Then and Now
Week: 14
Pounds Lost: 30
As I sit down to write this exciting entry, I find myself inexplicably sombre. I’ve made it half-way to my ultimate weight loss goal (actually, I originally intended to lose 50 pounds, but then decided to up the ante to 60 pounds in order to have a BMI in the “healthy” range) and yet somehow, it seems anticlimactic. Don’t kill me if you’re just starting your journey – believe me, I know (who better?) that every pound is a victory on its own, and I don’t mean to minimize a 30 pound loss.
In fact, that’s a good place to start. What does 30 pounds mean? Well, for starters, my youngest daughter weighs exactly 30 pounds. Every day when she says “uppy Mommy, uppy” and I heft her into my arms, I remind myself that fourteen short weeks ago just lugging my own fat carcass around was equivalent to carrying her today. That’s got to be a significant accomplishment. Then there’s my clothes; they’re all falling off me (literally) and it’ll soon be time to buy some new ones. That should make me feel fabulous. But it’s not working.
Maybe it’s that a few of the things I was sure would resolve once I lost weight are still plaguing me: I have had ongoing hip and back pain since my two pregnancies and two (yes, two) posterior labours and births. Now, 30 pounds lighter, I am still awoken more often at night by hip pain than by my children. Ditto snoring – it started during my first pregnancy and never resolved, and this highly unflattering (not to mention embarassing and disruptive) aspect of my nighttime life with my husband still persists!
And the baggy clothes – ah yes, there’s a pickle in and of itself: did you know you can actually look worse in clothes that are a full size too big than you did when you were 10 pounds heavier and they actually fit? It’s true – I see the evidence staring back at me every day in the mirror. But what to do? Buy a whole new wardrobe only to discard it and start again in another 14 weeks when I’m yet another 30 pounds lighter and at my goal? Buy “transition” clothes you say, but it’s a truly daunting task – I challenge you to go into your bedroom and take stock of all the clothes you have that would no longer fit if you lost 30 pounds. Jeans and other pants, of course! Skirts, blouses, t-shirts, yup…keep going. How about several bras (I’ve gone down 4 inches and 2 full cup sizes) and a dozen pairs of undies? Pyjamas, nylons…do you have any idea how daunting it is to think of replacing it all, only to have to do so again? Ack! I can’t even begin to think about it.
And while we’re on the topic of replacing all my panties – I’m considering getting the support kind. Why? Hmm…let’s see – receding stomach fat has left behind vast expanse of wrinkly, stretch-marked empty-balloon belly. Without a tummy-tuck (and let’s face it, if I’m too stingy to lash out on a “transitional” wardrobe I won’t pony up for plastic surgery) I won’t be wearing a bikini even if I surpass my goals!
Can you see what’s got me down in the doldrums? Not that I’d consider for a second doing anything differently…no, I’m still in this deal for real, and I do prefer loose tummy to fat tummy, but I guess I’m a bit disillusioned. Did I think I’d lose 10 years of aging along with the fat? Perhaps I did. I always have suffered a bit from “if only” syndrome; “if only I were 60 pounds lighter, I’d be more attractive all over” – alas, youth (and the ability of the young body to recover) is wasted on the young! Give me back some skin elasticity and I’ll be a happy woman!
But seriously – a woman asked me the other day if I regretted not losing the weight sooner. An interesting question, and I gave it some thought before responding. Actually, no, I don’t regret not trying to lose the weight earlier. Notice my insertion of the word trying – that’s because I truly believe I would not have been able to succeed until the moment I came to 14 weeks ago – I needed to be ready to lose the weight. What I do regret is putting so much more weight on after my second child’s first birthday. I put on nearly 10 pounds each year from her first to third birthdays. Just imagine where I’d be today if I hadn’t had to retrace those steps!
Kath is mom to two girls aged nearly six and three. She writes weekly on the downs (and ups) of weight loss in her Urban Mom’s Weight Loss Diary. Please share your thoughts, insights, successes, frustrations below in comments.
