something out of it, and you find a moldy old couch someone threw out and you lie down and watch the clouds roll by way up there in that faraway sky, and you think, there. That’s better. At least now I’m not expending energy uselessly.
Yeah, that would be me these days. Except I’m not lazing around cloud-gazing on a discarded sofa: I’m stuffing myself with horribly junky but oh-so-comforting food.
Every morning I wake up and I say to myself, “Self, you don’t need to eat for comfort! You are awesome! You’re smart! Funny! Creative! You can turn your hand to pretty much anything and do a decent job of it. At some things, you even excel. So come on, self! Buck up! Cheer up! You don’t need that chocolate to make you feel better!”
And it’s so motivating, you know, being your own cheerleader. I get all geared up and I make plans and goals and promises to myself. And, if I’m lucky, it lasts until 3:00 or 4:00 p.m. Other days (today, for instance) it only lasts until 1:00, and then I’m peeling the purple, red and yellow foil of that sweet little egg of feel-good creme.
And I’m not (really I’m not) writing this post so that dozens of people out there will feel sorry for me and write comments about how much they like me and how great I am. Really. No, I’m actually writing it for all the other people out there who are also in the dumps, and also filling their days and their tummies with nasty food that somehow makes them feel better. I’m writing this to say a big, loud fist-shaking HEY! You’re not alone.
Look, I know everyone goes through tough times, and I know there are people out there going through much tougher times than me, too. And I know my cloud-watching couch sojourn down here in the dumps is more than a little self-indulgent. I get that. But it’s just – sometimes it’s so difficult as mothers and wives (and hell, I’ll say it: as women) for us to find ways to do things for ourselves that we mistake treating ourselves well with just treating ourselves.
I don’t know when I’m going to get my “get out of the dumps” card, but I suspect it’s not going to be for a little while yet. And until I draw that card (or get up the gumption to climb out all on my own) I guess I’ll continue my morning self-talk, and I’ll probably also continue to indulge in a little edible therapy, too. And if you want to join me, then welcome. Just remember to pick up your wrappers when you’re done, will you? I’ve got enough to do around this place without cleaning up after you, too.
I hear you sister!
Still trying to loose the 20 pounds I put back on my body when my Mom was sick. I totally do this… ate 2 killer brownies from Longo’s yesterday. Very Bad!
I totally do this to. Really, the only way to change this is to deal with what is causing it. I know it is hard. You need to take care of yourself and keep moving forward. Even baby steps. Pull yourself out of that dump one step at a time.
Yes, I LOVE comfort food but what I do is I cut my Mars Bar in half! If I am still craving something sweet I have half a apple and some Chia tea so far that works for me I haven,t gained any weight, as for the other half of Mars bar I put in in the fridge, yes you read right that way it takes longer to chew your favorite treat and it helps kill your craves (:
Loved this post– thanks! So true. Why can’t we eat for comfort once in a while without all that guilt?? I too remember the EASTER cream eggs and remember that bunny that would say “only til easter!” . Take your time in the dumps. Just don’t lose sight of the fact that you have to get out of them sometime.
Well written Katherine! It IS nice to know that I am not the only one who does this…is doing this right now. But all that junk food WILL make me feel better, right? Wrong. But for that brief moment in time, eating it seems so worth it.
Good luck to you.
I’m joining you. I’ve gained 5 lbs since my daughter brought home her 2 cases of Girl Guide cookies last weekend and I’m feeling like a slug. It’s hard enough creating a week filled with friends, family and dynamic activities for March Break but throw those freaking GG cookies in there (sitting so innocently in the corner of the kitchen) and I’m a write-off.
OK, tomorrow I’ll start climbing. See you at the top (or thereabouts) by the weekend?