i could confess that i ate my weight in peanut butter squares over this holiday. but i won’t. I’ll save that for another day and get my butt to the gym after work.
instead, I’ll make another little itty bitty confession. I’m a little wee bit of a competi-mommy. The term came to me via Her Bad Mother, who got it from Mom-101.
now, don’t go jumping to crazy conclusions. I’m not THAT mom. you know the one. the one who tries to impress other moms with her child’s repertoire of skills. I’m not the mom with the "my kid is better than your kid" look on her face. I’m not the mom who makes you feel like somehow your child is inadequate because at age 3 she isn’t a licensed scuba diver or a concert pianist. that’s not me. it’s not a competition for me. at least not a competition between other children and my own. or other moms and me.
but i do take pride in my children’s accomplishments. great, great pride. Emily was sleeping through the night at 4 weeks! and sitting at 4 1/2 months! and speaking real actual words at 8 months! and walking at 10 1/2 months! to me, these were all amazing feats. did i think she was a prodigy? of course not! did it matter to me if other kids weren’t speaking at 8 months? no way. i know as well as any other mom that all children are different. every child develops at his or her own pace. but still, I was thrilled with all the things that Emily could do. and all the things Joshie could do (look at those motor skills! and he was toilet trained at just over 2 – amazing for a boy!) and all the things that Isabella could do (a sentence. she’s only a year and she’s speaking sentences! "I want my Dora!")
and with the pride comes a wee bit of disappointment when they aren’t doing the things they are supposed to be doing. Emily didn’t crawl until she was 10 months old . i heard all the jazz from everyone i know. "kids develop differently" "some kids don’t ever crawl at all and go straight to walking" "it’s easier for you because she’s less mobile" "don’t worry. my kid didn’t crawl until 11 months" i realize all these things were supposed to make me feel better, but i still just wanted her to crawl. not because i was worried about her, because i knew she was fine. not because i was upset that other kids were crawling and she wasn’t. i just wanted her to crawl. it’s almost like i just wanted her to reach that milestone and then move on to the next one. i didn’t really care that she wasn’t ready, because i was ready. and to me, that’s really what mattered. so, I’m a competi-mommy of sorts, competing against myself.
which is why, lately, I’d been somewhat frustrated with my Isabella. she’d been doing the take-two-steps and then fall down trick for the past two months, and just never really cared to walk. so, she CAN walk. she just doesn’t want to. but i want her to. (and there was this little tiny pang of envy when i looked at Becca’s pictures of Addie walking all over the place. They are the same age!! why isn’t Isabella walking too. walking is the CUTEST stage.)
this weekend, she did it. it was like something in her just clicked and she started walking everywhere. across the room. towards toys. towards people. she was walking without being prompted. she was even turning and pivoting. it was like she was reading my mind (ah…she’s a mind-reader, you know! she’s brilliant!….this, my dear readers, was sarcasm….i already told you, I’m not THAT mommy!). she knew how badly i wanted her to walk. and she did.
and today she gets rewarded with a brand-spanking new pair of shoes.
a pair of shoes I’ve been waiting months to buy for her.
public service announcements:
song of the day: All of the Above by Big City Rock. i’ve giving a personal shout-out to this band since one of their members, Tim, is my brother-in-law Joe’s (my sister’s husband) younger brother. so, he’s family. kinda. sorta. but, the album’s good. so, check it out.
comments and such: please comment. please, please, please pretty please. i’m not sayin’ it’s a contest…but it seems that my little ole’ fabulous blog doesn’t get many comments….and it can make a blogger feel…um…well….somewhat unfabulous. please note that after you leave a comment, there is a comment verification (that i always get wrong, by the way. why can’t i ever get those word verifications right?) that will come up. so, some of you may be commenting, but it may not show up. don’t close your browser…make sure you fill out the verification. mmmmmmkay?
If this comment gets through moderation…
Mat Kearney – Nothing Left to Lose or Undeniable (as on repeat on my nano on my blog right now)
Song of the day/week/month 🙂
LOL, you could have read my mind.
Firstly, Ali, you have nothing to feel bad about:))) You are a great mom who is balancing a really busy personal and professional life, I wish I could be as COOL and FABULOUS as you.
