Hmmm…. I wonder where my little monkey got the phrase "I’M SO TIRELERD" from…?
Yeah, lately that cheaty little thang’s been coming up to me with squinty eyes, saying, oh-so-melodramatically, "I’m so tirelerd." It felt really great, let me tell you, when she said it this weekend in front of my mom, who thinks NO ONE should ever complain of being tired…. But, I SAY, I have the right. I have the right to say "I’m so tired" so much that my 2-year-old has included it in her lil lexicon. Because I REALLY AM "tirelerd"…. I’m "tirelerd" ALL THE TIME.
I don’t EVEN know how I’m writing in this state. So, please go easy on me if I have a typo or something totally unintelligible going on. Thanks. Love!
You know, the monkey also says "Oh crap" all the time. She got that from me, too…. But, that has nothing to do with pregnancy…. Yeah, ahem.
So, I’m 33 weeks preggers today…. Crazy. It’s sort of gone fast up till now, and sort of not. I remember WAY BACK when I was struggling with first-trimester extreme nausea and salivation (is extreme salivation not the grossest symptom, by the way? I had to sleep with a "spit towel" in my mouth, and I’d walk around the house with said "spit towel"….). I remember I was SO TIRELERD and prenatally depressed, and yet I still had to be a good mom to my cheaty little monkey who insisted on being carried everywhere and still does! That all seems like it was A LONG TIME AGO.
But, 33 weeks has just sprung itself on me. And, I’m a little surprised by it. I’m surprised that I’m COUNTING DOWN NOW IN SINGLE DIGITS! 7 more weeks to go! That’s, like, NOTHING!
So, there I was at a beautiful resort with my family this weekend, and with the sudden onset of 33 weeks came new emotions. I found myself a li’bit (that’s "little bit" in monkey speak) sensitive: say the SLIGHTEST negative thing to me, and I WILL break down. I found myself a li’bit lonely, too, even though my whole family was with me: no one else was THIS pregnant there; and, I was the only one unable to really take advantage of the resort’s activities. Also, I found myself a li’bit obese: there were so many bikinis there, and in my sensitive state, I started to feel really really uggers — puffy and swollen and in pain with each slow, elephant step I took. People were laughing at me and patting me on the back while telling me to enjoy myself "while I can" (thanks, beeyatch!). I often felt like a spectacle, as opposed to an individual with her own thoughts and feelings. A giant spectacle that people felt they could point at and whisper about. This all made me feel lonely. (Wahhh?)
See, nobody tells you about that li’bit of loneliness that characterizes pregnancy and motherhood. When you’re pregnant, you’re just "Pregnant Girl." And, when you’re a mother, everyone’s ALL ABOUT YOUR BABY. "Hello, Gorgeous!" my pediatrician always says (to the monkey, of course), and I always say, "Oh! Hi!"
So, as I walked around the grounds of the beautiful resort this weekend, I reflected on what I was feeling. And, there emerged my favourite concept in the world: compassion. I’m the ONLY one who REALLY knows or understands how I feel right now — as Pregnant Girl AND Mother AND Me. Since I’m the only one, I need to be there for me. I need to care about these feelings and honour them. I need to have compassion for myself. It’s the only way to get through these last weeks with my head up, with any semblance of energy, and with the strength that will carry me through labour and beyond….
Meanwhile…. I’m dealing with my "TIRELERD" little monkey…. Her little world is going to change dramatically. And, she’s sensing it now. Her tantrums and screeches and daddy-itis are all telling me she senses big change. I’m concerned about her. But, I KNOW it’ll be great. She’s so adaptable. And, we’ll make it fun and exciting for her.
I, on the other hand, ME…. Will I be okay handling two little monkeys with NO nanny? EVERYONE I know seems to have hired a nanny to help out. Can I not handle two monkeys on my own? THAT is the question…. THAT might be lonely…. THAT will be A LOT. And, THAT’s what’s coming…FAST. But, as pregnancy’s teaching me, I’ve got that self-compassion thing going, and tons of support from the fam, who talked much at the resort about coming together to help me when the baby comes. LOVE!? And, I definitely have support from all those on- and off-line friends of mine who KNOW BETTER THAN TO SAY "OH, YOU’RE SO HUGE, THERE’S NO WAY YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE IT!" Bitches! Why do strange people insist on saying that!? Like, if you don’t stop saying that, MUFFIN LADY, I’m NOT coming back to your bakery, do you HEAR me!?!?
