Choosing Motherhood

A Globe and Mail column by Margaret Wente on Saturday almost ruined my Mother’s Day. It started a heated debate between my husband and I that threatened to turn the day decidedly cool. Rather than let that happen, I requested 30 minutes of time to myself, so that I could share with urbanmoms.ca readers what frustrated me about this column.

Wente was writing about “Mommies on strike” and the effect of the low fertility rate on Canadian society. She theorized that the reason women are not having babies is that “for upper-middle income families, the financial disincentives to childbearing have become so high that it’s amazing professional women have any children at all.” That was the line that drew my ire. This argument may resonate in developing countries, but can we really generalize that Canadian women make their childbearing decisions primarily based on financial reasons? Are all Canadian women living their lives ultimately for the financial rewards?

Having children is expensive. In this month of planning and budgeting for three upcoming birthday parties, starting soccer and t-ball, buying costumes for end-of-year choir recitals, shelling out for school fundraisers and various day trips, I know how expensive children can be! However, I don’t begrudge the kids their expenses and wish that instead of celebrating my upcoming tenth wedding anniversary with dinner out (and maybe a movie!), we could be celebrating with two weeks in Nice. Well, I may wish it, but I’m still not begrudging the kids their expenses.

This concept that we choose to have or not have children based on whether it is financially beneficial may be behind the Conservative government’s recent budget bonus of $100 per month per pre-school aged child. Taxpayers without children have been getting their digs in recently, and asking parents what they’ll do with all that extra cash every month. When I return to work in the fall, that $100 a month will cover less than two days of my infant daughter’s daycare costs. I’ll be doing a little better off with my five-year old son…that $100 will cover about four days’ worth of his daycare costs for every 20 days that I work. I think we’re coming closer to understanding one of the many reasons that women in Canada today may be choosing not to have children; a lack of support and forward-thinking from the highest level of government makes that choice a little more difficult.

However, I don’t think it’s as easy as finding one reason why Canadian women are not having children. Just as I don’t think it’s the purely financial reasons that Wente suggests, I also understand that it’s not only the lack of societal support that I’ve hinted at. I have many friends who have postponed having children for very personal reasons, only to find that unfortunately that often leads to a whole different type of low fertility rate.

Ultimately, I don’t have any answers to the low fertility rate problem in Canada. However, I do know that no mother goes into this gig first and foremost with financial planning on her mind. This job is way to emotional, and the rewards far too intangible to choose whether to take it or not based on the salary and pension. That was pointed out to me today on Mother’s Day…my batik butterfly and hand painted jewelry box, along with my handcrafted cards will tide me over for another year. 

Jennifer is an urbanmoms.ca member and mother to 11 month old Rylan, 4 year old Connor, and 6 year old Liam pictured above.  If you would like to contribute a story, please send it to email@urbanmoms.ca.  We’d love to hear from you!