…ask James Frey"
okay…okay…it’s not my line. i can’t take credit for it. thanks, JJ Philbin. my god…have a mentioned how much i love the OC and how upset i am that the network asses are taking it off the air?? anyway, the point is that it’s friday….and you know what that means…a sneak peek down memory lane…or more specifically…letting you in on some little tidbits that you might now know about me. they could be memories. or confessions. times when i’ve put my foot in my mouth (like when i went on for a two minute rant about how much i can’t stand Rachael Ray…to which my stepmom replied…"gee…i hope i didn’t put a rachael ray cookbook in your stocking…yikes…).
well…today we’re not doing the memoir thing (i just wanted to quote the OC)….today it’s confession time.
i like my job. i freakin’ love my job.
some days i sit and work and dream of how my life would be if be if i was a stay at home mom. sure, it would be filled with the not so glamorous duties of a dare-i-say-it housewife. cleaning. cooking. carpooling. watching 25 episodes of dora in a row. constantly having crusted something-or-other on my shoulder all day long. not being able to shower. having to be "on" all the time. laundry. laundry. laundry. (just for the record…i DO all of these things anyway).
but my time would be my time. i would be able to do all the things i can’t do because i work. i could meet a friend at starbucks. i could drive my kids to and from school and not have to worry about being late for work. i could watch regis and kelly while i fold laundry. i could make it to the assemblies and the birthday parties at school without having to ask permission. i could volunteer in the classroom. i could actually follow through on playdates for my kids. i could see my friends. i could wear sweatpants until noon if i wanted to. i could cook dinner early on in the day so as to NOT be so stressed out at 5 o’clock. i wouldn’t MISS potential "firsts" In short, it would be GREAT.
at the end of the day, i went back to work for one reason. the money. we send our kids to jewish day school and it costs an arm and a leg. actually. three arms and three legs. we have a big house and a big mortgage. and let’s be honest, i like to spend money. i don’t work well on a tight budget. because even if you are just buying necessities – diapers alone could bankrupt me – being a family of 5 is expensive.
my life once i leave the office is hectic. trying to fit in grocery shopping and cooking dinner and getting my pants hemmed and buying pyjamas for my giant toddler and driving to swimming and making it to the gym and picking up dry cleaning and returning library books and basically just trying to fit in all those things that stay at home moms have all day to get done….it’s hectic and stressful. and i’m EXHAUSTED when i walk in the door to find my kids screaming "Mama! Mama!" because they have to fit in a day’s worth of "mama" in a few short hours. EXHUASTION continues. bedtime. EXHAUSTION redux….
but when i actually sit and think about it. those 8 hours that i spend at work are mine. they are ALL mine. i can send an email if i want to without someone screaming in the background. i can call to make a haircut appointment without the boy hanging up the phone "accidentally". i can eat lunch without having to cut up someone’s pizza and get her a drink. oh and a napkin too. oh, and clean up the drink that spilled. i can wear nice clothing and not worry about wet cheerio stains.
i can be Ali. just Ali. Not Ali, the mother of three kids. just plain old Ali. I like this Ali. She’s smart and witty and gets things done. She’s not tired or stressed about things. She’s GOOD at her job. and there’s something to be said for that.
song of the day: Bouncin’ Round the Room by Phish. Listen for free on Rhapsody!
video of the day: My Box in a Box. i think the original is WAY funnier. but…it’s pretty hilarious too.
come on over and see me at Cheaper Than Therapy. if you stop by friday afternoon, you’ll get to see just how canadian i’ve become…
What an amazing post. I love it. Being proud and happy to be a working mom is almost frowned upon in a lot of circles. I love your honesty about it here.
I am a working mom, out of necessity mostly, but also for the love of what I do, even if I do complain bitterly about it. Some nights, I can’t get out of my house fast enough to get to work…..of course, I don’t have the freedom at work that you do, but I get 12 whole hours away from my chaos at a time. Into a different chaos most of the time…..but what is it they say? A change is as good as a rest.
Great post, Ali! I love being a stay-at-home mom for all the reasons you mentioned — that, and, I don’t have to go to work!! But, it would be great to work for all the reasons you mentioned above, too. Me-time? What’s that again? 😉
I always feel like the worst mother in the world when I say I love my job. If I love my job, I must not like being a mom. The truth is, I KNOW I am better mom because I work. I work all day and feel smart and useful and independent. I come home and focus 100% on my kids until they go to bed. When I was home (on maternity leave), there was no distinguishing day from night, work from leisure. It was all the same to me. The work was constant and the lack of regular adult stimulation was stifling. Now that I’m back at work, my house is cleaner, I’m more on top of the laundry and other chores and I therefore have much more “quality time” (I hate that term) with my kids.
My very favourite thing about working is drinking a whole cup of coffee while it’s still hot!!
“actually. three arms and three legs.”
So, which arm and leg did you and your husband get to keep? If it were me, I think I’d keep my right arm and my left leg … just for the purpose of not being too lopsided, mainly.
In all seriousness, I love that you love your job. I hope I’m so lucky when we start having kids!
You ROCK, Ali! You are so right. I work from home and I often miss when I worked full-time but, not because of the job, mostly because I have no “me” time. My off time is with kids, which is wonderful and why I made this decision but I totally miss being Jen. Just Jen.
I think Sarah is right on. Shorter days or a p/t work week would give us enough of both family and work. I know VERY few employers who offer this.
What I have recently discovered after romanticizing the home office scenario is that there is no perfect balance – it just doesn’t exist when you have small children. The only solution is to have 36 hours in a day! Even that wouldn’t work because there would still be more to do.
You know, I agree with everything you said, and I work for the same reasons as you (well, not the Jewish school tuition). I’m exhausted too all the time. But you are right, it is nice to actually go out and eat with friends at lunch and not have a kid interupting. I think for me, a more happy medium would be work say, 8 to 2, kwim? I work 7:30 to 3:30 but with commuting I’m home at 4:30 and then the other full-time job starts. It’s just plain exhausting. Why can’t we just work shorter days. And, I don’t know about you, but at the end of the day, dh’s just don’t put in the same amt of time at home as we do. And, they wonder why were bitchy sometimes.