A-ny-way…. Emotional time as I begin my 7-week countdown. But, s’all good. Look how much I’m learning. Pregnancy — one of life’s greatest teachers….
Oh! I got a gifty! I got a gifty! Check it:
Try not to look at the double chin, here…. I’m a PUFFBALL…. But, look at this great tee! It’s adorable, and IT FITS GREAT. It’s from the FAB artist/designer Nicole Lee from Lee’s Things! I’m NOT good at accepting gifts, and I did try to deter her. But, I’m so glad she persevered because this is my new fave tee. Anyhoot, she’s got LOTS more preggo tees and baby designs and labels and EVERYTHING. Here’s the Cafepress shop her stuff is displayed at, FYI: http://nsccards.com/cp_designs.html. Check it! OR, email Nicole here:
Lee (at) NSCcards (.) com. Thank you, Nicole! I LOVE IT! (There are more pics up at The Cheaty Monkey.)
Want more Cheaty? Check my personal blog — at THE CHEATY MONKEY!
Want gossip? Check it — at CHEATY’S CELEBRITY GOSSIP!
Love!
xo Haley-O!
Love the baby wants chocolate top. Wish I had one now – & some chocolate too of course.
Oh i love your shirt!!! Its really cute.
Omg good luck in these last weeks. You must be really excited. Did you get your little one in any classes to help them deal with the new up and comming baby? i know here they have thoes classes. thye are a help!
fantastic shirt! no time to comment but i wanted 2 tell you im having a giveaway for 75 dollars worth of baby goodies. it’ll be up monday night! ::luv!:: stay pretty as always.
ERIN — as I said in my email back to you, I’m SO honoured that you’ve related so much to this blog. thank you so much for this MOTIVATING comment — writing takes energy that I hardly have these days, and feedback like this makes it all beyond rewarding! Thank you!
SUSAN — Hmmm… Organization…. I SUCK at organization. But, it’s something I can definitely work on! Thanks for the great advice, and the OFFER of the handholding — LOVE! 🙂
MOMof2 — Thanks so much for this reassuring comment!I’m totally PUMPED now! 😉 Actually, I am sending the monkey to preschool three mornings a week. I think this will really help, yeah. The other 2 days, and the afternoons….may be challenging. But preschool is a MUST. Thanks for the GREAT advice. Totally makes sense. Encourage independence NOW. Good one. 🙂
ALI — I’m so tired now — I guess preggo symptoms are preparing me for what’s to come!! And, I know you’ll be there to offer guidance when needed…. 🙂
LD — my family talked about this on the resort. “We all have to come together to help Haley,” my mom said at the dinner table. AWWWWE SOME!!! 🙂
LEE — Thanks so much for the reassurance, AND FOR THE AWESOME TEE THAT I LOVE SO MUCH!
R&PGIRL — THANK YOU for that! It’ll be aiight. Just a big adjustment, I’m thinking. And, my parents are around the corner. Lucky me! And, my sis and one of my bffs are on mat leave. I have loads of support. 🙂
LAV — thanks for the encouragement! I like the idea of finding my rhythm. Right now, I can’t decipher ANY rhythm, except a very slooooooowwwww one! 😉 But, I’ll keep it in mind when the baby comes. Great advice. Thank you!
ANNE — HEE, red and white circus tent — spectacle, indeed!!! And, yeah, as much as it can be lonely, but it is SO MUCH MORE than that. There’s so much more positive stuff. But, I was spending time with these “other” emotions this week…. And, it felt healthy. YOU must have felt so lonely leaving everything! But, yeah, aside from the doozy comments that totally make me ANXIOUS, people DO tend talk to you about REAL things. And, it is amazing. Thanks for sharing this, Anne!!
AMANDA — the spectacle and the lonely totally go together. It’s so bizarre. Thanks for the encouragement. Beyond my anxiety about taking care of 2, I cannot believe I’m going to have 2 kids soon. It’s wild! 🙂 Feel well!!
Well, I’m not chasing around a kid all day like you, but I am 6 1/2 months pregnant and working full time…needless to say, I am tirelerd, too. I totally undestand how you feel – everything you said! I feel like a spectacle EVERYwhere I go and I definitely can see the lonely thing, too! I’m sure you’ll be a great mommy of 2, though!
