There’s this kindergarten teacher that our whole community raves about; Avelyn didn’t get into her class. There are a few kids she knows who are in the same grade; they are all in the other class. I feel kind of bummed about how things have unfolded, which is silly because it’s kindergarten and Avelyn is very social and will have no problems making new friends and she’s at a great school. But I still felt my heart sink a little when she didn’t get into the class I had hoped for and I heard that all her friends are with the other teacher.
(Photo by fotografzahl.wordpress.com)
I am feeling torn about the extent to which I should be involved in my kid’s education experience. (Avelyn is my eldest, so this public school thing is all new to me.) See, I could have marched into the office earlier in the year and handed in a written request for the teacher I wanted and the classmates I was determined to have in my daughter’s class. But I didn’t want to come across as an entitled, high-maintenance parent who was out to micromanage her child’s kindergarten journey. (I have many friends who do make requests for classmates or teachers and they are neither entitled nor high-maintenance, but they also have older kids and are more experienced in the elementary school politics and procedures.) I just didn’t want to make a bad first impression, that’s all. So, I decided to let the chips fall where they may, and so they have, but I find myself wondering if I did the right thing. Should I have intervened beforehand and steered her class selection a little, or is it better to just live and let live?
When I was young I had a wonderful public school experience. Some years my teachers were inspiring and intuitive. Some of them sucked. Some years I had my best friends in my class with me. Some I didn’t. But I made it through. And I learned lots of good lessons along the way.
So. That’s where I’m at right now. Feeling torn between two trains of thought, seeing the value in both and wondering what the heck I should do: welcome to parenthood.
How do you distinguish your level of involvement and control when it comes to your children’s schooling? Do you make requests for the things you want, or just keep your mouth shut and hope for the best?
Ummm that article was about is in the best interests of the teacher and the system – not the students. And it suggests that parents can’t possibly know what is right for their child which was sadly communicated in the example where the teacher dismisses a mother who said she was giving her child downtown and space after a stressful summer full of family issues, rather than requiring him to do a SUMMER reading assignment.
From the article: We know you love your children. We love them, too. We just ask — and beg of you — to trust us, support us and work with the system, not against it. We need you to have our backs, and we need you to give us the respect we deserve. Lift us up and make us feel appreciated, and we will work even harder to give your child the best education possible.
If teachers truly wanted to help students then this paragraph would put the STUDENT first, would ask the parents and would commit as a teacher, to trust and support the student and work with the kids, not against them. The teachers would pledge to work with the parents to give the student the respect they deserve and lift them up so that the child can get the most from their education.
The system, and by extention most teachers I have encountered have little patience or respect for the role of parents in the educational system (cutting out letters for bulletin boards or reshelving library books notwithstanding). Sadly this often translates into a lack of respect for the parent’s role in the education and parenting of their own individual children and comes across as arogant – as demonstrated in this article.
Can you imagine the teachers’ uproar of parents published their wishlist for what teachers should know and it took this tone and level of disrespect?
I teach in the public school system and understand your concerns. I have never heard of a parent actually calling and having the child’s room switched though … but if a parent really wanted it, I am sure it would happen. My parents once requested ahead of time (at the end of the previous year) for me to be in a specific room for the next year. I assume that would be the best way to go about it in the future, just so that the current arrangement is not disrupted.
You need to read this:
http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/06/living/teachers-want-to-tell-parents/index.html
I am a teacher, and this article hits it. Helicopter parents may think they are doing the best for their children, but actually they are doing a disservice. When it comes to your child’s health & safety, by all means make your voice heard. I think TB makes great points, so I won’t belabour them, but yeah.. learn to relinquish some control and trust in the process. Where i teach, we take great consideration in where each student is placed for the next year, and it may not be what the parent wants, but what the child needs to be successful.
I think this is one of those very important situations that parents need to step back in and let things happen. If there is a good reason as to why a kid shouldn’t be with a desginated teacher than I would take actions towards that but as far as classmates go and a general wants.. I just don’t think it’s a place to but in.
When my kids hit school I’m going to be involved. I will attend functions I can and volunteer and support. I will be a common face for my children and be an involved parent in my childrens school life. But in the end it’s a school, it’s part of life and I think every hurdle and situation poses a great chance to learn. Sure it would be nice to have all your kids friends in classes but I think in the end it’s a better choice to give them the chance to make new friends and build further social skills outside of their comfort zone. I’d rather them cope with this earlier on while they don’t carry the social anxieties of an older child because there will come a time when they are in a class without their buddies.
I had NO idea that you could even make these kind of requests. I don’t plan on making any of them…unless I had proof that a teacher was useless. I think it’s a great learning lesson for kids to sort out new relationships and new classes. I distinctly remember going to summer camp with all of my friends and they all ended up in one cabin and two of us ended up in another. Guess who ended up having the far better experience? I just think – and it’s just me personally – we try to control our kids lives too much now. I like your ‘let the chips fall’ idea.
Unless there’s been a verifiable problem with a teacher and students or parents that I know, I don’t worry about class assignments. I make it a point to be supportive and friendly with the teachers and do my best to help them out during the year. I think what most teachers need are parents who support their children to make good decisions, to take responsibility for mistakes and then correct them, and to learn how to be good learners, good classmates, and kind human beings. And if your child doesn’t like the teacher (unless it’s for a really good reason!) it is a fantastic life lesson in learning how to get along with others. If your daughter’s kindergarten teacher is doing a good job, make sure and tell other people…sometimes quieter teachers get lost in the mix and don’t receive the word-of-mouth praise that other teachers get.
Is the other teacher horrible?
