ANTM, SURVIVOR, GREY’S, AND GOSSIP OF THE CRRRAZY HAIRBAND KIND!

Hi gorgeouses, I have a raging headache because I’m on a serious detox program — getting healthy! — with the fabulous Dr. Adam. So, let’s get right to it:

AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL: DING-DONG THE BITCH IS DEAD!

Monique — gone.

Haha! Loo-hoo-ser! Karma’s a bitch, ain’t it, Mon? Serves you right for being totally immature and gross: wiping your dirty underwear on Melrose’s bed? Ewww! How old are you? And, rule #1, no matter how sick you are, never miss a photo shoot. I mean, clearly the girl has a screw loose, but this was confirmed when she opted out of the photo shoot because she was sick.

It’s nothing new for ANTM to send a model to the hospital. Last year, it was Danielle, and she hopped on that elephant sick as a dog and won the whole damn thing. Monique? Not so smart. Showed she didn’t want it bad enough. As the judges — in a bout of insanity — sang it (in gospel…even Twiggy, awkwardly enough!) during their evaluation session, "she don’t wanna be here, she don’t wanna be here, she don’t wanna be here, etc. etc. etc."

Monique’s final words? Fitting for a sore loo-hoo-ser: "I just felt that this whole time here was obviously a waste. That’s all I have to say…. Farewell." Good riddance. On with the show!

P.S.: You know how, in the intro to the show, they show all of the previous winners of ANTM? Well, notice that Adrienne Curry, the winner of the first season of ANTM, and subsequent star of The Surreal Life, My Fair Brady, and Playboy Magazine, is absent…? Hmmm…curious….

Photos of ANTM c/o the ANTM official website.

SURVIVOR: SPARKS FLY, CHICK ALMOST DIES, JP GOES BYE!

Photo c/o Survivor’s official website.

Potential showmance blossoms: Nate says "there can be some sparks in the future" between him and Parvati, but he doesn’t want to get swept up in it. Keep the eye on the game, eye on the game.

Huh?: Is Jeff still calling Parvati "Poverty"? Or is it just me? It’s funny!

Heart Stopped: Thank goodness they put that poor newborn chick back in its nest, and the nest back in its place with the mama bird. As a passionate animal advocate, my heart stopped when Jonathan held the newborn chick…. I was relieved when they returned the chick and nest to the mama bird. It was a powerful scene. Cao Boi learned a valuable lesson about "curiosity," and was admittedly "humbled." I’m just happy the chick’s okay. Phew.

Elimination: The Raro tribe on the line: In the end the WOMEN STUCK TOGETHER. WOO! Stephanie almost gave up, but the girls figured things out, and they took the game in their own hands, campaigning against JP, and bringing Survivor hottie Brad on board! Sweeet. LOVE. They succeeded. JP = GONZOS! Good times.

GREY’S ANATOMY

I want to slap Meredith every time she says "dating’s fun." When you’re dating two guys that look like McDreamie and what’s-his-face-Chris-O’Donnell’s-character (I’m a new watcher; bear with me), of course, it’s fun. Otherwise, the show’s growing on me. Loved the little girl with the "super powers."

GOSSIP GOSSIP GOSSIP!!!

JESSICA SIMPSON’S MYSTERIOUS HAIRBAND

Here are Jess and Employee-of-the-Month co-star Dane Cook promoting their new movie on The Today Show. She looks cute. Getting her sh– together, finally. Nice hairband, but…, it’s black.

Wait, no, it’s red!

Oops, sorry, black.

Erm…red. 

Oops, I sooo meant black….

Makeup’s the same, coat’s the same….Could hairband be magical? I want one! Whatever. She looks cute again. Not cute enough to make me see this movie, though. No way, man.

Photos of Jess and Dane c/o Splash News Online.

KATIE AND VICTORIA IN PARIS

Photo c/o  Splash News Online.

New best friends Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham hung out in Paris together for fashion week. Sounds like fun. Actually, sounds painfully boring. As boring as their matching grey coats and poor postures. Booooorrring. Anyway, this picture goes to show: you never want to be photographed next to Victoria Beckham….Even the thinnest among us look positively humungous.

NOOOOOO! SAY IT ISN’T SOOOOOO!

Photo c/o  Splash News Online.

Photo c/o PerezHilton.com.

Photo c/o X17 Online.

After only 3 months, this hitherto-promising couple broke up! Here’s what Nicole says about it on her official MySpace blog: "I know there are rumors regarding my ‘breakup’ with Brody Jenner.
The truth is, we were never really together. We hung out, and he’s a
nice guy, but my heart was never in it. Anything further is just a cry for publicity."

I hope this doesn’t mean Nicole will stop eating in public because she’s stressed out from the breakup and publicity surrounding it….No, seriously….We are worried. Very worried.

JANET JACKSON’S SORRY ATTEMPT AT HER COMEBACK

Photo c/o  Splash News Online.

Ew. Just. Ew.

Well, have a great Thanksgiving weekend, everyone! Got any plans? I’ll be detoxing. Fun fun fun! But, I’ll be good as gold in (how many days left to go? …and counting?) 8 days….

So, which hairband do you like better on Jess, the red or the black. Discuss.

Is it me, or is Y&R going off the deep end!? Can’t John just go away already! The Dicken’s allusion? IN-SANE! Discuss.

And, don’t forget to visit me over at The Cheaty Monkey. I miss you when you’re not there….

And, have you signed up at Urbanmoms.ca, yet? C’mon! Come join the par-tay!