Joel and I have been seeing less and less of each other. If he has noticed he hasn’t said anything. He makes small gestures but he is too busy to really follow through. I have been working hard on sorting through the jumble of emotions and information in my head. In many ways I see things more clearly than ever but when I attempt to put the pieces together it gets so confusing and impossible. Dr. C. is my saviour helping me to focus on one thing at a time. The progress is slow but I feel a sense of hope I haven’t had in ages, if ever.
A few days ago the unthinkable happened, my worlds collided. The kids had performed in their spring concert and Joel had told them they could celebrate at any restaurant they desired. They chose a local pizza place with checkered table cloths and the genuine Italian patriarch yelling orders to the kitchen and greeting us warmly as we entered. It was one of our favourite places to go as a family and today, with Joel’s parents along, we were a vision of normalcy.
Is that really how it is? Those families that seem so perfect, who look so loving and lucky and seem to have it all, could they really be like us struggling and sad and alone? My bubble has now burst and I am always suspicious. I attempt to uncover everyone’s unhappiness at a single glance. I often think about this and hope to myself that the world is not as upside down as it seems and that not everyone’s happiness is superficial but that some of those happy families truly do have it all. That it is really possible.
It is when my children start to perform their favourite song from this evening’s show for their adoring fans that I see him. Out of the corner of my eye I see the familiar flick of his hair from behind as he turns around to watch the kids. I look over just in time to see the easy smile on his face turn to sadness as recognition sets in. Our eyes lock and I am frozen. I am unaware of anything else around me. I am incapable of moving or speaking or thinking. But this trance is broken when she leans across the table and gently touches his hand and I realize they are together.
As Jackson moves his hand to fit inside hers and slowly turns back to face her I am numb. But for the moment I am saved as the performance ends and my two babies jump into my lap burying their faces in mock embarrassment as the whole restaurant stands up to applaud. Everyone but one man who sits perfectly still with his back to us as his date stands and cheers.
At first I wasn’t sure what you were writing, but at this moment I understand and agree fully.
Speaking of, Rihanna as usual is getting a lot of grief for her latest video Man Down which features the idea of revenge by women on sexual predators. I say good for her, if women are shown in videos as stronger then that’s fine by me.
is anyone truly buying this serial-anti-harlequinn romance?
really??
the family italian pizza place with checkered table cloths, the hospital fundraiser, the versace dress…. i mean, c’mon!
the worst crime of this blog ISN’T the fact that it’s made-up, but that’s it’s SO BADLY made-up.
If he’ll cheat with you he’ll cheat on you! Integrity and honesty aren’t relative.
all I can say is WOW! your life is like a novel for me, interesting & leaving me wanting more; I cannot imagine for one second that all this is truly happening to you & how scared & alone you must really feel, as much as I yearn for some excitement I don’t think I can handle this emotional roller coaster you’re on, I hope you find some peace within very soon
Is that what he really looks like? So cute.
Anyway, I can just imagine how awkward that was. But really, were you surprised? A man willing to have an affair with a married woman just isn’t worth his salt.