Secondly, re the walking thing. I SOOO know how you feel. Jeremy was the AVERAGE kid: sat up and got a tooth at 6 months, crawled at 8 months, walked at 13 1/2 months, first words at 12 months, all spot on AVERAGE ROFLMAO. Toby – totally different. Sat up at 5 months (tooth at the same age), but didn’t crawl till 9 1/2 months, but walked at 12 months exactly. Didn’t really talk until 18 months (apart from Mummy/Daddy) because he was/is a dummy sucker, but when we finally pulled it out at 18 months, he was talking in sentences :((( Miranda again – sat up and tooth at 6 months, but damn it, she REFUSED to crawl until she was well past 10 months, just happy to bum scoot/commando crawl for ages, re the walking, again, didn’t fully walk until nearly 15 months. She still isn’t talking very much – the only sentence out of her is Iwarnamydummy (I want my dummy) and once (no kidding) Iwarnamydora (I want my Dora).I am getting quite frustrated with her talking – she completely understands EVERYTHING but people commenting recently on how she doesn’t really talk is making me feel bad/guilty/retarded, etc.
So hard when everything in life is a competition :(((
Thirdly, you are FABULOUS (and I love both your blogs).
Fourthly, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, what kind of shoes didja get?? Apparently you are “supposed” to wait 6 weeks before you get them proper shoes – bulldust!!! Miranda got her shoes 2 days after she started walking LOL – Clarks velcro runners and a pair of bright pink Mary Janes!!!She has turned into a total Imelda – she loves my shoes, her brothers’ gumboots, anything she can get her hands on.
Competi-mommy? If you are one, I must take the cake (just kidding).
I can’t stop myself! My kids are so amazing I just have to share 😉 Obviously I think they are but…so? I remember my Dad telling me and my sisters over and over again how amazing we were and then telling all of his friends and family how amazing we were. Truth is, I actually started to believe it and believed I could do pretty much anything.
Proud Mama
The most important thing is: What do the shoes look like?
Competi-mommy…that’s a good one! I’m sure to some degree all of us are, aren’t we? I think it’s human nature to notice other people’s accomplishments and try to emulate them ourselves – and that’s kinda how I see MY competi-mommy streak. As in, “wow, look what her kid is wearing/doing/learning…maybe mine would like that, too!” Also, I’m honest enough to admit it to myself when I feel that little twinge of green-ness while looking at someone else’s kid. As for boasting about our kids’ accomplishments – I think we should all do it a lot! Heck, how else could I balance out the karmic energy buildup from complaining about my kids 🙂
agreed. there’s a fine line between being excited for your kids and for their accomplishments…and bragging and gloating.
fine line!
congrats on Ben reading! that’s a FANTASTIC milestone. i’m sure you’re VERY proud.
I’m right there with you. That may sound weird coming from me. But I’m worse about Ben’s stuff because of his autism. If he’s ahead on something, I want to tell EVERYONE. Right now I want to shout from the mountaintops how well he can READ! That’s my big question: Who can you brag to without looking like a total… I try to keep it to my parents, but even they act unenthused.
🙂 no worries.
i feel like a lot of people will probably misunderstand most of my post.
and will see me as that mom.
but, really, truth be told, i’m not like that. i enjoy watching my children develop and grow and do not put pressure on them just because i want them to do things.
I am sorry I misunderstood the shoes.
I am sorry I misunderstood the shoes.
um…no, i think you misunderstood me. she’s getting her shoes because now she actually needs proper walkers. because, well, because she’s walking,.
and i’m excited about that.
she’s 13 months old. i don’t think she thinks she’s being rewarded.
Milestones.. I agree we want our kids to move forward but to focus on when can be a slippery slope. Confidence comes from assurance within and hopefully not pressure or material gain from outside. Getting new shoes because she is doing what is inevitable for a healthy child (thank goodness she is healthy), to me, seems to send the wrong message.
To be honest as my kids now are growing quickly enough into new issues of elementary school and pre-teen situations, I look back at those baby/toddler milestones not as when they did but count our blessings they did. Life gets more complicated as they get older and best to keep the simple accomplishments in perspective for what they are. Teeth will fall out, their cutest one-piece sleepers will not longer fit, they will want to brush their own hair/teeth (or not), every day they grow up. They need us to be enthusiastic not competitive. It is not easy, as I want them to have all success possible but me pushing them will not produce it.
Thank goodness I’m not a competi-mommy! My monkey is 14 months and only just starting to (want to) stand….She will not crawl — only scootches (unless on an unscootchable surface). She is singing, though….And, she does the arm movement for “The Wheels on the Bus”….
My cat, Minden, kisses like a puppy and gives massages….But, I’m not a competi-mommy ;).