A few summers ago I was at a folk festival with some friends. My friend Simon was a newlywed at the time and while we lounged in the grass waiting for his wife to grab us beers (I mentioned newlywed right?) we were watching this dad playfully tossing his kid in the air. Simon was watching intently and I said, ‘I guess that’ll be you soon.’ He beamed. Two minutes later an old lady wheeled by us in her motorized wheelchair, with a box of wine in her basket and a smoke hanging out of her mouth. Simon and I burst out laughing at the exact same time….yes, that’ll be me soon I guess.
I didn’t want that to be me. I didn’t want to be ‘crazy Auntie Sara who smells like scotch and kitty litter. I wanted to meet the man of my dreams and settle down and have a few kids. But it wasn’t happening. I was engaged a few years before that and sure I could have got married, I could have had a couple kids and I would now be divorced and raising them myself. So I waited.
About three years ago, I decided I couldn’t wait anymore. It wasn’t enough for me to be the aunt, and I knew it never would be. I also knew that I wasn’t prepared to settle at that point – I’d waited that long, I wanted to wait for the right one. I’ve spoken before about the ‘look’ – the look that is shared between moms and their kids, one that is just different than any other connective look and one that I wanted a part of.
After some research and discussions with friends and family, I decided to become a Choice Mom. Yes – it’s an actual term!! We are women who have made a conscious decision to begin our parenting alone. I say ‘begin’ because who knows what life throws at you later. I chose a fertility doctor and an anonymous sperm donor – and along with a medical ‘turkey baster’ and some stirrups, we made a baby!!!
I felt it was important to introduce you guys to that because while I am a single mom, I’m not a divorced one. While we share SO many of the same challenges both with each other and with two-parent households, I do think some of our circumstances are so different. I bow to you moms who now share parenting with an ex. As I say to people – I don’t know any different. I have a TON of help from friends and family but not generally at home on a day to day basis and I think if you started with that help and then shifted to doing it alone, it would be much harder.
ANYWAY – I vowed to take a bit of time to introduce myself to you urbanmom readers. I’m psyched to have a forum to share my ups and downs – my victories and defeats.
I’m a lucky, lucky woman. And I got the look on the weekend for real – and it had made everything up to now worth it!
Great article Sara! Look forward to many, many more. All the best to you and your sweet little man.
xoxoxoxo
That is awesome. I always said that if I didn’t meet Mr. Right by the time I was 35, I would do the same thing. I knew for a fact that I wanted to be a mom, never as sure that I wanted to be a wife!!!! Can’t wait to read more about your chosen life.
you’re making me weepy guys! thanks!
You’re an inspiration Sara. I admire you so much for having the strength to walk away from the idea of “marriage and kids” in of favour not settling for the wrong person. That’s a decision you will never regret. You and Will make a wonderful family and I look forward eagerly to your posts.
Thanks Sara! It takes a very strong woman to want to go into parenting alone…and i greatly admire you for that! Excited to read more! Have a great day!!
You’re awesome, Sara! Thanks for sharing your story. I admire you hugely for waiting for the “right” guy and also having the courage and self-awareness to venture into parenting solo. I can’t wait to read more of your story.