What is IN Cheez Whiz that makes it SO deelicious right now? I haven’t
eaten Cheez Whiz in, like, 25 YEARS. I’m an ORGANIC, WHOLE FOODS FREAK! I mean, I eat LENTILS and KAMUT and SPELT. But, today, I just HAD to have CHEEZ WHIZ.
What’s THAT all about? And, wanna know what’s more? After I ate it? I felt GREAT!
I didn’t feel sick or gross or anything. My tummy’s still buzzing with
pleasure from it….
And, chocolate M&Ms…. Why do I HAVE to have these sugar-laden artificially-coloured pieces of CARP RIGHT NOW!? And, they TOTALLY melt in your hands. TOTALLY!
M&Mmmmmmmmmmmm…!!!
And this sandwich…. Why has a sandwich never tasted SO GOOD?
But, no matter how FABULOUS everything tastes, there’s that dang INDIGESTION again! BURRRRP! OWWWWWWWW!
Here was my night last night; or, the reason my eyes have been BURNING all day:
12am — bedtime.
1:20 — pee.
2:43 — pee.
3:56 — pee.
4:28 — numbers on digital alarm clock are moving in circles. Is that a sign of gestational diabetes? Oh, wait…. It’s Friday. "JOSH, wake up! I don’t have gestational diabetes. It’s Friday, and they never called after the test! She said they’d call this week if there was a problem. I don’t have gestational diabetes! I don’t have gestational diabetes!" Must have muffin tomorrow. Pee.
5:44 — pee. Minden attacks me with kisses. Sloppy puppy kisses. Can’t. Get. Him. OFF. Me. Ew! I think his tongue touched my mouth. Why does he always go for the mouth. Are my nose and chin and forehead not enough for him? Been trying to get his tongue away from me for, like, 20 minutes. Pee.
6:30 — pee.
7:29 — freaking pee. monkey wakes up from the elephant-like sound of my walking from bedroom to washroom. change her diaper. bring her to my room. sleep is OVAH. Fabo nighto.
Minden and I are now NOT on speaking terms after last night’s RIDICULOUS display of affection.
People have been STOPPING me in the STREET to tell me they’ve SEEN THE COMMERCIAL for this blog! How cool is that! Have you seen it?!?
When we did the photoshoot for the commercial, we tried to cover a range of emotions — as displayed on the Urbanmoms.ca homepage: love, joy, awe! But, they forgot FEAR!!!! So, I’m adding this photo to the mix:
I know. NOT a good hair day. But, it is what it is. Anyway, you KNOW when I’m having an anxiety attack because I look exactly like this! And, I can look like this for HOURS. Omigosh, did I have too much cheez whiz? How much caffeine is in M&Ms? What’s up (or down) with my butt? How am I going to survive this summer? Where are my feet? WHERE ARE MY FEET!!!??? WHAT’S HAPPENING TO MY BELLY BUTTON!!!??
NOBODY TELLS YOU….
Nobody tells you you’ll have to practically SIT on the public toilet seat in order to close the freaking DOOR.
Nobody tells you that those maternity salespeople ARE LYING TO YOU when they tell you you need the SAME SIZE as your pre-pregnancy size. (They’re also lying to you when they tell you the outfit you bought looks beautiful on you, because when you bring it home and REALLY LOOK AT IT, you’ll see that it looks LIKE TOTAL ARSE and you’re too darn tired and sluggish to return it by then.)
Nobody tells you that LABOUR can be a BREEZE compared to pregnancy.
They tell you indigestion burns…. But, nobody tells you HOW MUCH it burns.
Nobody tells you that you’re a FREAKING IDIOT to EVER THINK going through the THIRD TRIMESTER IN THE HOTTEST SUMMER EVAH would be a breeze (cute summer dresses? — umm, NO!).
Nobody tells you that you will wake up in a bed SOAKED with sweat on a regular basis and that you will KICK YOUR HUSBAND PRACTICALLY OFF THE BED IF HE’S EVEN REMOTELY ON YOUR SIDE.
Nobody tells you that, when you actually do sleep, you will SNORE like a VERY FAT OLD MAN….
Nobody tells you how much Canadian Idol will SUCK when you’re pregnant.
FAVOURITE COMMENT THIS WEEK….
Random Lady at Gym (RLG): WOW, when are you due?
Me: September 30th!
RLG: GASP!
Me: Oh, I know, I’m going to be huge.
RLG: Honey, you ARE HUGE! Whoa!
Me: Umm, yeah, thanks. Hee! Erm….
Here I am at 28 weeks! HUGE, indeed!
I need a haircut so badly, it’s not funny. I will NOT go for the new "bob" look — a la Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham. I learned my lesson during my last pregnancy, when I had my hair cut short and it looked TERRIBLE. See nobody tells you NOT TO CUT YOUR HAIR SHORT when you’re pregnant because, guaranteed, YOU WILL HATE IT.
