Occasionally I am asked by the ContEd branch of the school board I work for to teach extension classes on evenings or weekends, and often I say yes. Which explains why I was sitting behind the teacher’s desk last Saturday afternoon, having just dismissed a small group of junior high students from my grammar review class. I was just packing up my gear when one of the students came back in the room and approached the desk. He wanted to ask me a question, and came around behind the desk as if to tell me something secret.
AND THEN HE TOOK HOLD OF MY FACE AND TRIED TO KISS ME.
Yes, a fourteen year-old boy tried to kiss me. ME. His married, 41 year-old teacher. Eww, ugh and OH. MY. GOD.
I did what anyone would have done…I pushed him away and blurted out, “no, no, no, no, no!” at least a dozen times. Because my chair is on wheels, I spun backwards away from him, putting a safe distance between us. My hands were shaking as I was trying to compose myself and figure out just which freakin’ alternative universe I had landed in, because in my world? This kinda shit DOES. NOT. HAPPEN.
The boy himself was instantly remorseful and apologized profusely, making the kinds of excuses one might expect from a 14 year-old who has just done about the most stupid and outrageous thing imaginable. He told me he just couldn’t control himself. (To which I quickly replied that, to the contrary, one can — indeed must — control oneself at all times.)
But then he dropped an even bigger bomb (if that’s possible). He told me he’d had a dream the night before (and NO, he did not mention that I played any role in said dream, thank god, and I am holding on to that, thank you very much). And, to quote him exactly, “stuff came out”.
YEAH.
At which point I’m wondering what terrible deed I did in this or a previous life that could have loaded me up with such bad karma that I have to be in this room, at this moment, dealing with this double-whammy of nightmarish hell. But the kid just won’t shut up. He’s now moved on to self-deprecation. He wonders if I think he’s a pedophile now (which actually was the one moment of humour in the whole hellish situation), and then he moves on to the fact that something must be wrong with him and he is sick and perverted.
SIGH.
And yeah, you guessed it, this is a lad from a very conservative religious background. His family are middle-eastern immigrants and cling to many of their old ways, including not educating teenagers about puberty or sex or ANYTHING like that. And I’m actually thinking, this poor kid has no idea that having a wet dream is, like, totally normal. He thinks he’s sick and perverted (and a pedophile!) because he had a wet dream (which was NOT about his teacher). And then he also thinks his instincts are somehow beyond his own control and that it’s okay to grab and try to kiss a woman who is:
- married
- more than 25 years older than him, and
- HIS FREAKIN’ TEACHER!!!
I repeat: what did I ever do to deserve this?
In the end, I tried to reassure him that he was not a pedophile (that was a fun one to explain), and also not sick, but rather a teenaged boy with normal feelings. I did let him know in no uncertain terms that it was definitely NOT okay to try to kiss someone without their permission, and that I was not a suitable target for said kiss, for all the aforementioned reasons. I then encouraged him to talk to his dad (he nearly fainted with fear) or an uncle or another adult man whom he trusted. Then I sent him on his way.
And then, believe it or not, the first thing I did was to tweet this:
Followed by calls to:
- my husband
- my sister
- the school administration
- the teacher’s union
And now, tomorrow, I have to go back for the last class. I will be escorted by a senior member of the school administration at all times, who will also be having a chat with Mr. Young Offender (sans moi, thank god).
Moral of the story? Don’t exempt your children from sex ed at school unless you plan to fill ’em in on the facts of life yourself. Being ignorant does not make one innocent…in this case, quite the opposite was true.
Wow….what an ordeal and how awful for the poor kid. I hope he can find someone to talk to…. I believe sex ed should be taught in school because obviously a lot of parents don’t go anywhere near this subject. Sadly my sex talk with my Mom consisted of “don’t ever let a boy touch you here (pointing to privates) or here (pointing to my boobs!) or you will get pregnant. That was it. I think I was already like 16! I think gradually getting info on the subject is good, obviously 2nd graders don’t need a huge amount of info….but the closer they get to grade 5 they diffidently need to have some basic info on stuff. It’s just preparing them for the world…..
Oh wow! When I saw my newsletter in my email this morning with this topic, I certainly did not expect to read this! I don’t even know what to say!
It sounds like you did the right thing by letting people know what happened just in case you ended up on Jerry Springer some day! I feel bad for the kid also, but feel worse for you having to deal with that!
Like Erin, I often wonder how people think sex ed is wrong when there is so much overt sexuality in the media, stuff that’s very, very accessible to kids. Sometimes directed right at those kids.
I used to work for the Canadian Federation for Sexual Health and everything I learned and saw there showed that developing a natural and healthy understanding of sexuality – and respect for others – is exactly the right thing.
I bet things like what you experienced, Kath, happen more than we imagine or want to admit.
Poor kid. Poor Kath!
this illustrates sex ed…not the “dirty things” that most people were up in arms about when they wanted to bring it in!
sorry you had to go through that. let’s hope this ends here.
Yikes – and also, ew.
I am so with you on the need for education, and as Erin says, with sex all around, you HAVE to give them context and information as well as your own value position, you can’t just ignore it and hope it will go away, because sex is not going anywhere, that’s for sure.
(also, good call on calling admin and union, in case he got weird and told someone what happened. No wonder you were freaked out!)
wow. nothing you learned at teachers college could have prepared you for this. How very difficult for you!
GOOD LORD!!
That was awkward just to read – I can’t imagine being in your position!
Like Jen – I felt a little sorry for the kid for having no idea.
I remember being separated into boys and girls in grade 5 and given the basics – boobs, pubic hair and periods. Pretty sure it was unheard or extremely rare for a girl to get her period in grade 5, unlike now.
I do remember being taught about “nocturnal emissions” – but I don’t remember when. I know it was before high school. I always wondered why the girls needed to know about that because, well…it was kinda gross 😛
Have a good afternoon – thank god it’s the last day!
OMG! Wow, that’s just about all I can say, Wow! (quote from Kevin Henke’s book, Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse). Sorry you had to go through that, scary, it’s every teacher’s nightmare.
I totally agree that sex education should be mandatory, although I guess it’s a hard sell for some people. What I don’t understand is this: Sex is out there all over the media. How do parents expect their kids to develop a healthy view of sexuality if the media and what they hear from peers is all the exposure they get?
Poor kid! And poor you. I feel so bad that he thought he was sick and perverted (and did snicker a bit that he thought he was a pedophile). You are so right, though, there needs to be some education. Something like this would be extremely confusing and disturbing with no context!
Oh Yikes! Congratulations for keeping your composure last week and good look this afternoon, Mrs.Robinson. 😉