We return to Joanne’s tale of life as a single mom to three…
Yesterday, can you believe, I didn’t have to cook supper! That SO never happens – I’m the only grown up – I ALWAYS have to cook supper. But yesterday we were invited to a birthday party for my best friend’s little boy. She and her husband were cooking supper. All we had to do was show up at six o’clock for barbeque and cake. Woo hoo.
Should have been easy, right? Only I get home and one child is on the missing list. Well, ok, she’s not really missing, but she’s not home where I can find her and tell her that we have to go out – pronto – free supper is waiting. Granted, the fact that she’s missing is partly my fault. I didn’t tell her during our million telephone conversations that we would be going out and that she should be home waiting. I, instead, assumed from the million telephone calls that she was home bored, with nothing to do and no where to go.
The clock is ticking. My free, home-cooked meal is probably getting cold. So, I do the smart thing – I send my oldest on his bike to find her. I know where she is. She’s two blocks away playing at her friend’s house. But, ten minutes go by and neither of them is back. Adorable-brat baby is whining because he’s hungry and wants to go to the party. Oh, Lordy, what to do now? With another grown up at home, I could have said, stay here and tell them to wait for me if they come home. Nope, no other grown up in sight. The baby and I leave to find them anyway. We find them arguing at the friend’s house. My daughter doesn’t want to go to a three year old’s birthday party. She wants to stay home and play with her friends, birthday parties are dumb, don’t you know? But supper is at the birthday party, I say. You have to come – or you don’t get supper. Or cake. Don’t forget cake! I think there are even treat bags!!!
Nope. No deal. Not going. You can’t make me. Ugh. The thing is – I can make her. I’m bigger and stronger and eventually I always win. But, if there was another grown up at home, it wouldn’t be an issue. Grown up #2 could feed her. And the boys and I could go. But there is no second grown up at my house – there’s just me and the monsters. And everyone knows that forcing a nine year old to do something she doesn’t want to do, while sometimes necessary, is…unpleasant. I could have forced her into the car and made her go to the party. (Wouldn’t that have been a sight in front of her friend’s house???) But, if I made her go I wouldn’t have had any fun, she would have made sure of that. So, I let her stay home. I called my neighbour who is also a great friend and told her I was leaving – neighbours in PEI are great. PEI is the definition of community. Anyway, I told my daughter to make herself a sandwich for supper and off we went.
Supper was not actually cold when I arrived. It was just starting to cook on the barbeque. Yay! My friend’s husband was on barbeque duty and my friend was on hostess duty, mingling with guests and having a great time. I should have been happy, right? My kids were playing happily and I was talking and laughing with the grown ups. Couldn’t get any better.
Only here’s what I was thinking: I was watching my friend’s husband take care of the cooking while she chatted with the guests. I thought about how lucky she was to get to enjoy her child’s birthday party with her husband’s help. My kids’ parties…can you say NIGHTMARE? I cook, referee fights, entertain kids and guests, do presents, cake and the whole shabang and I end up with such a tremendous headache by the time its over, I just want to crawl into a hole and…hibernate. And here I was at my best friend’s party watching husband and wife so relaxed, enjoying themselves and the party…and I’m jealous. Jealous! Can you imagine? This is my best friend. I’m SO not supposed to feel jealous. So I feel guilty about being jealous instead. And decide that I can’t be a very good friend.
Next Week in the continuing saga of A Day in the Life of a Single Mom – Part III: I Wouldn’t Change a Thing…
Joanne is a working single mom of three from Prince Edward
Island. Be sure to check back over the next two weeks for the next
instalments in her article "A Day in the Life of a Single Mom". Share
your thoughts on Joanne’s article below in comments.
Joanne, just being solely responsible for three other human beings is *such* a responsibility! And to feel needed by so many people is completely exhausting. Of course you felt jealous of your friend, but that’s completely normal! I feel jealous of others all the time…I have a few friends who’ve paid off their mortgages…wow, talk about jealous! I always think “what I could do if I didn’t have a mortgage”, but you know, I’m still happy for my friends and pleased that they have had the good fortune to be where they are. And then there are the people who are jealous of me for even HAVING a mortgage…so it all goes around.
I’ve been doing this for 10 years and counting. I don’t envy any single mother and certainly wouldn’t wish it on anyone else.
You’re doing a great job and you’re kids will appreciate you for it when they’re older. Don’t worry about feeling jealous about your friend, it’s normal. Who of us haven’t been jealous of someone else?
Keep up the great work!
Joanne,
I can not imagine doing all of this on my own. There are 2 of us and my kids’ b-days are still a nightmare…but at least I have someone to share in the misery. You shouldn’t feel guilty about envying your friend’s relationship. Some days I look at my single sister and think “just for one day”. I wouldn’t trade my life for the world but it would be nice to have one day in someone elses!
Thanks again for sharing your story.