Want more Baby Talk? Check the Discovery Health Channel Canada network (see sidebar for channels and highlights)!!! I’m learning SO MUCH watching it! Especially from…The Baby Whisperer, my new fave baby show!
Want more Cheaty? Check it — at The Cheaty Monkey! (I have a movie rental recommendation, AND I saw Knocked Up Monday evening! And…, don’t be surprised if you see these preggo pics of me there — I can only beg Josh-O to take so many!)
Want celebrity Gossip? Check it — at Cheaty’s Celebrity Gossip!
LOVE!
xo Haley-O
DUDE! YOU TOTALLY FORGOT NO ONE TELLS YOU THAT WHEN YOU ARE PREGNANT YOU WILL DROOL ENOUGH TO WAKE YOURSELF UP FROM A WET PILLOW!
I can’t help but wonder when I see these pics of you and your gorj belly…how the heck do people not know they are pregnant??!! You hear about these women who suddenly go into labour and deliver a baby and never knew they were preggers or these young girls who are able to hide theirs…H.O.W.?? Look at that belly??
Ok, between you and Tanya, I think that my will to have children someday have melt away…
Even if your belly is out there, you don’t seems to have strech mark… I have never been pregnant, and I have some…What is your secret??
apparently I am snoring like a trucker as well. good times. must go eat m&ms now.
For me it was Taco Bell…how disgusting is THAT?! I have not been anywhere near one since so take comfort in your Cheez Whiz now because you won’t need it later.
‘Ziff anyone wears the same size?? I remember looking at my maternity pants and thinking “I will NEVER have to get to the end of the massive adjustable waist. Who gets THAT huge?” Needless to say I couldn’t even do them up by the end.
LOVE the belly pic! Keep ’em coming!
Don’t know what’s up with your cat…too weird. but anyone interupting my sleep gets flung across the room! This AM DH came to say good-bye (he’s now out of town for 2.5 weeks) and my reaction to him was not good. He quickly appologized. Poor guy…he should know better.
re: the peeing all night…been there. 9 years later and still have to get up 2x to pee…stinks big time! Doc gets mad ‘cuz I don’t drink enough water. I should see if they do bladder transplants…if they do, I want a man’s bladder that hasn’t been trampled by pregnancy. LOL!
Psst…
Hey you…lady with the big beautiful belly…
Have you discovered the DARK chocolate M&Ms yet?
Or the oversized Shrek ones?
Thanks for the giggles! Hang in there!
hi haley you are so funny.and don’t feel bad i’m not preggers and have to get up like 2 times at night to pee.i love your belly.and baby whisperer is awesome show.i used to get that but don’t have discovery health channel now.when i was pregnant with my son i craved cherry flavoured anything.frsh cherries cherry yogurt ice cream but my fave was chemical laden artificially coloured popsicles from the ice cream truck.man i could hear that truck coming from a couple of miles away.all the neighbourhood kids would see me and start to follow me.haha.oh the joys!
I laughed about the whole size thing. I’ve never worn size small in my life. When I went shopping for maternity clothes (and I was like 3 months along so barely showing) I was thrilled because I could fit into the size smalls of everything.
Then my sister pointed out that they were maternity size small – and perhaps I should go to at least a medium if I wanted the clothes to fit when I was near the end of my pregnancy. Too funny!
As for cheez whiz … yum! All the preservatives in that stuff will keep you nice and healthy I’m sure (we eat it all the time – and are just fine!)
I am addicted to the Baby Whisperer also Cleanaholics on Discovery Health Canada but that’s another story…
You MAKE me giggle, girl! You’re too adorable!
I soooo….remember waking up a million times a night to go pee. Even if you are lucky enough to be able to sleep when pregnant, it’s that darn bladder that keeps you from sleeping soundly.
The other thing I am remembering is having to use the handicapped washroom stall because I couldn’t fit into the regular ones, let alone sit down! Gosh, I felt big during those moments, let me tell you!
I’m walking down memory lane with you every step of the way, it’s fun! Thanks for sharing all of your thoughts, it’s great.
Hilarious post – so many truths! I totally agree about buy maternity clothes in the same size as your pre-pregnancy size – what a load! My hips had hips when I was pregnant, so there was just no way. I had a thing for Cheez Whiz too. Try it on warm toast, or spread it on a nice thick roll and stick it under the broiler until it bubbles – hog heaven!! Just be careful – when you get over your craving and leave it in the fridge for like two years – it will go moldy!!
That was really the funniest blog ever! I am at working, waiting for 5pm & going online was definitely the right thing to do. Thanks for the uplifting read. I haven’t had Cheese Whiz in probably that long also but I have a strange yearning to go buy a bottle & see how it tastes now. I used to LOVE it as a kid – lol – too funny!!!
OMG Haley, you are the BEST! That was so hilariously funny! BTW, I abhor Cheez Whiz, but I did have a weird thing for Froot Loops during my 2nd pregnancy. Wonder if it’s something with the mis-spelling of the main non-food ingredient?