I don’t have kids yet, but as far as I know about my own schooling, my mom only ever requested a class switch for me one time. When I started 6th grade, I was put into a class that my mom didn’t think was appropriate for my learning level. It was the first year during school that classes were divided by merit and she called to have my switched to the higher class. It worked out though because I was able to get straight A’s. I know not all the teachers were supportive of the switch but it worked out in the long run.
I requested my son (now entering Grade 2) be in the morning K class. He got in the afternoon class while all SEVEN of his buddies from preschool got in the morning class. I cried. He was fine and made a schwack of new friends. For Gr. 1, I asked that he be in a class with his BFF – didn’t happen. He had a bunch of his other new buddies from K and was totally fine. For Gr. 2, I made 2 lengthy written requests that he be placed with one teacher (the one everyone wants) rather than the other teacher (the one only a very few parents and students want). I had many valid reasons for my requests, not just going with the crowd. Yup, he got the less-favoured teacher. Although I didn’t pester the Principal about my wishes, I did make them known in a respectful way and left it at that. And in the end? We’re moving to another town! With a new school! And, the teacher I had really hoped he would get? She’s preggers – won’t even be there to finish the whole year. Bah!
I think it’s good for you to be proactive in areas that you can, but be careful not to step on toes until you have a full grasp of how things work at the school. I bet she’ll be just fine. I know it might be tough with your littles at home, but if there’s any way you can volunteer in her classroom – even just once a month – it will help you get a good idea of how she’s doing. And if you put up with a less than ideal situation for Avelyn now, it might pave the way for you to get what you think is best for her little sisters when it’s their turn. If you’re in a school that you like and you and the kids have good friends there, I’d say it’s worth it to just do what you can to get through this year and hope for a better situation next year.
When I was in second grade I spent the entire year literally BEGGING my mother to please ask for me to NOT be in Mrs. Horrible 3rd Grade Teacher’s class. She did not believe me that this woman was as horrible as I had heard.
Lo and behold, when we went to check the class lists over the summer I was in the horrible teacher’s class. I burst into tears right there at the school. She was every bit as horrible as I had heard; when my friend got up to throw some trash away during class without asking first SHE DUMPED A FULL TRASH CAN INTO HIS DESK. Also she pulled another boy out of the class by his ear. *ahem*
Of course when my brother reached 3rd grade my mom made sure he would not be in the horrible teacher’s class. He had a young adorable, sweet teacher instead. I am 28 years old and still bitter about this. So my point: decide how involved you’re going to be and do the same thing for each child.
I try not to interfere with the school system unless I truly see that my child is at a disadvantage or having problems with another student (bully) in class.
I make sure to stay in close communication with my kid’s teachers by getting involved. I am blessed to be able to volunteer in their class and get to see first hand the teacher/student involvement while providing an extra pair of hands. This year, I’ll be taking part in the PTA so I can get involved with the school as a whole. It truly helps to have a good relationship with the faculty.
I’m more hands-off when it comes to this kind of thing, but my youngest is only in the second grade… and we’re about to navigate this very thing, since he’s with a teacher who is screechy and… let’s just say one might want a different teacher than the one he has. But, like you, my public school experiences were generally good (though not always perfect) and that’s just how the world works: we do our best with what we’ve got.
Plus, I’m lazy and I hate fighting about things… 😉
i think there was a topic here along the lines of “would you change anything going back” and, to me, this is kind of like that. this is one of her “down” moments that will make her grow and learn to cope without her friends. maybe years from now, this will be seen as a building block to her future friendly, outgoing personality!
it’s soooooo hard to let go since you have been driving their lives for so long! now you (meaning me, too) have to let go and have someone else put thoughts into their brains. that was the hardest for me. what? someone else is going to teach them something? craziness.
and, if this is one of the negative things that happens in her life, she will be blessed! i predict she’s going to kick kindergarten butt! 🙂
I’ve had a few years experience now and haven’t ever made requests as to where my kids have ended up. I was pretty upset last year and almost had my son pulled from the class he was in, but in the end I felt like I was making too much of a fuss and wanted to let it go and trust the teachers with their decision to put him there. It was a bit of a struggle, but he did grow and stretch and met new kids. Who knows, he may have had more problems had he been in another class. It is hard to sit back, but as long as you haven’t heard absolute negative about this teacher she’s with, I’d definitely give it a go.
I make requests for the things I want, but not in front of my daughter, and not at an inappropriate time for the school or the teacher. It’s not up to me to decide the public school curriculum, the food served at group snack-time, what games they will play in gym class, or how much time they spend outside. It is up to me to voice my concerns, respectfully, and listen actively to the explanation. And it is also up to me to hear the teachers concerns and respond respectfully. We’re in this together, for the next 12 years, you know? Just like in any other relationship, communication is invaluable.
As of right now, we/I have no intentions of going ahead of our girls to line up who’s in their class or what teacher they have (unless a previous problem has occured with their teacher. Then all bets are off). It think it’s important to let your kids make new friends, to experience different people and to make yourself trust the system, and God. He’s got a plan for Avelyn, no matter which class she’s in and He’s guiding her days. Who knows, maybe this teacher, and this class are where He NEEDS her? You just never know 🙂
I’m all for letting the chips fall where they may and trusting that God is in control of it all. I still have the same feelings you expressed, but I just acknowledge that I have such limited perspective. And each year my kids bloom wherever they’re planted as long as I support them!!
Or maybe you should carpool to our school with Theresa and all of our kids can be TOGETHER. 🙂 I can dream, right?
As a teacher (albeit a high school one), I strongly advise against helicopter parenting. As a parent, I also get a little panicky and always want to make things perfect for my kids…
However, they are resilient little people and we need to give them chances to prove this. Best of luck… I’m going to sob buckets when Simon heads to school.