You felt like a spectacle…ah yes…I remember.
I had one bathing suit.
It was red and white stripes.
It looked EXACTLY like a circus tent.
Yes…I remember feeling like a spectacle.
You felt lonely…
When I was pregnant I moved away from everything and everyone I knew and loved to a new place.
Hubby was working all day…
I remember lonely too.
But I remember all the nice things too…
Being pregnant opens doors.
People feel free to talk to you about all kinds of things. And truly everyone who comments does wish you well even if they say the wrong thing.
Soo…take a big breath and exhale.
Make lemonade as they say.
Oh…and by the way…you are going to be a WONDERFUL mommy to TWO monkeys.
hi haley,i love your tee shirt.i would like wear that all the time!you look great.i think we’ve all experienced that feeling of loneliness at some point while pregnant.glad to hear you’re going to take more time for your own feelings.monkey will be fine haley you’ll see.shes going to love her baby.and its challenging at first with two but once you find the rhythm of yours it will be easy.well as easy as it can be.i’m excited for you.just 7 weeks to go.hugs to you
I have two monkeys of my own and no nanny. I do though have wonderful grandparents who can take said monkeys away for entire hours if necessary WHEN necessary so that I can get some stuff done or just to be alone. I have every confidence you can do this!
As long as you have some support you will be fine and won’t feel so alone.
Oh heavens. You look fabulous, confident and radiant. Glad to hear you’re going to be a terrific best friend to yourself — that’s the best give you can give to you!
I have every bit of confidence that you’ll be fantastic!
(And thanks for the great plug and linky love!)
I’m pretty confident that you can do it. The idea of it is huge, but from everyone I’ve seen who has 2 (or more) kids, you just do it.
It’s like pregnancy. If you had really thought about carrying the monkey around and playing all day while pregnant you may have thought you couldn’t handle it. But, cause you had to you do it.
Plus, everyone really will be supportive. I know when my sister had her 2nd child, anytime she needed us to be there, to watch her older daughter or give her a break we tried. I think you need to ask.
i had 2 under the age of 2 and no nanny for until josh was 18 months (when i went back to work). i didn’t think i could do it either…but you totally can!! it’s tiring, SO tiring. but, HALES, you TOTALLY can! 🙂
Hi Haley,
I enjoy your blogs and just wanted to tell you that you CAN do it! Lots of people don’t have nannies when baby # 2 arrives and they survive! It is definitely challenging, but if you start preparing the monkey now, (i.e. doing whatever she can for herself), then when the new little monkey comes along, she won’t be doing these new things on her own, when all of a sudden there is a new little one in the house! I hope that makes sense…..I’m not preggers….but I am really tirelerd!
A suggestion…Is there a morning preschool program the monkey could attend? That keeps her busy and gives you one on one time with the new baby. Then later in the day you can be sure to have one on one time with the monkey – she’ll probably need it for the first little while.
Don’t let the “big” comments bring you down. You look fabulous 🙂
Keep up the great work!
I didn’t have a nanny, and remember what a wreck I was after #2 (okay, so I told you about it after the fact. Remember that part, okay?).
You CAN do it. You really can. It takes a bit more organization; you’ll have to say, “Okay, in five minutes, we’ll have ten minutes before we have to leave the house. Monkey, go to the potty and get your shoes on.” But that’s not so bad. And it’s practice for when the kids are older and you give them those sorts of warnings so they can change their mindset in the middle of playing fun.
If I need to come up there and hold your hand, I will. But you won’t need me. You’ll be fine.
I remember the loneliness of pregnancy and infancy, too. But it passes almost without your knowing and one day, you’ll wake up and go, “I wish I could have some time alone!”
Hang in there, babe. Yes, I WILL road trip up to hold your hand. That means you’d better give good directions!
Long time reader, first time commenter (is that even a word?). I really enjoy your journal and today’s entry is really inspirational especially given that I am 36 weeks pregnant with a just turned 2 year old at home and plan to stay home with both sans Nanny as well. It’s been a tough climb towards 40 weeks for me as well (very vomitous for the first 5 months which transitioned into the fun back pain stage) but you have helped me along the way and always remind me to be so grateful for this miracle. Thanks!