I am in love with this song and have been since I heard it a number of months ago through Facebook. There is something so haunting and real about it. Something deep and reflective that is very much lacking in most of today’s popular music. I like the song but this one line is especially powerful and it resonates. I have worked hard to eliminate this from my life but I still see it in far too many people around me.
What I see is that some people obsess over things they can’t control – a bad relationship, a crappy job, their child’s friendships. Whatever it is I see people constantly stressing over other people’s behaviour, pointing fingers and placing blame. They are so focused on being wronged or wallowing in their own helplessness that they don’t realize that they actually are in a position to change it.
You may not be able to fix your relationship or the circumstances at your job but you can make a change; you don’t have to stay in it and you don’t have to let it get to you. You can not manage your child’s friendships and obsessing over them or getting too involved can be deadly for both of you. What you can do is show them how to rise above, how to make new friends, how to accept others and how to not sweat what is outside of their control.
I see people addicted to “a certain kind of sadness” far too often. They give this sadness, and in so doing, other people, all of the control. They are safe here because they bear no responsibility. They feel helpless. They have surrendered control. They are looking to someone or something outside of themselves to change instead of looking internally and realizing that they do have power. It may not be the power to change someone else as we so often want to do (I need them to see MY side!). It is the power to walk away, to accept it for what it is and to change how we react.
This is a lesson I am constantly trying to teach my children. When something happens with or to them the first thing I do is try not to react. If they are picked on or sad about something someone said or did I hold back my initial Mama Bear response, shrug my shoulders, and offer a hug. We talk about solutions and we talk about why the other person may be lashing out or feeling that way.
What I am starting to see are two kids that know what is within their control (themselves, their reaction, their response) and what is not (other people). I see two people who accept others for who they are and deal well with disappointment and confusing social dynamics. I see two young people who are confident in who they are and understand their strengths and their limitations. I see two wonderful people who can laugh at themselves and who can pick themselves up when they fall, and hold their heads high.
It took me years of insecurity and then self-reflection to figure this out for myself. What about you? Have you ever been addicted to a certain kind of sadness?