I am at the exact same point. I live to South America and do not have goodwill or other used clothing stores. Yesturday my husband told me I just could not wear a pair of pants that is a staple in my wardrobe b/c they were totally falling off me. I was told by a lady that works for me that my pants were feo yesturday (meaning ugly!). Not only is it the money but just the sheer effort of clothes shopping then having to do it again. I have one new outfit and I am just about wearing it out. The othr day my father in law showed up early in the mornning and I ran downstairs to get a bottle for my daughter and my boob popped out of the now giant arm whole on my night gown!! Horro of all horrors!!! The down side to losing the weight. I also have the wierd belly thing. I have also found shopping for clothes is not as satisfying as it should be b/c of the weird belly thing. I am opting for plastic surgery, but want to lose all the weight first.
I lost 30 lbs recently and got my new wardrobe at Value Village and Goodwill.
G’day Kat!
Just to let you know that you look amazing.
The goodwill store in varsity has a great selection of pants that might be worth a try. Lots of great labels too. Thats where I buy most of my stuff. Also check out Garage for some new T-shirts. They are only 14 $ apiece. That just might get you through this transition.
Oh and you know what they say about transition….it’s always the hardest part of anything.
Keep the momentum girl….
Patti B.
As usual I am utterly blown away by the level of support and encouragement I get from the comments. Thanks to each and every one of you for commenting on my posts. It means so much to me!
Way to go – I hear you on the “downside” though – espcially about the clothes. But you know what, there are some second hand clothing stores that have GREAT clothes for cheap so you CAN get a transition wardrobe and not spend so much money… Also, for the back and hip pain – have you tried Pilates? I highly recommend it. Though I am suffering with hip pain as I write this – I should be doing more of it myself. You keep going!!! Another treat to help with the sagging skin is a body wrap – it feels so nice and helps to tighten up your skin… Bottom line – you keep going girl and don’t look back! (or at the backside when you are wearing those saggy clothes…)
🙂
Hey Kathy!
I am so glad you talked about the down side…I have lost 12 pounds in 6 weeks and my clothes are hanging off of my behind. My Husband hasd been supportive, but this morning before leaving he said, “those pants look much better than the ones yesterday…they were hanging off you backside and made your body look weird”..love you to honey bunny. Keep it up girl, my goal is 40 pounds by Christmas.
Hi Kath,
I just wandered over here on a whim but I wanted to offer my congratulations. I also understand that feeling of deflation when a goal achieved (or partly achieved) doesn’t offer the feelings of success you thought it would. Ouch. Could you treat yourself to a $30 splurge at a 2nd hand or consignment shop? Maybe just one flattering outfit would give you more of a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
Also, maybe time to see the doc about the snoring? Maybe there’s something else that can be done…
Again, congratulations and thanks for sharing your inspiring story with us.
You look like a different person! I would not have known it was the same person in the pictures. You should be proud of your accomplishment. Don’t buy the clothes yet, in a few weeks those ones will fall off. Pull out some old clothes and wait until you are closer to your goal.
Wow 30 pounds is a lot to lose, Congratulations!
If I were you I wouldn’t worry about replacing my whole wardrobe right now. Pick up a piece or two to keep you going while you lose the rest of the weight.
Buy a new pair of jeans, a new top, but I wouldn’t go wild trying to replace everything yet.
After my pregnancy I need to lose a fair amount of weight, and I am also worried about the way my skin will bounce back after. I am hoping with a gradual loss and exercise it won’t be to droopy.
Good luck with the next 30
OMG Kath! You look amazing! You DO look 10 years younger. I can see your neck! Your cheeks are thinner and you look so healthy. Your feelings are totally natural. Weight loss is not going to change everything in your life as you are realizing but give it a chance and you will get that new wardrobe and look fabulous, your back pain will subside as you are able to exercies more and get stronger, and your skin will retract a bit (and most of it will be hidden under your fabulous clothes anyway!). Also, this is an emotional journey as you let go of the issues that contributed to the weight gain in the first place. You have done it and you will go all the way. Congratulations!